Chutes and Ladders
by Hargasm23
Summary: "You think you can handle yourself Olivia?" Elliot asked her, his words just a whisper. "Then prove it." The challenge sunk in. E/O. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**CHUTES AND LADDERS**

**Chapter 1**

"You don't have to do this." Elliot's voice pierced through Olivia's train of thought.

She'd registered the uneasy tone as he approached her from behind.

"I know," she said nonchalantly opening her locker. This wasn't the first time she'd been given a task at work she wasn't entirely comfortable with.

"I don't think it's safe." Elliot rounded to face her, demanding her eye contact.

She surrendered, reluctantly meeting his gaze. "There will be over twenty cops outside Elliot, believe me I've been a lot less safe."

Her thoughts immediately drew back to Sealview and she could see he was reading it in her eyes. She hated how he did that.

Olivia looked away, concentrating on the contents of her locker instead.

"I still don't think it's fair that Cragen's putting you in this position, just because you're a woman." He spoke to the side of her face.

She thought for a moment and then firmly shut her locker.

"I'll be fine El." She gave him a weak smile and walked towards the door.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

It was moments like this that Olivia almost wished Elliot's rebuttal in Cragen's office had paid off. Her legs were chilled from the night air and her breasts were pushed so far out of her dress she was worried she'd have a wardrobe malfunction.

As she pulled open the door to the bar her stomach dropped with nerves. She tried not to let the fact that the dress that was clinging to her body was slowly itching its way up her ass with every step. Then there were her feet. It had been a while since she had stepped into a pair of strappy high heals and with every step she felt a slice of pain. How women dressed like this on a regular basis she'd never know.

She scanned the bar discreetly. It was dull and grimy and in dire need of restoration. So far every man that glanced her way fit the description of the perp. She could feel almost all their eyes on her. A couple of women in a booth gave her dirty looks as if she were invading their territory. Olivia tried to stifle her nerves, she could do this. She took a seat at the bar and was tended to immediately, one advantage of having your breasts out she assumed.

"What can I get you pretty lady?" The bar tender was an older gentleman that looked as if he'd had a tough life.

"A scotch and coke," she said smoothly, knowing full well it would just be for show.

She watched as he poured the shot of scotch, spilling it over the glass of ice. As he reached for the soda she felt a hand on the small of her back and tried not to jump.

"Can I buy you that drink?"

She turned her head slowly catching the eyes that matched the voice. She studied his features and quickly assessed that he wasn't their guy. His nose was too small and his eyes too dark. What she would have given for this to be the perp, the sooner this was over, the sooner she could rid this outfit and get back into her slacks. Unfortunately in front of her was a distraction that would only prolong this somewhat unsavoury experience.

"I have money," she said sedately and before she gave him a chance to respond she cut him off. "Thanks anyway."

Fortunately he was smarter than the average guy and took the hint and retreated.

The bartender had filled the rest of the glass with coke and just as he slid it in front of Olivia she heard her name come through her earpiece. She strained to hear what came next over the clinking glasses and scattered voices.

"He just entered the bar Liv." She heard Fin's voice.

She made no sudden movements, her eyes caught the reflection in mirror wall of the bar. Two men had walked in confidently, this was her cue.

Taking a deep breath she slid off the stool and strutted towards the men. She got close enough that her upper arms brushed theirs as she waltzed between them. As she disappeared into the ladies bathroom she was praying she'd made an impact.

She took a deep breath and paced the bathroom, letting enough time pass for people to assume she was attending to ladies business. She caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror and hardly recognised herself.

Her almond brown eyes looked shades darker due to the rim of smoky eye makeup. Those eyes drifted down to her breasts and she tried to pull her dress up a little where it dipped at the cleavage but it wouldn't budge. She pressed her full red lips together, itching to blot the bright colour off on a paper towel. She felt for the back of her dress to ensure her ass wasn't showing, she gave it a little pull but it was just as stubborn.

"Liv."

She snapped back to reality. For a moment she thought that voice had come from inside the bathroom but realised quite quickly it was her earpiece.

"They're loitering outside the bathroom." Fin's voice was almost whisper.

She became a little uneasy, they were waiting for her. It was now confirmed that this was going to happen. She had a flash back to Sealview and closed her eyes.

She was silently thankful that there were no cameras on her right now as her expression was etched with concern. She knew she could handle this, she was a good cop. She was trained, prepared and ready for this but now with no gun and a poor excuse for a dress, suddenly she was faltering.

The victims had two things in common, being a patron in this bar and wearing skimpy clothing. She had done her best to immolate the description, the harsh scarlet barely there dress obviously caught their eyes. She needed to pull it together and focus, at the very least for the victims. She had to put these bastards away.

Sucking in a breath she was back, she walked towards the door and pushed it open. Sure enough the two men were eying her already as she walked past them. They were on her heals immediately and followed her back to her drink. As she sat down she tried to ignore them, but they took a seat either side of her.

She noticed her drink was still where she'd left it. Without a second thought she knew there was no way she would touch it. She had lost count of the amount of cases she'd worked where women had their drinks spiked. She fingered the glass for something to do, but didn't lift it.

"What are you drinking?" one of them asked her. She could smell the liquor on his breath and his body odour was less than pleasing. She turned to face him, capturing his light eyes and sizeable nose. She tried to steady her breathing.

Just as she was about to answer the other man slid his hand firm across her bare thigh. Her instant reaction was to elbow him in the throat but regrettably she had to act like a lady. She shuddered internally at his touch.

She brushed his hand off her leg and smiled politely. "Scotch and coke," she answered, her voice breathy and inviting. "You want some?"

She lifted the glass and offered it to the man on her right.

He instantly reclined and her suspicions were confirmed. Fin didn't relay that message to her which was slightly odd, they had cameras throughout the bar so they couldn't miss it. Perhaps she was just being too presumptuous.

"Doesn't look like you're enjoying your drink there, perhaps you'd like something else?" said the man whose hand had found it's way back to her leg. He used his other to motion to the bar tender before she could answer.

"Three quick fucks," he said roughly.

She nearly choked on his words, these guys didn't waste any time.

She didn't know exactly what a quick fuck entailed but she assumed it was a shot of some concoction.

"I don't drink shots," she said abruptly, grabbing at any excuse to get out of drinking.

"Well you have to try this shot, it's the best." He winked and slid the shot in front of her.

Olivia swallowed hard, a little unsure of how to avoid getting out of drinking in this situation. It would seem these guys wouldn't take no for an answer.

"I really don't want it, but thanks." She tried once more, pleading they'd give in.

"Did you hear that? This hot little thing doesn't want a quick fuck." His voice was laced with anger.

She bit her lip hard, she knew she'd have to do it otherwise she'd risk blowing her cover. She grasped the shot and drew it up to her lips. It had been a while since she'd drank straight spirits but she had to play it cool. The burning milky liquid slid down her throat in one quick motion and her throat felt like it was on fire.

She placed the shot glass down on the bench and swallowed, not a breath out of place.

She noticed with surprise that they hadn't drunk their shots and realised why when one of the men slowly slid his shot in front of her.

"I agreed to one," she quickly responded.

"You sure you don't want two quick fucks?" His dry voice twisted into a sly smile.

She picked up on what he was inferring and it made her sick.

"I didn't even want _one_," she said a little too firmly.

"Well it's not about what you want," the one to her right whispered. "Drink."

She was hoping that statement would be one that would come back to haunt him in court. She prayed her wire was recording every syllable out of these pricks mouths.

He began pushing the shot further towards her. She felt cornered. She should have just gotten up right then and there but she'd come so far and they'd gone through so much to find these sons of bitches. She wasn't stopping now. She'd told Cragen, Elliot and anyone who doubted her that she could handle this.

She lifted the shot to her lips and tipped it back quicker than the first. The burning sensation eased up slightly. The only indication of her distress was her digging her fingernails lightly under the barstool beneath her. Then before the men had a chance, she reached for the third shot and repeated the process. She knew it was coming, so there was no reason to delay it.

Then she heard the statement that nearly made her choke on the shot.

"Just looking at you makes me hard."

She didn't catch who'd said it to her, but at that point it didn't matter.

"Olivia, you ok?" She heard Fin in her ear and she didn't know why he was asking because she couldn't answer. Then she felt a hand moving between her legs and she snapped, pushing the guy back.

"Olivia, wrap this up." She heard in her ear but she was already sliding off the stool and moving towards the back door that they had previously arranged. She knew she'd have half the squad waiting outside for her and felt a great sense of relief at that.

It had only been three shots but they were in rapid succession and they'd already taken affect. Drinking wasn't part of the plan and she was suddenly anxious. She knew in the agreement she was supposed to make sure the men followed her out but a big part of her was praying they wouldn't.

"Where you going pretty thing?"

No such luck.

She opened the door and the cold night air slammed into her, a solid wall. It was way too cold to be dressed in practically nothing.

"We paid for your drinks, we should get something in return."

The words sunk through her to the core. How many women had these men stalked and attacked. She was only aware of three recent cases, but the way they were playing this game, they were no amateurs.

She was supposed to wait for them to make the first move but she was done waiting, she swung around suddenly and kneed one of them square in the crotch. He hit the ground moaning and the other one launched at her. He grabbed her around the waist and threw her at the wall. Her temple connected with the concrete and it span her out.

He came up behind her and pushed her face against the wall, his body caging hers. "You can't leave without your quick fucks," he whispered into her ear as the other one got up.

What she would give for her gun right now. She struggled against him and suppressed the thought of tears. Visions of Sealview flooded back in an instant and she closed her eyes. Up until last year she had no idea what it was like for the thousands of girls she had interviewed over the years, or of what it was like for her mother.

His hands went for his belt buckle as he held her against the wall with the other. She could get him down on the ground in a second, one elbow to the throat followed by a firm knee to the groin and she was in business, but that wasn't part of the plan. Any minute 20 cops were supposed to be all over these assholes, but they were nowhere to be seen. That's when she heard it.

"Get your fucking hands off her!"

Elliot. She could pick his voice anywhere, even in times like this. She felt the pressure on her body relieved and her face came off the wall. Elliot had elbowed him in the neck, kicking him as he rolled over moaning on the ground.

She rubbed her cheek and checked her hand for blood but her palm was clean.

Elliot had his gun trained on the other man and she was wondering where the hell everyone else was. She got her answer when Fin, Munch and the rest of the squad began racing to the scene grasping the two men and handcuffing them. Olivia watched as Elliot picked up the guy who was on her and slammed him against the wall.

Fin stepped in creating a shield. "Don't do this," he whispered.

The alcohol in her system coupled with the after effects of her hitting the wall had her standing there helpless, watching the scene instead of interacting. She would give anything for a jacket or something to cover up. Without so much as a look in her direction Elliot was walking back to the van and slowly she began to follow him. Her heals echoing through the car park. The two men were already in the paddy wagon and she didn't so much as look their way. It had all happened so fast.

She saw Cragen coming toward her with a jacket.

"You ok?" he said into the night before he reached her. She nodded her answer and he handed her the jacket.

"What's with Elliot?" she asked concerned, realising he hadn't even checked if she was ok.

"He broke protocol," Cragen said, snapping. "He went in too early and he went in alone."

Olivia's eyebrows drew together in confusion. It hadn't seemed that premature.

"We weren't far behind Liv, thirty seconds and we'd have all we needed. He just wouldn't wait."

Thirty seconds.

She bit into the inside of her cheek. She didn't say anything.

"I knew you could handle yourself," Cragen said to confirm it.

He had a lot of faith in her and for good reason. She'd never proved him wrong and if it weren't for those shots she'd be in agreement. Olivia slid on the jacket and felt a monumental sense of relief as she tied it around her waist.

"You did good Liv, we should have enough on both of them, Williamson for sure. If Elliot had been any earlier, we'd be shit out of luck," he said still reeling.

She nodded and looked past Cragen to where Elliot was starting up the car. She realised all her stuff was in there as well as her ride home and that's just where she wanted to be.

Cragen turned to see Elliot driving towards the exit of the car park. "Elliot!" he called out loudly waving him over.

"What is he doing?" Cragen said in a mumble, shaking his head.

Slowly Elliot drove over and pulled up in front of them. She didn't wait for permission, just opened the door and slid into the passenger seat shutting the door behind her.

Elliot accelerated before she had a chance to say goodbye to Cragen.

She grabbed onto the car door handle at the intense speed and reached for the seatbelt hastily. As she clicked it into place she considered making a sarcastic comment about him trying to get them killed but thought better of it. He was in one of those moods and telling him he was driving like a manic was not going to help.

It had been so loud outside, cops swarming, bar patrons looking on, people yelling, cars speeding off. Now in the confines of Elliot's car there was nothing but an unyielding silence.

She shifted in her seat. The jacket wasn't as long as she hoped and her bare legs were left in plain view. She was beyond uncomfortable in this clothing and tried crossing her legs. After realising that only made her dress ride even higher up her thigh she quickly corrected her stance.

It had been a good five minutes of dead silence and she needed to break it.

"Were you just going to leave me there?" she asked with a hint of disbelief.

When they passed through a couple of traffic lights she came to the conclusion that he wasn't going to respond.

The tension only amplified at his stillness and she let out the breath she was holding. She watched as it clouded in front of her as if she'd just exhaled from a cigarette.

She started rubbing her hands together, she'd thought once she got in the car it wouldn't be so damn freezing but she was almost shaking. Her bare legs were covered in goosebumps and she couldn't understand why Elliot didn't have the heat on. On any other day she would have leaned over and turned it on herself but she remained still. It wouldn't be worth it.

Her feet were still aching but she was thankful to be sitting down at least. She let her eyes drift close in an effort to block out the cold and Elliot's nauseating silence.

When she opened her eyes again they were nearly at her apartment. At some point Elliot had turned the heat on and her body temperature had settled down slightly.

She glanced over at him for the first time since she got into his car. They'd spent the whole car ride in silence, not exactly something new for them. She hated it when he was like this, angry and pissed off for a reason he kept only to himself.

She looked at his bare ring finger and chewed on her bottom lip, unable to fathom that he hadn't said a damn word to her about it. She noticed it last week when he handed her a cup of coffee but couldn't be sure how long before that it had been removed. Things between them had been off for months and she couldn't help but connect the two, as if he was taking his personal issues out on her.

Elliot pulled the car to a stop without a word, he just looked straight ahead. She was watching the side of his face, trying to figure out if it was better for all if she got out without a word.

He had left the ignition running and she took the hint. With a sigh she reached for her things and opened the door. She slammed it a little too firmly and began walking to her front stoop. She heard movement behind her and for a moment she thought Elliot had decided to walk her in, or in the least say something to her. As she turned slightly she was met with a strange guy behind her instead.

"Hey baby," he leered. His eyes scraping down her body.

She couldn't catch a break. She was going to burn these clothes.

Elliot was out of the car before she even had a chance to tell this guy to piss off and his weapon was drawn. "Get down," he yelled at the unsuspecting man.

"What the?" The man was suddenly on his knees.

"Please don't hurt me!" He almost whimpered.

"Elliot!" She moved quickly towards him, grasping his forearm, attempting to lower his weapon.

"Get inside," he yelled at her abruptly.

"Elliot," she whispered sternly. "Let him go before you screw up again." The words came out before she had a chance to assess them.

She watched his face morph into anger and disbelief, she would have given anything to take back that last word.

Again.

He told the man to get lost and they watched as he raced off into the night. It was so cold she could see his breath coming out in rapid bursts. Silently she was waiting for Elliot to react to what she'd just said.

He re-holstered his weapon and walked up her stoop. He pulled open the door to her building.

"Olivia." He used her full name and already she felt nauseous.

"Get inside," he told her, his eyes pointing to the direction he wanted her to go.

She clenched her jaw determined not to bite back and complied.

He followed her up the stairs and all the way to her door. Before she reached for her keys she turned around to face him and he was practically shadowing her, looking down the corridor like he was her bodyguard.

He was close and she had to step back a little to compose herself.

"What are you doing?" she asked with annoyance.

She couldn't remember the last time he walked her right up to her door.

"Get inside," he told her again.

She scrunched up her face with irritation. She couldn't hold her tongue any longer, not when he was so out of line.

"That guy wasn't going to hurt me, what is wrong with you?" She looked at him like he was losing it.

"What is wrong with _me_?" He almost laughed.

"Olivia," he said as his eyes drifted away from hers. "I'm not going to ask you again," he told her placing a hand firm on the wall beside her door, determined not to budge. "Get inside."

She was fuming inside at the way he was acting and couldn't understand why he wasn't looking at her when she hadn't taken her eyes off him.

Abruptly she decided she'd had enough. "Go home Elliot. I don't need this."

Still not looking at her, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his keys. He wasted no time locating her key and opened her door. Her eyes went wide, she was furious that he so openly and purposefully crossed a line. She wanted to pull that set of keys from him and rip off the key she'd only given him for emergencies.

He walked inside without so much as an invitation and she angrily followed him. He was a stubborn son of a bitch.

A part of her was lingering on the fact that he automatically knew which key it was when she couldn't remember the last time he needed to use it.

He shut the door behind her and let out a sigh as if suddenly now they were safe.

"Elliot." Her voice dragged as she stepped towards him. "What the hell is going on?"

He just looked at her for a few moments with a guarded expression, almost as if he was in pain. Moments from questioning him again Elliot spoke.

"You really think I screwed up tonight?" he asked her point blank.

She was surprised it was that point he'd been focusing on.

Before he gave her a chance to retract her earlier comment he continued. "Cragen just let you dangle there like a piece of meat in front of wolves. I kept saying 'now' and he kept saying 'wait.' It's like he wanted to milk as much evidence out of them as he could, damning the consequences to you."

She closed her eyes with a sigh. "Elliot, it was under control."

A pang of guilt shot through her. If it weren't for those three shots it would have been under control.

"Screw that," he said roughly. "He had you Liv, two seconds later and…"

She watched him struggle to finish the sentence and her heart dropped. She saved him from finishing.

"Ok, it was extreme," she told him trying to hold his eye contact long enough to ease his concern. She watched as his eyes softened slightly and swallowed before continuing.

"But Cragen knew what he was doing, he knew what I was capable of and wouldn't have put me in that position if he didn't think I could handle myself."

Olivia sucked in a breath before finishing. "And if it came down to it, I have the training and the ability to defend myself."

That's when Elliot scoffed, spitefully and outright. "That's ridiculous." He shook his head.

The anger began to build within her.

"Two men Olivia, two rapists and you, dressed like that." He indicated the apparel beneath her coat. "With no gun and no hope."

Her eyes narrowed. "Well it's nice to know my partner has such faith in me." She was gutted.

He just starred at her. No reaction, as if what she'd just said had reigned true.

She shook her head. "Go home Elliot," she told him point blank.

On any other night she would have stuck to her guns, pushed the issue and defended herself but she'd had enough. She was far from freezing now, the heating from her apartment coupled with the heated argument was overwhelming.

She walked away from him pulling off her jacket expecting that he'd take the hint and let himself out. She threw her jacket on the couch and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

He followed her.

He was completely disregarding her dismissal and it surprised her. Usually he was the first one to walk away from her when things got too much but for some reason tonight he wasn't backing down.

Before he had a chance to speak she beat him to it, spinning around to face him.

"Elliot I said leave."

She watched as his eyes dipped suddenly to her newfound cleavage the lack of jacket offered and quickly back up again. That's when she realised she was still in that damn dress.

She was shocked and something flickered inside her. It turned out Elliot Stabler wasn't immune to this dress. He was just as human as the 40 or so other men who'd checked her out tonight. Still, she had expected better, even Cragen managed to keep his eyes on her face.

He grasped her eye contact intently and swallowed. He looked as if he was being careful not to do it again but his slightly horrified expression from copping an eyeful was evident.

"We're not done," he told her, his tone a notch softer than before.

She was nervous, modest and intrigued all at once and something about his discomfort pleased her. She had an overwhelming urge to play on it, it wasn't often she had him weakened like this.

"Yes we are," she said slowly leaning back on the bench and crossing her arms in front of her amplifying her cleavage. As predicted Elliot's eyes fell down from hers once more. He quickly turned away and focused on the counter top, clearing his throat.

"Olivia, we're not done," he repeated with a little more irritation. "So get changed and we'll discuss this," he said frankly, still not looking at her.

Her eyebrows rose and she held back a smile. He couldn't even look at her and was still inspecting her counter top.

She chewed on her lip watching the side of this face, she knew she shouldn't stir the pot but it was far too tempting. She started stepping towards him.

"If I'm making you uncomfortable Elliot," she said softly.

His gaze wandered back to hers as she approached him and he stiffened slightly as she neared. A few silent moments passed as they held each other's gaze.

"Then leave," she said with sarcasm.

She turned then grabbing the glass and filling it up with water. She felt his eyes on her back and could tell he was choosing his next words carefully.

He stepped closer, coming up behind her and she almost shivered. She was curious as to what he would come back with in response. Her hands shook a little as she turned off the tap.

"I want you to tell Cragen you couldn't handle yourself tonight." He spoke to her back.

She exhaled sharply and shook her head. "You've got to be kidding." Her words echoed into the sink.

She swung around. "Are you trying to piss me off?" Her eyes searched his.

He just watched her with this irate look in his eyes.

"Look Elliot, when you intervened when you did, I admit I was relieved." She pressed her lips together before continuing. "But you broke the rules and Cragen isn't happy."

His expression didn't change and it made her uneasy.

She took a generous sip of water before continuing. "And as much as you refuse to believe it, if it had come down to it I could have defended myself." She put the statement out there.

He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. That penetrating gaze said it all, he wasn't buying it.

More guilt singed it's way through her body and she wasn't sure why. She knew what she was capable of, there was just a small moment of doubt there tonight, a slight moment of weakness.

She was waiting for some kind of response to what she'd just proclaimed and the silence was deafening.

She watched as his lips twisted into a smile. Not a pleasant smile but a sarcastic grimace as if he found her declaration humorous.

"You couldn't even defend yourself against me let alone those two assholes," he told her with assurance, his eyes not leaving hers for a second.

She could feel her hand tighten around the glass of water. She hated when he got like this, he needed to back the hell off. She slammed the glass on the bench and closed the distance between them.

"Elliot do you enjoy being a prick because you're really good at it?" She was furious, the anger flooded through her and every part of her had to refrain from physically pushing him.

His eyes flickered. "Fine Olivia, I'm a prick, who broke protocol to save your ass." His voice was direct and determined.

"No one asked you to!" she yelled back. "Stop treating me like I'm made of glass Elliot, you can't even let me walk into my apartment building without drawing a gun on a passer-by. I've been through the same training as you have and I'm just as capable." Her words had flown out of her so fast she was nearly out of breath.

He paused for a moment and then bowed his head breaking their eye contact.

"You're so fucking naïve," he whispered under his breath.

Her insides screamed. She couldn't believe what he'd just said. He was baiting her and she was taking it.

She stepped forward, so close to him now. She was shaking her head, doing her best to control herself.

"You're so fucking arrogant." She retaliated in a strained whisper.

He didn't retreat the way she was hoping he would, the way she expected he would, instead he looked her dead in the eyes.

"You think you can handle yourself Olivia?" Elliot asked her, his words just a whisper.

"Then prove it."

The challenge sunk in.

She was taken aback but didn't let it show. She wasn't sure what exactly he was implying or how he was expecting her to prove herself, but it had certainly peaked her interest.

She shot him a questioning look. "You giving me an excuse to kick your ass Stabler?" she asked him directly, one eyebrow cocked.

Elliot watched her for a good moment, his eyes flicking back and forth between hers, perhaps debating whether or not to push it. He finally moved backwards and began walking away from her.

She could breathe again now that he wasn't so close.

He was heading towards the coffee table and she watched with curiosity as he pulled his gun out from its holster. She heard him release the bullet chamber before placing the gun on the table.

She fingered her water glass, trying to decipher what his game plan was as he made his way back to her. All she knew was that she had to win this.

"Prove to me." He started to step closer to her removing the distance he'd just created. "That you can protect yourself Olivia." He waited for her eye contact before finishing.

"By getting to my gun."

The words had given her shivers and her stomach hit the floor but she maintained her stability. He was waiting for confirmation but instead she responded immediately by rolling her eyes at the absurdity of his proposal and looked way.

"This is ridiculous," she muttered to the ground, expressing her annoyance at the mere suggestion.

"Why? You don't think you can do it?" he said stepping that little bit closer, eliminating any leftover space between them.

Her eyes were still on the floor. "Elliot... it's late," she spoke letting her eyes close. "I don't have the energy for this." She tried to block out that overwhelming sense of failure when only moments ago she was geared up to fight this.

Her insides were spinning, she knew how dangerous her competitive streak was, when she came across a challenge she wasn't one to back down. Elliot however was well aware of that and had to be playing on it. He was so close she could barely breathe.

"You told me you could handle it Liv." His words were back to a whisper.

She couldn't believe this, he was egging her on. Did he even realise what he was suggesting, how wrong and absurd it was? Cragen would kill them for even considering it.

She couldn't get the thought of proving Elliot wrong out of her head. He had been an asshole all night and she needed him to realise what she was capable of. It was clear he wasn't going to take her word for it.

His eyes were asking her what her decision was and finally some semblance of sanity broke through. She shook her head at him letting the absurdity of the situation known. This wasn't happening, it wasn't worth it, she would bow out gracefully.

She stepped to the side of Elliot attempting to move past him towards the sink but he stepped with her. His body blocked her way and she stopped or else she'd run into him. She couldn't believe this, he thought she was playing.

"Elliot." She looked him directly in the eyes with astonishment. "We're not doing this," she told him with decisiveness. Her heart was beating a mile and there was that lingering tinge of curiosity at the lengths he would go to stop her.

Would he touch her? Grab her? Hold her back from the gun?

"Just get the gun Olivia and I'll drop it." He looked frustrated.

Get the gun? Just like that. This was going to be too hard, she realised quickly that his hands on her wasn't going to drive her to get to the gun, rather she'd fluster in his grasp. He was crossing a huge line even proposing it and she was done considering it.

"How about you just drop it period," she warned her voice low. She moved then, she had to get away from him and this discussion. Without realising she was heading in the direction of the coffee table he reached out and grabbed her upper arm, steadily holding her in place.

She stopped in her tracks, shivers flowing through her at his touch, she tried desperately not to react but the flood of goosebumps trailing over her skin would have given her away. His touch was warm and firm. She wondered how far those hands would go if she took him up on his challenge.

She thought about his bare ring finger.

She tried to will away those thoughts as incentive to do this. The only rational reason for letting him test her like this would be to prove him wrong once and for all and get him off her back. She swallowed, stepping back. His grasp slid from her upper arm lightly skimming the rest of her arm as it fell. He was watching her, trying to gauge whether or not she was going to comply.

"So all I have to do is get to that gun?" she asked, her voice a little horse.

He looked a little surprised at her question. He nodded. She knew he didn't think she would agree to this. Now he was looking worried and that somehow made it easier.

She had to do this.

She eyed the coffee table and bit into her lip, this was pure insanity. She could not believe she had talked herself into this. His challenge, his surprise, that damn warm hand on her skin all spurring her on, thinking this was some kind of brilliant idea.

"Or you can just admit that you can't do it and I'll drop it." His smug words hit into her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. It was official, she had just made up her mind. He'd just severed any sense of doubt she had. The son of a bitch was going to get what was coming to him.

"I get that gun Elliot." She stepped a little closer to him. "And I don't want to hear another word about tonight." Her words were stern. "Deal?" She raised her eyebrows, waiting for his response.

He gripped the edge of the bench top and didn't take his eyes from hers. He paused long enough for Olivia to wonder what she was getting herself into.

"Deal," he said firmly.

Her heart rate amplified at his agreement. What was she doing? She was thinking about those hands on her already.

"You don't get to that gun." His voice broke through her thoughts. "And you tell Cragen you couldn't handle yourself tonight," he said with seriousness. "And that you believe I acted on my best judgement."

She laughed and took a step back raising her hands in the air. This was perfect, he'd just given her an excuse to back out of this and she was jumping on it.

"No way," she said point blank. "That was not part of the deal."

"Olivia," he said with a groan, his hand rubbing over his face in frustration.

"I'm not going to lie Elliot," she told him bluntly giving him a look as if he should understand this.

He just scoffed and looked away, starting at the kitchen tiles. He looked as if he was moments away from walking away and giving up.

She was disappointed for a multitude of reasons but mainly because he wasn't taking her seriously and it killed her. She knew she was going to regret her next choice of words but it didn't matter. She needed this and not just so she could feel his hands back on her.

"How about you just settle on the mere fact that if I don't get the gun, you win Elliot."

He looked up at her then, surprised that she was back to encouraging this when he was ready to drop it.

"That should be enough of an ego boost for one night." She was far too angry and conflicted to let this slide.

She saw her words had cut through him.

"This has nothing to do with my ego," he stabbed back stepping forward. He was closing the distance between them and she realised that if she wanted to win this, she needed to not think about him getting close to her. She had to be strong on that or she'd falter.

He was close now and she'd had enough of waiting. "Elliot Jesus, can we just get this over with before I change my mind?" She knew now there was no way of stopping this without losing.

"The guns over there Olivia, what are you waiting for?" He taunted her with sarcasm.

That got her, she lost grip of her pent up frustration and rammed her palms into his chest. He stumbled backwards slightly but repositioned himself before she had a chance to swipe past him.

She tried to block out the guilt for ramming into him but her hands were probably hurting more than his chest.

It was then she realised that she was about to fight it out in a barely there dress and heals that were practically cutting into her feet. Something she hadn't considered when she agreed to this and was kicking herself for not getting changed first as he'd requested. She was dying for her slacks and comfortable shoes to make a quick get away.

He was watching her, just waiting for her next move to come. He looked confused that she wasn't backing up her first move.

The shoes had to come off she concluded. Reaching down she began to slide off the strap when he stopped her.

"No," he said quickly. "You wore them tonight, you've got to get away in them." He warned her abruptly as if she were trying to cheat.

She sighed and moved back up to face him. "Any more _rules_ Elliot?" Her voice was strong and sarcastic but her insides were melting.

How the hell did he expect her to get past him in heals? She would have had a good chance under normal circumstances but she could barely walk in these shoes let alone fight in them.

"I'm waiting Liv." He watched her, his voice back to taunting her.

She sucked in a breath, she was nervous now, his chest had been so damn hard. Harder than she remembered and she knew how devastatingly strong he was. What the hell was she doing? Who the hell did she think she was kidding?

She just had to get this over with. Rip the bandaid, jump off the diving board, before she chickened out. She was still staring into Elliot's eyes when she made her move. She was fast but not fast enough.

He had her already, his arms encircled her waist from behind as she tried to swipe past him. She sucked in a breath. Now was that time where she needed to not think about his arms around her waist or his chest pushing into her back. She struggled against him and tried sliding out of his hold but he had her tight. She twisted around and he nearly lost her but lunged forward.

As he grabbed hold of her again they both fell against the counter. He held her with his body, his chest flat against her back, his crotch pushing square into her backside. She closed her eyes, she could feel every crevice of his body against hers and his warm breath against her neck.

She had to do something and fast, her short dress was hiking up from the struggle. She was gripping the counter for leverage when she pushed her body back into his in an attempt to catch him off guard. It worked, he wasn't expecting it and he slipped backward and fell bringing her down with him.

They hit the kitchen floor tiles with a thud. He fell on his back, she on her side.

"You ok?" Elliot asked in a panic.

The slap their bodies made against the tiles had been deafening and for all he knew she could have been hurt. Olivia used this to her advantage and was already sliding to her feet when he realised she was ok. He lunged forward and grabbed her. She had barely gotten to her knees when he fell into her, almost tackling her back to the ground.

She landed on her back and he grabbed one of her wrists as it was the first thing he could secure. He attempted to slide her back across the floor to him but she was determined to twist away. He moved over to her side instead and before she got her bearings he dropped his weight on top of her. He ceased her other wrist and pinned them both against the tiles.

Everything stopped, her struggle, her breathing, all movements.

Elliot Stabler was lying on top of her.

Something she hadn't considered he'd resort to. Something she wasn't prepared for.

They gained eye contact. The tiles were cold and his body was heavy. She could barely breathe. His breathing was ragged but it was slowing now that Olivia was still.

Things grew silent, Elliot's his face was strikingly close. She was trying to block it out, his body on top of hers, holding her captive against the cold tiles of her apartment. His lips inches from hers, his crotch pushing into her thigh.

Jesus Christ.

She did everything in her power not to break the eye contact, she had to remain strong and let him think this wasn't affecting her. She pulled her bottom lip between hers. He made motions to speak but stopped himself, instead he just watched her, drawing in her lip.

His chest was pushing into hers and she realised she had to take quick short breaths to get the air in from his weight. She tried to shift her body underneath his but she could barely move.

"Do you give in?" His voice was breathy and she could hear the anxiety in his tone. That was a comfort to her.

Give in? His words were presumptuous and only spurred her on. This wasn't over.

"Don't flatter yourself." Her voice was strained from the pressure.

She broke the eye contact, it was too much. She couldn't get over the fact that Elliot was lying on top of her. His leg was between hers. He was caging one of her legs with his body, while her other was propped up a little along side his. He had no qualms letting his whole body weight press into her.

She wondered what the hell was going through his head. Was he freaking out as much as she was? Did he think restraining her right away was going to drive his point home further? Did he realise how many boundaries he was crossing right now?

She wanted to tell him to get off her, that this wasn't part of the plan. That it wasn't what she'd expected but she knew what he'd come back with. She was supposed to get to the coffee table and he was supposed to stop her, by any means possible. End of story. Those means resulted in his body pushing into hers.

He drew out a sigh.

"Olivia, just give in." He was getting impatient and it was no wonder, she was barely moving. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do in this situation but she wasn't about to give in.

She had to think of a way out of this. She had to locate his weakness or sway him with words if she couldn't with her strength. If he were anyone else, anyone else holding her down against her will she would have kneed him so hard in the groin they'd be crying by now but this was Elliot. This was just a test and unbeknownst to him, he wasn't holding her down unwillingly.

Her leg between his was getting numb so she shifted beneath him, angling her back into the floor in an effort to get comfortable, as a result her thigh pushed softly up into his crotch. Elliot bit into his lip and she felt the grip on her wrists loosen slightly.

Her eyes made their way up to his in surprise. He didn't meet her halfway, instead he was staring at the tiles beneath her. Her shifting had directly resulted in his discomfort. He was just holding her wrists now rather than restraining them because she accidentally moved her thigh between his legs.

Jesus Christ. She wasn't going there.

"Olivia," he said quietly, still looking at the tiles. Her stomach spiralled at what he was going to say to her, she was nervous as hell. Was he going to call her out on her thigh infringement?

Finally his eyes made their way to hers and she held her breath.

"You're not even trying," he told finally with exasperation, clearly uncomfortable at the position they were in.

She wasn't going to take advantage of it.

She closed her eyes for a second, taking a moment. "What do you expect me to do?" She returned the annoyance with her tone.

He sighed losing patience. "Either get the gun, or give in."

His hands were practically lying flat on her wrists now, no longer holding her.

She needed to take this opportunity and she needed to take it now. She ripped her wrists out from underneath his and elbowed him in the chest abruptly, he called out in pain and tipped to the side. She was scrambling forward, gearing herself into a kneeling position when he grabbed at her ankle. She was crawling, trying to shake her ankle out of his grip but he had a firm hold of her. He pulled her backward and she fell, sliding back to him across the cold tiles.

She was livid, she twisted around to face him and he dropped himself back onto her, only this time his body just coated the side of her. He was trapping her against the side of the kitchen cabinets. She snapped.

"This is ridiculous Elliot!" she yelled. "I can't even defend myself properly!"

"Exactly," he said quickly catching his breath. "Is that an admission? Can we end this?"

She pushed him hard in the chest trying to gain some room to escape and he barely budged. He reached her wrists in their pursuit.

"I would have kneed you in the groin Elliot," she said trying to pull her wrists from his capture. "The moment you were on top of me."

Saying those words out loud made her dizzy.

"Obviously you don't want me to go that far." She gave him a serious look. "So that's why we're ending this." She was ready to cave in, this was getting too much.

He wasn't so ready.

"Do what you have to do Olivia," he said sternly.

She wanted to kill him. She had given him an out and he didn't take it. Obviously she wasn't going to limit his chances of having anymore children, or cause him that much pain but his words were both cocky and ridiculous. She realised quickly there was no way she could win this without really hurting him and right now, he deserved it.

In one movement, she slid her heals off her feet and kicked him hard in the stomach. His grip left her wrists and his back hit the kitchen cabinets with a thud. He had been so caught of guard that her force had impact. He probably didn't think she'd do it.

He was moaning and holding his stomach and she was lunging into a standing position already. She had bought adequate time to get close to the coffee table. She saw the gun in site, she was just moments away when he grabbed her around the waist and swung her towards the wall.

She stopped herself from running into it with her hands. She was furious, she could have hit the wall face first and it spurred on memories from earlier in the night. She turned around and he was close. She lost it slapping him hard against the side of his face.

"Fuck." He grabbed his face in shock.

She wasted no time moving past him, he quickly realised her intent, grabbed her as she headed for the table and moved her back, pushing her up against the wall. His body followed holding her in place, their faces aligned.

"What the hell was that?" he questioned angrily, panting against her face.

"It was an opened fist Elliot, I could have punched you," she offered bitterly, as if it were some sort of constellation.

She was so angry at him, he was a cocky, boundary crossing, son of a bitch. How dare he put her in this position to begin with? How could he have even suggested this? All to prove a fucking point. She was going to do everything in her power to win this.

Their chests were moving against each other with every breath. He was holding her firmly as if he expected her to bolt at any minute but she wasn't struggling. She stood still. She was giving herself a chance to catch her breath and analyse her next move. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the wall. She was so close to the coffee table now which was a great advantage, all she needed was one good move.

As she opened her eyes she noticed Elliot's gaze was no longer on her face, it had dropped slightly south. Her eyes widened. Was she seeing this correctly? Was he really looking down her dress? Without her heals on he would have had a good view down her cleavage. She couldn't believe it.

She considered pulling him up on it, making a point that he was so blatantly checking her out. Maybe embarrassing him would cause him to falter but that wasn't a guaranteed method. She needed to know she was going to win this and she knew exactly how she could.

She moved her wrists against his in a pathetic attempt at a struggle, her breasts pushing into his chest as she did so. His eyes flicked back to hers and she was watching him as she struggled. She didn't say anything just eyed him like she knew exactly what he was doing checking her out.

He looked slightly embarrassed but he wasn't going to acknowledge it. Instead, he ignored it.

"You're not taking this seriously," he said bitterly.

She thought that was rich. Did he really think he was taking it seriously? He was too busy checking out her breasts to take this seriously.

"The Olivia I know would have me in a headlock right now," he said gruffly, waiting for some kind of an explanation for her submission. The son of a bitch deserved to be in one.

She pulled her lower lip into her mouth coating it with a slight layer of moisture. His eyes flicked to her lips and he shifted a little. She felt his lower half shift against her hip and she sucked in a breath. It was one of those moments where her insides were screaming at her not to continue down this path. It wasn't right, but neither had his actions been tonight.

She very subtly and without another though shifted her hip, in an effort to portray her shifting for comfort. Incidentally she had rubbed her hip against his crotch. She didn't get much of a reaction, he had quite the pokerface but he couldn't mask the concern in his eyes. That she could see.

She shifted again and this time he gave her a look. She knew he wanted to ask her what she was doing. She was still shifting when she noticed his lower half was no longer caging her, he'd pulled away from the wall slightly. He was also no longer making eye contact, instead he was staring intently at the wall behind them. She hid the smile from her face.

"Just give it up Olivia," he spoke to the wall in a near whisper. She could see quite clearly that he was getting desperate, he was struggling with this and wanted it to end for other reasons.

She knew this was her ticket out. He was physically stronger than her there was no way around that, his grip on her wrists were like iron. She just had to out smart him.

She needed to get him closer to her. In an attempt to portray her escape, she pushed into him with her whole body. The gun was directly behind him so he wasted no time pushing into her again, sandwiching her against the wall. She continued to fight against him, pushing her breasts into him, pulling at her wrists and moving her lower half against his.

His head dropped forward and rested against the wall, she got a shock when she realised he was so close, their cheeks were brushing and she could feel his hot breath on her neck. She got shivers and slowed down her struggle.

"Olivia." He practically moaned into her ear.

If her heart wasn't too busy slamming into her chest she would have taken pride in his reaction. His warm breath on her neck was intoxicating and she was finding it hard to catch her breath.

"Yeah," she answered him, her voice was breathy and weak.

That's when she pushed her thigh up against him and he snapped, moving her wrists up over her head, ceasing them with one of his hands. Her heart was racing, what was he going to do? His free hand made it's way between their bodies and grasped her bare inner thigh. He held it firmly against the wall so she could no longer move it against him.

Elliot Stabler has his hand between her fucking legs. She stopped breathing.

"Stop it," he said sternly, his lip brushing her ear as he warned her. Her eyes closed and she rested her head back against the wall again.

"Stop what?" She pretended to be confused. This was harder than she had thought. She would never have imagined Elliot would have his hands between her legs. She was supposed to be getting him flustered, not the other way around.

"Olivia." He warned her.

Those lips were brushing against her cheek when he said the words that sent shivers through her body.

"Stop.. fucking with me."

He was onto her, he knew what she was trying to do and dear god, his hand was burning against her thigh. He was so close, if he just slid his hand a little higher he'd feel just how much this is affecting her.

She felt his lips leave her cheek, coming off the wall and she opened her hazy eyes to find him staring at her. She dropped her head forward and his lips become alarmingly close.

She saw the gun out of the corner of her eyes, a sharp reminder that this was still a game. Her heart was beating ferociously against his chest. She was just standing there watching him.

He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and sucked on it for a good moment before releasing it.

She swallowed, her eyes dropping to his lip, it was rosy and full and suddenly all she could think about is taking it between hers.

Jesus she needed to get a hold of herself.

"One minute," he said in a whisper and her eyes pulled away from his lips and moved up to his startling blue eyes. She wasn't sure if it was the dim lighting but she noticed they'd taken on a deeper blue that usual.

One minute what? She wanted to ask but she couldn't for the life of her formulate words at this point. She was ridiculously aware of his hand that is still warming her inner thigh.

"You've got one minute Olivia." He told her still whispering, shifting slightly against her body.

He was giving her a time limit now. She realised he was struggling with this and he was ready for this to end.

"Fifty seconds," he continued, his voice low.

She swallowed, she was going to lose this fight and it was killing her. She was supposed to be distracting him and now she'd become distracted by those lips, that hand. She had to figure out her getaway plan. This wasn't going to end against this wall.

She noticed his eyes had relaxed somewhat and she could almost see the makings of a smile within them. Pretty soon he'd have all the ammunition he would need. He'd be cocky, arrogant and over protective and she will have no standing. The thought of being moments away from failing this test snapped her out of submission.

Like hell she'd let him win.

Every fibre inside of her was screaming at her not to go through it. Her eyes dipped back to those sweet lips just daring her to do it. They were close and just waiting for her, there was no going back.

She lost her internal struggle and leaned in capturing his lips, kissing him hard. She pulled that bottom lip that had been taunting all night her between hers. Their lips meshed together and if he wasn't pinning her against the wall she would have probably slid down it. She tilted her head, intending to deepen the kiss and immediately he pulled back.

His hand left her thigh and he backed up a little, his eyes an expression of shock.

Her heart was pounding. What the hell did she just do? For a moment she thought he was going to walk away from her but instead he just slowly released her wrists. They felt slightly sore but she was more concerned about the fact that she had just kissed Elliot Stabler.

He was eyeing her now like she'd just killed his first born and she felt as guilty as sin but she couldn't falter. She'd come this far, it would be wasted if she didn't follow through with her plan. Her eyes had never left his and she started to step forward, closing the small distance between them.

Before he could stop her, her lips had returned to his and she wasted no time taking it deeper. She needed to take the control so he'd be the caught off guard vulnerable one. She opened her mouth against his and she could taste him now. This was a set up, she knew that, but her body was exploding with every second. She pulled his top lip between hers and she could sense his hesitation. She had to break him.

She purposefully moved her hip into his side and his hand came to grab her lower back to steady himself. Her lips were trailing over his and her stomach spiralled at the thought of sliding her tongue into his mouth.

She had to do it, she needed to weaken him so his defences were down. She parted his lips with her own and slid her tongue determinedly between his lips. She was shocked when he moaned into her mouth at the sensation, but it was a weak moan as if he was going to stop this any moment. Her thoughts were confirmed when he pushed her back firmly, her lips left his and she was met with his questioning gaze.

This was harder than she'd thought. Any other guy and there would be no hesitation, no questioning but this was her partner. Her heart was thumping a mile. She prayed he wasn't going to ask her what she was doing because at that point she wouldn't be able to answer.

He opened his mouth to say something and she stepped forward stopping him in his tracks, he took a step backwards trying to keep some distance between them but she followed him step for step. She maintained the eye contact. As the back of his knees come in contact with the side of her couch, he had no where to go and the distance between them ended.

She stepped closer to him, trying to ignore her inclining heart rate.

"Liv," he said as a breathless warning, his eyes full of concern. She kept reminding herself that this was a test and that she had to continue.

She grasped his forearms, he was already off balance so all it took was a gentle push and his heavy body fell onto the couch behind them. She could see the gun in her eye line and realised with Elliot on the couch, she could lunge for it right now. Then again he could be quick enough to stop her.

She took a deep breath and climbed onto the couch and up the length of him. She could see him eying her generous cleavage from this angle and her stomach spiralled. His gaze drew up to hers and she was watching him, for some reason now nervous as all hell.

His body was warm and she was practically lying on him. He watched her, just waiting for her to make her move. She noticed he didn't have that same concern in his eyes anymore which instead of being a relief was quite the opposite. She dipped her lips to his but then hesitated, trying to figure out if this is where she should stop this.

That was when his hand came up framing her cheek and pulled her lips down to his.

He parted them with his own and deepened the kiss. She was floored, after all his hesitation suddenly he was the one kissing her. She melted into the kiss and let her body sink into his.

He was tugging at her top lip when she felt his hand skim across her bare thigh. Her dress had ridden up in their position and was only just covering her ass. His touch was mind blowing, his hands on her were out of control and she wanted more. His other hand was framing her cheek when his tongue slid into her mouth. Her stomach dropped a mile. She moaned into his mouth, losing restraint she pushed her hip into his crotch.

He moaned at her movement and squeezed her thigh in response. She slipped her tongue into meet his and he trumped her pushing his thigh up between her legs.

A noise escaped from the base of her throat and she broke away the kiss, "El… I." She was so turned on she could barely speak.

His lips captured hers once more and his hand moved over her ass, across the material of her dress until it ended at her upper thigh. She got goosebumps as his hand loitered on her bare skin. This confidence had come out of nowhere, he had been so resistant at first and now his hands were all over her. He was still kissing her when his hand slid up her backside this time taking the dress with it. That's when they ran over her ass across the thin material of her panties, she had to stop herself from moaning.

She realised this was quickly moving in dangerous waters and if she was going to do what she had sought out to do, it better be soon. This was going way too far.

He grabbed her then, as if he suspected her hesitation and rolled them quickly and firmly off the couch. They landed on the floor with a thud and that's when she felt his hardness push into her hip. Before she had a chance to get her bearings back he had brought their lips back together.

She was getting dizzy. He wanted this, he wanted her and lord knows she wanted him. His lips moved down kissing her neck and her eyes slipped shut. She felt a hand slide over her breast, his thumb running across her erect nipple and she couldn't hold back the moan this time. It had hit her square between the legs, this was excruciating.

Fuck.

"God Liv." He moaned into her neck and she bit into her lip. The guilt was scolding.

She didn't want to stop this, she'd give anything to just throw in the towel but this was wrong, so wrong. This was just supposed to be a test.

A fucking test.

He was her partner for god sake and he'd set her up tonight and right now, she was failing. She had started this for a reason and she was going to finish it.

She realised in her moment of clarity that she had to do this fast, if his hand smoothed over her breast one more time she'd be gone. He had her on the ground and it certainly wasn't as easy as when she was on top. She took a deep breath and pushed him firmly in the side with both hands and a knee until he fell off her to the side colliding with the coffee table. She lunged up into a standing position, grabbed the gun and pointed it at him.

The guilt burned into her, scorched her and it felt like she was going to be sick.

He rolled away from the coffee table and started up at her. Her face wasn't smug or proud, she just gave him a helpless look, almost apologetic.

His body weight rested on his elbows and his breathing was steady, unlike hers. One thing was for sure, he knew. It's written all over his face. He didn't have to ask her what she was doing.

He stood up slowly and she had to steady her hand from shaking. He stepped closer towards her, those blue eyes now practically black. He shook his head at her and she swallowed.

What the hell had she done?

He moved in and snatched his gun aggressively from her hand. She wanted to step back, create some distance from him but she felt glued to the ground. He was just watching her as if he was deciding what to do with her. She wanted to say something to stable the situation but nothing she could say could wipe that look of betrayal off his face.

"Fuck you," he said the words roughly and they vibrated around the room.

She felt like shit, worse than shit. She was dizzy, desperately trying not to shake. This had seemed like such a bulletproof idea 5 minutes ago, now it felt like the most moronic.

He was watching her, waiting for some kind of response but she had nothing. When he realised she wasn't going to respond to his outburst he reached down and picked up the bullet chamber. He watched her as he loaded his gun and re-holstered it.

He was still looking at her for that explanation and she couldn't bare his scrutinising gaze any longer. She broke the eye contact and looked away. She heard him scoff quietly under his breath as he turned to walk towards her door.

She couldn't let it end like this, she had to say something. As his hand gripped her door handle her voice finally complied.

"Do what you have to do Olivia," she said, repeating his words quietly.

He stopped cold. His hand stilled on the door handle.

Olivia swallowed. She could have been apologetic, she could have tried to fix this but instead she had just thrown the grenade straight into his back.

He swung around and stalked towards her. He was livid.

"You've got to be kidding me," he said in a yell. "That proves nothing," he told her shaking his head. He wasn't going to give it to her.

"Face it Elliot, I won." She needed him to acknowledge it. "You're just angry you let your guard down," she told him with force.

He laughed bitterly, his fists were clenching. "You call that defending yourself?"

He stepped closer, "So what's your method Olivia? Fuck the guy before he rapes you?" he yelled.

She slapped him hard across the face and it echoed through the room. He had crossed a line and she was fuming. He rubbed his jaw and she wanted to hit him again.

"Distractthe guy before he rapes me you son of bitch," she yelled in response, reeling at his words.

He shook his head at her, and she could see the redness forming across his cheek already. Her insides were burning.

"Go to hell Olivia," Elliot whispered roughly.

She just stood there and watched as he headed for the door and slammed it behind him.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

She'd dreaded going to work before. The morning after Sealview, Gitano, but this was different.

She'd arrived early in hope that she wouldn't have to face him before she had a chance to settle in. Munch was in but Fin and Elliot's desks were deserted. She didn't know whether to breathe a sigh of relief or anxiety at his absence.

Munch looked up from his coffee as Olivia dropped her stuff on her desk, a little surprised to see her.

"Hey Liv, how you feeling?" he asked with an air of concern. 

"I'm fine." She shook off her coat and moved over to the counter to grab a coffee.

_I'm fine. _

A statement Olivia had a habit of overusing particularly in times when she was the exact opposite.

There was as brief silence before Munch continued.

"You know if you wanted to take a day off I'm sure Cragen wouldn't mind." He made the suggestion as he came over to the counter.

She gripped her coffee mug and swung around annoyed. "What you too?"

Munch looked puzzled.

She closed her eyes trying to bring on some sort semblance of control, she hadn't even been here a minute and she was losing it.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to redeem herself. Her eyes fell to her empty mug. "I just don't need someone else telling me how incapable I am."

Munch stepped a little closer. "You're plenty capable Liv," he told her softly. "It just would have been a rough night is all."

She nodded relieved at his encouragement. If only he knew. She picked up the pot of steaming coffee and began to pour.

"This about Elliot? He giving you a hard time?" His eyes studied the side of her face.

Her hand shook slightly at the question, she had to steady her hands as she poured.

That name, and already she was flustered.

"Look, it's fine really," she told him placing the coffee pot back. She didn't wait around for him to continue, she just headed for her desk. Even if she had wanted sugar or creamer it wouldn't have been worth it. She wasn't going to continue that conversation. She blew on her coffee and took a small sip. The caffeine was beyond welcome.

"Morning Elliot." She heard the words come from Munch and a flush of apprehension flooded through her. She glanced over her shoulder to catch Elliot walking towards his desk. Without so much as a look in her direction he dropped his coat and let it fall messily over the back of his chair.

She swallowed realising that if he wasn't going to answer Munch she'd have no luck with him. She watched as he moved over to the grab a coffee mug and Munch shot Olivia a look. She tried not to pay attention, instead pulling out the latest case file.

"Elliot, get in here."

Olivia looked up to see Cragen at his door barking at Elliot, her stomach dropped. She knew that tone, she knew Cragen was pissed at Elliot.

Elliot stilled, putting his coffee mug firmly back down. He turned around and walked towards Cragen's office. She watched him in his pursuit and without warning his eyes flicked to hers just before he got to Cragen's door. She could barely breathe at the eye contact. The door shut behind them and she bit into her lip.

"What was that all about?" Munch asked her and she just shook her head, praying he wouldn't push it further.

Just as Munch opened his mouth to say something his phone rang.

"Hey Fin," Munch answered.

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, grateful the heat was off her.

She was flicking through the case file when the door to Cragen's office opened and Elliot came back into view.

He quickly grabbed his coat from his chair and without so much as a glance in Olivia's direction, headed for the exit. She closed her eyes and tried not to read too much into it.

"Olivia." Cragen's voice snapped her back to reality. Her eyes moved up to his, he was motioning for her to come into his office. She stood up and walked towards him. As she passed through the threshold, he shut the door behind them.

"Take a seat," he said and her heart rate ascended with concern. She took the seat he offered, almost tasting the situations severity.

He considered her as she sat down. Olivia clasped her hands in front of her trying to exude complacency.

"You ok?" he asked her with a hint of apprehension. She noticed he was barely making eye contact with her now.

She cleared her throat. "I'm fine," she said reiterating her earlier response. She felt like a broken record.

"I just want to make sure." His eyes flickered from hers to the door behind her and back, she could tell he was uneasy.

"What's this about?" She shifted in her seat, determined to get to the point.

He gave her his full eye contact and she could tell it was killing him. "Elliot seems to think that you're not ok."

Olivia's eyebrows came together, she tried to quench the impending anger.

"Well Elliot should mind his own business," she said with a little too much distain.

"Like told you, I'm fine," she repeated.

He considered her rebuttal. "So are you confident in saying that during the events of last night you felt adequately capable and sufficiently safe given the circumstances?"

Her fingernails dug into the arms of her chair. She was going to kill him, what on earth did he say to Cragen.

"Yes," she said through gritted teeth, trying desperately to control her temper.

He bit into his lip, as if he was determining whether or not she was being honest. She prayed he wouldn't push it. His eyes finally made their way back to hers.

"I'd like you to see Huang."

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"What. Why?" she said with annoyance. This had come out of nowhere.

When he didn't answer right away she continued.

"You just asked me if I was ok, and what, you don't believe me?"

First Elliot, then Munch, now her captain. She'd had enough, she was ready to pick a fight.

Cragen took in a deep breath.

"It's just a formality," he said with conviction.

"That's bullshit." She lent forward. "It's only a formality when you don't take my word for it."

Cragen's eyes narrowed in on Olivia, a visible gesture to let her know she was crossing a line.

"That's enough Olivia, if you believe there was no problem last night, then there should be no problem seeing Huang," he told her sternly.

"It's a waste of time, that's my problem. Elliot put you up to this didn't he?" She put it out there, he had to be behind this.

"Elliot had nothing to do with this," Cragen began and before she could rebut he finished. "Now I don't want to hear another word, you're seeingHuang this afternoon and that's final."

She stood up, the chair moving backwards at her stance. She didn't respond, she needed to get out of that office right now or she'd end up saying something she'd regret. As her hand reached the doorknob to his office, his voice stopped her from turning it.

"You'll be working with Fin until further notice," he told her flatly.

That one sentence made her nearly collapse. She turned around to see Cragen's attention was now drawn to the file in front of him.

"Why?" Her voice nearly broke. A million reasons flew through her mind.

Elliot had requested another partner.

Cragen had picked up on the issues between them.

Elliot was quitting.

Elliot had requested another partner.

That last one stuck with her.

"Elliot's been suspended until further notice," he said, answering her lingering question.

She swallowed, an outcome she hadn't considered. She let go of the handle. "Why?" she repeated angrily.

Nothing was making sense.

Cragen's voice rose in volume. "He broke protocol, he crossed a line, I said 'wait' and he didn't. He needs to know he can't go around half cocked doing whatever he damn well pleases, something you've seemed to pick up from him along the years," he told her ending the sentence in a yell.

She bit into her lip, feeling suddenly responsible.

"So are you going to tell me you don't agree with Elliot's suspension, that you did require assistance, that you weren't capable of protecting yourself?"

He asked the million dollar question. It was a catch 22, there was no way out of this if she wanted to keep her dignity. She considered the question with an open mind, it was a blurry line. She had been grateful for his intervention but when it came down to it, did she need it?

"I had it under control," she said that words that sold her soul.

"But that doesn't mean I agree with the suspension." The words left her mouth with conviction as she finally twisted the doorknob and exited his office.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Jesus Christ Olivia Benson was pure sin.

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't always found her attractive on some level. Even day one he wanted to kick Cragen's ass for partnering him with perfection, but through the years he'd managed by some miracle to manifest the attraction into admiration and a deep friendship not even Kathy understood.

He had those moments where he'd find himself lingering on the fullness of her lips when she spoke to him, or he'd involuntarily catch the curve of her backside as she walked by his desk but it was drilled in to him from the beginning that she was his partner and through that marine mode of self brainwashing, that's all she was to him.

Until last night.

Last night she threw a bloody grenade into the wall they'd been building between them for ten long years and he was helpless. It's as if she taken that trusty 'thou shalt not covert thy partner' manual they'd both been so diligently referencing and tossed it to the wind. He was enraged at how easy it was for her to sever the past ten years over a foolish competition.

He knew it had disaster written all over it the moment Cragen told her she was the bait on this case. She didn't listen to him, she was determined to do her job without question. When he saw her get out of that car in that breathtakingly scarce red dress, those bare legs strutting towards the bar, the low cut dip of her dress he nearly choked right there.

A part of him wanted to run over and cover her up like he would have if it had been one of his daughters but he didn't have that right when it came to her. He had no control over what she did, how she dressed and who she let into her life and it killed him.

He rubbed his eyes, it was getting late and he'd spent all day lying around like death. He used to pray for a day off like this and he'd wasted it wallowing in his own self pity. His hand cradled a warm beer, the label assassinated by his mindless picking. He brought the bottle up to his lips and cringed as the warm liquid ran down the back of his throat. He needed a cold one but the effort of getting to the fridge was too much for him.

He licked his lips and he could taste her. Those damn lips, those full breasts, that searing body on his. He wondered if she knew exactly what the hell she'd done to him. This wasn't something he could just switch off, every time he closed his eyes he was picturing her in that dress, on the floor, moaning into his mouth. His hand was still burning from running over her ass, over those barely there panties.

He heard a knock and his eyes snapped open. He stilled, unsure of what he'd heard so he waited. A few moments passed a second knock at the door confirmed he wasn't hearing things. He didn't want to move, he wanted to lay here and think about Olivia before he came out of his intoxicated state and realised she was off limits.

"Elliot?"

That voice he'd recognise in a coma made his heart rate bolt into a frenzy. He didn't want her here, not in reality. He wanted her in his thoughts where he was safe to do as he pleased with no consequences. He wasn't getting up, the cold beer in the fridge didn't tempt him, and neither would she.

"Elliot?" Olivia repeated with a firmer knock and he gripped the massacred bottle in his hand trying to ease the tension.

What the hell did she think she was doing here anyway? Was she expecting forgiveness for shamelessly throwing herself at him so willingly last night? Did she really think he was going to let her in after she'd mind fucked the hell out of him? She could knock on his door all night, he wasn't moving.

"Elliot…" her voice dragged a little like she was getting frustrated. Well he was frustrated too, try sleeping with an unforgiving hard on after your partner practically dry humped you.

"Elliot!" She'd lost her patience.

He slammed the beer bottle on the coffee table and the warm liquid shot to the top, pouring out the side spilling onto the surface of the table. It ran between the half a dozen bottles next to it and he stood up knocking the table slightly.

His head was fuzzy, he'd been lying down so long he didn't realise how much he'd been drinking. He was wearing a white singlet and sweat pants and looked around for his hoodie which he swore he left somewhere on the couch.

"Elliot, open the door!" she yelled with annoyance. She had obviously heard him moving around inside and was getting irritated at his lengthy delay.

He wanted to tell her to go away, to leave him alone and go find some other unsuspecting guy to torture but as she yelled through the door all he could picture was those tantalising lips.

Blaming it on his drunken state, he came to the conclusion that it was worth opening the door just to see those lips again.

"Elliot I swear to God-"

He pulled the door open to see her angry expression. Those lips stopping mid sentence. He looked at her eyes which fell momentarily taking in his attire, to his chest, his bare arms and back to his eyes.

"You swear to God…what?" he asked her slowly, holding onto the doorframe like a barrier.

"Why didn't you answer the door?" she said a little less forcibly, taken aback.

She was still in her work clothes he noted as he chewed on his lip, he couldn't believe in just a simple top and jeans he was already faltering.

He could see beneath her jacket, the light blue t-shirt hugging her breast and he wanted to close his eyes. Forty eight hours ago he wouldn't be looking at her breasts. She was waiting for an answer, but he'd already forgotten the question.

"What do you want?" he said roughly, as if he'd lost his patience.

"I want to talk to you," she said stepping closer as if she expected him to let her enter like old times.

He couldn't let her in, he was already furious at himself for opening the door to her to begin with. If she came inside he'd spend the next painful conversation trying to keep his eyes off her body and his hands to himself.

She was looking edgy and confused as to why he wasn't stepping aside.

"Go home Olivia," he told her coarsely, masking the desperation from his voice.

"Elliot," she said as her eyebrows came together in annoyance. "You're not even going to give me chance to fix this?"

That's when the penny dropped. He remembered just how angry he was at her. She sure as hell had something to fix, but the fact that she thought that was possible was almost laughable.

"You think you can fix this?" he said with a laugh. "You know what Olivia, do yourself a favour and don't waste your time," he told her directly shaking his head.

Her expression sunk as she took in his words. She chewed on her lip. It almost looked like she was going to cry.

"Elliot," she began her voice cracking. He watched as she looked away.

He nearly felt guilty watching her but realised she deserved every minute of this.

Her eyes came back to his.

"I'm sorry," she told him almost in a whisper.

His hand gripped the doorframe. She was trying to get out of this with two words. Two words and he would be left with a lifetime of sleepless nights. He had two paths he could take, one accept her apology or two rip it to shreds.

"For what?" his question hung between them. "For getting me suspended or fucking up our partnership?" he said bitterly. He wasn't giving her the easy way out.

He watched as her eyes flickered at his statement and he could see the anger taking over, she didn't look like she was going to break anymore. He'd pissed her off too much to be upset.

"You can save the dramatics Elliot, our partnership has survived worse than this," she said slowly. "And if you're seriously going blame me for your suspension then that's pathetic."

He smiled at her, a victorious smile. "Pathetic? What's pathetic is you thinking we can still be partners. I'm done Olivia and you've only got yourself to blame for that." He moved to shut the door on her but she was too quick, using her body to stop him from shutting it.

"Screw you Elliot," she whispered angrily, her foot wedged between the door. He could see the emotion just marginally under the anger. She was scared.

"You're gonna throw ten years away because of a kiss," she yelled.

A kiss. He couldn't believe what he'd heard.

He released the pressure on the door and opened it a little wider causing her to steady herself from falling.

"A kiss?" Elliot repeated with disbelief. He laughed a little.

"That was a kiss, was it?" His laughter turned into a scowl.

"So on your couch when you were lying on top of me on, moaning my name, rubbing your thigh against my-"

"Elliot." She looked away as if she'd just spent all night blocking it out too. She couldn't look at him, she was focusing on a small stain on the hall carpet.

"All so you could prove me wrong," he said speaking to her bowed head with disappointment. "The only thing you proved was how fucking stupid you could be," he said finishing off with a yell.

There was silence, so he took the opportunity to continue. "Ironic that you thought _you_ were outsmarting _me_." He shook his head as his words faded off.

Her eyes made their way back to his. "Fine Elliot, you're right. What I did _was_ stupid. I have no idea what I could have possibly been thinking."

He seemed a little surprised at her sudden confession. He was about to interject when she continued.

"But before you play the innocent card, lets not forget who had who pinned against the floor, against the wall in the first place."

He immediately folded his arms in front of his chest. "That was part of the test Olivia and you know it."

His defensiveness soared and he was sure she could feel his sudden discomfort at the direction she was taking this.

"Well, I wonder what Cragen would think of your little test," she said slowly.

Elliot's back straightened and he drew silent. She must have seen his weakness and latched onto it.

"I can't believe this," he said in shock. "Are you really threatening me?"

She just watched him, giving him no offer of a reply.

"It wasn't like that and you know it," he said slowly, his eyes begging her to retract her statement.

She held his gaze before continuing. "Of course not Elliot, it was completely innocent," she told him, her voice was low as she stepped towards him. "Your hands on my ass, my breasts, between my legs…"

What the hell was she implying? That he'd taken advantage of her? His eyes narrowed and his fists clenched around the doorframe, his voice became a whisper.

"Fuck you."

She had some fucking neve threatening sexual harassment.

He just watched as she smirked at him. "Yeah," she spoke with a soft laugh. "You'd like that wouldn't you," she said with sarcasm.

His eyes widened at her blunt statement and it broke him from any grasp of control. He stepped forward grabbing the lapel of her open jacket and pulled her forward. Her hands came up to steady herself as he tugged her into the apartment. When he got her through the threshold he stopped pulling and instead pushed her into the back of door until it slammed shut beneath their weight.

He moved in close, his chest pushed against hers confining her against the door. His lips wavered alarmingly close to hers and his eyes wandered down taking in her lips.

"You seriously crying sexual harassment Olivia?" he asked her in a whisper.

She wasn't moving, she was perfectly still. It looked as if she wasn't even breathing. She just watched him, her eyes glued to his unwavering, seemingly unbothered by this new closer proximity.

He was bothered by it. Her smell was intoxicating, the smell of her shampoo so familiar. His palms were either side of her at shoulder height, holding him self up against the wall. The multiple beers he'd consumed tonight meant he needed that crutch.

"_You_ kissed _me_," he told her trying desperately to keep the slur out of his words. His eyes dipped to her lips once more at his statement. She didn't move, didn't even adjust herself against the door and his chest.

"_You_ touched _me_," he said as though he needed another example as back up. He could feel a heart beating ferociously at his chest, but couldn't figure out if it was his, or hers, or both simultaneously.

His mind was racing at how many boundaries he was crossing right now but he couldn't help it. She couldn't blame him for this so he continued.

"You want sexual harassment Olivia?" he asked her softly.

She just watched him. Her eyes almost begging him to continue.

His voice resumed. "Because I can give you sexual harassment."

Her eyes flickered at his statement. Finally a reaction, she was human after all. She narrowed her eyes at him and began to speak.

"You son of a bitch, get off me," she told him, her words dry. She spoke slowly emitting a lack of urgency. Although it was a command, her body didn't follow suit. She stood there comfortably, making no motion to push him away.

His heart was racing, what the hell was she doing? The Olivia he knew would have him on the floor by now if she were uncomfortable. Was she playing with him?

He had no choice but to take control and demand an answer. "Take it back and I will," he said as his lips slightly encroached on hers.

"Touch me Elliot," she told him and his head began to spin.

What the hell did she say? Touch her? She wanted him to touch her? He could barely breathe.

"Touch me," she repeated, "and I'll limit your chances greatly of having anymore children," she said, finishing the sentence before he could respond.

His eyebrows drew together in confusion. He shook his head at her slightly. Between the beer and her cryptic messaging he was losing it.

"You want me off you so badly Olivia, then why don't you act like it." He was almost taunting her.

Her head fell back against the door softly and he took her in. She looked tired and lazy. She was all talk, standing there practically inviting him in. She closed her eyes and like a switch was flicked somewhere it was as if she had given him a free pass to take her in without her knowing.

His eyes trailed down the softness of her neck, he'd give anything to just lean in and kiss the skin there. They slid down her body further until they hit her breasts that were crushed against his chest. She was breathing hard and with each breath he could feel her move into him. He lifted up his lowered head to find Olivia's deep brown eyes open now and staring. If he had time to blush he would have but he needed to taste those lips and she wasn't making any motions to move. He took that as an invitation.

His lips dipped forward and sought out hers.

They grazed hers just as she twisted away from him. He looked at the side of her face in bemusement. Before he had time to question her she pushed him hard in the chest. He stumbled back, his arms coming off the door and his chest releasing hers.

He wasn't sure what was happening but he was angry. Instinct took over and he grabbed her shoulders, pushing her against the door as if it were payback for pushing him. The door rattled under her pressure.

She was visibly shocked and moved into him hard and fast, trying to vent her anger by pushing him. He was ready for her this time and didn't stumble back from the force. He grabbed her upper arms and held her against the door and she struggled against him.

"What the hell are you doing?" he said in a breath, questioning her rash movements.

She didn't answer, instead she moved with fight as he held her against the door. She managed to twist to her side and without warning jammed her elbow firmly into his side.

He yelled out in pain and released her instantly. She moved quickly while he was wounded and pushed him hard into the edge of the couch. His stability was shot and he fell down like a tonne of bricks. He hit the coffee table on his pursuit of the floor and the beer bottles crashed over, rolling off and spilling onto him.

He noted quite quickly how much strength she had compared to last night. He wondered if she had been trying at all. He rolled to his side.

"Jesus Christ," he said moaning into the carpet. He felt warm beer running down his side and a deep bruise already forming on his shoulder where he'd hit the table.

She'd knocked the wind out of him.

"Get up," she said behind him, annoyance in her words. He sighed as he rolled onto his back to find her towering over her.

"Elliot, get up," she repeated sternly.

He pulled himself up letting the bottles of beer roll off him as if they weren't there.

He got to his feet and stepped towards her. He was just getting his breath back.

"So," he said almost whispering. "Finally Olivia makes an appearance."

He was shaking his head at her. "Where the hell were you last night?" he yelled out of frustration. His outburst echoing around the room.

She remained silent. She folded her arms in front of her and looked away.

He stood still, as did she. They were a couple of steps apart.

"Bet you could get to the gun now couldn't you," he said with sarcasm.

He watched her, just standing there. He was still reeling in disbelief that she so ruthlessly kicked the shit out of him. Why the hell didn't she do that last night? He had to find out.

"And you didn't even have to kiss me." He shook his head, taking a step closer.

She was eying him like he was the devil, her eyes begging him not to come any closer.

"Care to explain that?" Elliot questioned angrily. He was pissed as hell that she had it in her all along and she didn't use it.

The air between them was dry. She wasn't answering so he continued.

"Why'd you kiss me Olivia?" he asked her point blank. He needed to know.

She still wasn't responding. He didn't consider the heat in her cheeks and the searing look in her eyes, he didn't take it as her warning to back off.

"Why? When obviously you could have easily..." His words trailed off, the emotion was seeping through his anger, he was upset that she had screwed up everything for nothing.

He watched as all the seriousness she could muster gathered in her eyes.

"Tonight," she said beginning slowly, "you're drunk, and I caught you off guard." Her words caught in her throat slightly. He could tell she was nervous and uncomfortable.

"And last night," she said biting into her lip momentarily, "you were expecting that."

A few beats passed.

"I had to do the unexpected." She cleared up matter-of-factly.

"I don't believe you," he told her slowly. He was cutting her no slack.

Olivia sighed heavily. "I don't care what you believe Elliot." She looked as if she was done with this conversation and was just about ready to leave. He wouldn't let her.

He sucked in a breath debating whether or not to push the issue. The alcohol in his system spurred on his confidence.

"I think you kissed me because you wanted to," he said confidently, looking her directly in the eyes.

She bit into her lip once more and he tried to gauge her reaction. He knew it was a ballsy call to put out there but he knew he was right, whether or not she'd admit it was another thing. His heart was thumping a mile at just what her reaction would be.

"You arrogant son of a-"

He stepped forward cutting her off before she could finish. She was going with denial and he wasn't going to let her get away with it.

"It's not arrogance Olivia, you had a clean grab of that gun and you know it," he said with force. He was so close to her now and she wasn't backing away.

"I wanted to be sure," she said softly.

She had a weak case and he knew it. She'd looked directly at the damn gun as he lay there on the couch, powerless to stop her after she pushed him onto his back.

"Admit it Olivia." He attempted to close the distance between them, careful not to touch her. Finally she took a step back and he watched her, anxiety in her eyes. It wasn't like her to back away. He stepped forward once more and she tried to back up only this time her body came into contact with the kitchen counter.

Elliot used this to his advantage, getting as close as physically possible without actually touching her. The rise and fall of their chests were dangerously close. He was completely disregarding her will for personal space.

"I'm leaving." Her voice was controlled but he could see the hesitation in her eyes.

"Fine," he said with acceptance. "Right after you admit it." He made no movements.

She was losing patience. He could see her jaw clenching with frustration. She exhaled with effort.

A few beats passed and he changed gears.

"Just tell me Liv," he said softly dropping his cocky attitude for the moment. "Please I need to know." He was getting desperate and needed an answer. His eyes searched hers for some semblance of empathy.

She watched him and just shook her head. She wasn't going to give him anything he soon realised. His face filled with defeat before she slid out from his capture and headed for the door. Just as she reached the door he called out to her.

"So that's it?" he asked as a last resort.

Her hand stilled on the doorknob.

He was silently begging her to give him something before she left. Anything.

She let her head fall forward against the closed door, he was apprehensive and wasn't sure whether or not to go over to her or to remain where he was. Fear meant he went for the latter.

"Elliot," she said, his name muffled by the wood of the door.

He wasn't sure if he should answer, or if his name was even a question.

"Do you still want to be my partner?" she said softly.

Despite her words being muffled he could still hear the fear within them.

He couldn't look at her as just his partner anymore, not after he'd felt her against him.

He also couldn't imagine working without her, not being there to protect her everyday. He didn't want anyone else having his back but her.

He gave into defeat.

"Yes," he said finally and knew he'd just confirmed the future for them.

She was still against the door but somehow she managed to lift her head off. She turned the knob and spoke softly.

"Then that's it," she said quietly, shutting the door behind her.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks heaps for the reviews guys, this was my first story (started it years ago but never posted) so I apologise for any mistakes/typos and out of character scenarios that may arise. I feel I have a better grasp on things when writing Sin but alas glad you're enjoying this one too! ElandLiv12123 this update is for you so you can camp happy ; )

**Chapter 3**

Elliot was suspended for a week.

A week.

There are 52 of them a year. Considering how long a year is, once divided into weeks they go past relatively quick. Monday begins and before you know it, it's Sunday night and you are getting ready for it to start all over again.

This however was not a week. It was a fucking century.

The desk across from hers had been empty since last Thursday and today was Wednesday.

One more day. Things were looking up, only a seventh of a century to go.

She hadn't heard from him since that night at his apartment and she just had to wait it out. In theory that was a good thing, it was their cooling off period but it was draining, the more time that passed the more anxious she felt about their partnership. Particularly since she was counting the moments since she last saw him like a damn Sinead O'Conner love song.

The case was a fitting distraction but the moment Olivia got home at night she could barely sleep a wink. This had to stop, she needed this week to finally be over, for her partner to return to work and for everything to be as it was.

She wanted a week to actually feel like a week.

"Liv."

She looked up from her desk and Munch was hovering.

"Drinks tonight to celebrate, you coming?"

They'd just cracked it big but that rewarding feeling of achievement was lost to her without her partner.

"Yeah," she said exhaling.

Anything to avoid going back to that empty apartment with her empty thoughts.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

"Liv, come on you should be happy, both of those pricks are due to appear in court in two weeks." Munch slid his beer towards her idle bottle and clinked it softly.

Olivia feigned a smile and nodded.

"And since we got Jacobs for a prior offence, Elliot's off the hook for screwing up," Fin added with a head nod.

She wanted to jump to Elliot's defence but she swallowed her words and picked at the label on her beer instead.

"When's he back anyway?" Fin asked casually.

He obviously hadn't been counting it down every spare moment of every day for the past 6 days. She refrained from answering his question.

"Tomorrow," Munch interjected. "Although I hear he may not be coming back until next week."

Her fingers stilled on the bottle. She was done holding back.

"Why?" Her voice cracked a little. "We nailed Jacobs so his suspension should be lifted not extended," Olivia said with a little too much defence.

That got Munch's attention.

"It wasn't Cragen. Elliot requested some extra vacation time."

Olivia chewed on her lip. She wasn't lasting another century. She was going to break down his door and confront the son of a bitch before she lasted another week.

Munch gave her a strange look.

"Why would he want _more_ time off?" she asked as if the mere thought was insane.

Munch shrugged. "He said something about Miami."

Olivia tensed.

Elliot never took vacations. The last vacation he took was with his family and that was years ago. He and Kathy had been separated for at least 6 months, it didn't make sense.

Then as if Munch had read her mind he sealed the moment for her.

"He said he was going with Kathy and the kids."

She could barely breathe.

The fucking smug bastard had just taken off and left her here to mull in the mess they'd made alone. Her short fingernails dug into the leather seat beneath her. She couldn't believe after what had happened between them the other night, the insane detour in their relationship, that he was now playing house with Kathy and the kids.

She wanted to get up, leave right then and there but her legs wouldn't work. It would be too obvious if she left now.

"Good, I think he needs a holiday," Fin conceded, reaching for the bowl of nuts on the table. "We all do."

He needed a slap in the face that's what he needed.

She wanted to move and decided to take her lukewarm beer as an excuse. As she made motions to stand up she was stopped in her tracks.

"Elliot," Fin called out in surprise.

Olivia looked up and there he was, standing by their booth with a fresh face and subtle tan.

"Cragen told me the good news." Elliot explained his presence.

He didn't make eye contact with her.

"What happened to Miami?" Fin asked the question on all of their minds.

"We had to cut the trip short, Lizzie got bronchitis."

"Tough break," Fin sympathised.

Elliot was hovering next to their circular booth. There was more space on Olivia's side and Munch was looking at her strangely, wondering why she wasn't budging.

She prayed he would try Fin's side instead but he was already making movements to sit next to her. Reluctantly she slid further into the booth as he sat down.

"She's ok now, we just didn't want to hang around where we weren't near our local doctor. Plus a week was enough for us all I think. Kathleen wanted to get back to her boyfriend." Elliot rolled his eyes.

Olivia played with her top lip, he had been gone this whole time and here she thought he was sitting in his apartment banging his head against the wall.

"That's what you get for having girls," Munch said with a shrug.

"Alright what can I get you?" Fin started to get up ready to take Elliot's order.

"A beer would be great," Elliot said as if he'd been working a 70 hour week.

"Same," Munch agreed.

"Sure, Liv?" Fin asked her and she simply shook her head.

"Come on you've been nursing that thing for hours," Fin pressed.

"Fine." She gave in, not wanting to fight it. Maybe drinking alcohol wasn't such a bad idea right now.

"Ok four beers coming up," Fin concluded about to turn.

"Can you make my beer a double scotch and coke?" she asked casually, stopping Fin in his tracks.

She could sense the surprise at the table.

"Ah sure Liv." Fin cleared his throat.

"I'll help," Munch offered, sliding out of the booth.

Olivia bit into her lip again, she had spent days counting down Elliot's return but now that it was here suddenly she didn't want to be left alone with him. Munch and Fin disappeared through the crowd and Elliot was looking in their direction.

The air between them was thick. She wanted to get away, excuse herself to the bathroom perhaps, anything to remove herself from this uncomfortable silence.

He shifted beside her and she could have sworn he'd moved closer. She could practically feel the heat radiating off his thigh inches from hers. The leather upholstery rippled with his movement and she held her breath.

"You ok?" he asked her quietly as if he didn't want anyone to hear.

A week apart and this is what he asks her.

Her eyebrows came together in confusion.

"I'm fine," she said defensively.

He nodded, she suspected. She wasn't sure, she wasn't looking at him. When he didn't continue she spoke.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged and reached across to the nut bowl, taking a handful. She could hear the nuts crunching between his teeth and she let out a frustrated sigh.

Where was that drink? She had gone from not needing one, to it becoming extremely necessary.

The silence continued and she was getting restless. She reached forward and slid her beer towards her, just so she had something between her hands.

Elliot leaned back into the booth.

She started to pick at the label on the beer, purposefully pulling at each corner until it ripped to the under sheet of white. She could feel his eyes on her hands.

"Liv." His voice was low and almost soothing.

Her hands didn't react to his voice, she kept fidgeting. She didn't want to hear what he had to say. She didn't want to acknowledge anything from their recent past.

The night she was undercover.

That night at his apartment.

His week basking in the sun at the beach…. sleeping with his wife.

"I'm sorry."

He'd said the words so softly she'd wondered if she'd just imagined it. She was rolling the discarded label pieces into a ball still staring at the table. She could feel his eyes on the side of her face. She tried not to blink.

Sorry for what? That night? Their confrontation? Or leaving her alone in this mess to screw his wife? He needed to be more specific. Then as if he was reading her mind, he answered her.

"I was a jerk the other night," he admitted.

"Don't." She stoped him immediately.

"Don't what?" He was immediately defensive.

She rubbed a hand over her face and finally turned to look him in the eyes.

"I don't want to talk about this."

He locked her eyes in place with his. "So you aren't ok then," he concluded.

She shook her head in disbelief. "Elliot I said I'm fine, I just don't want to discuss this anymore ok."

His getaway with Kathy and the kids had erased any doubt or hesitation she might have had.

She watched him breathe in deeply, an effort for control.

Olivia's line of sight moved off his eyes and over his shoulder. She could see Fin and Munch were headed back to the table with their drinks. Elliot's mouth opened to say something and then closed again when he realised the reason for her distraction.

"Ok one beer and one double scotch and coke," Fin announced, sliding the beverages towards them.

"Thanks," Olivia said grasping her drink.

As the tables began to clink their bottles Olivia began draining her beverage through the straw. By the time Munch held out his beer bottle to clink with her glass he realised her beverage had reduced to a pile of ice.

She took in the table's surprised expressions and realised she probably should have been more discrete with her sudden need for alcohol.

"Thirsty?" Fin questioned.

She ignored the judgement and instead slid her beer bottle towards her and continued to pick at the remains of the white label.

Munch noticed the accumulation of rolled up label scattered on the table. His eyebrows furrowed with concern before his lips turned into a small smile.

"You know, they say that's a sign of sexual frustration."

Her hand stilled on the bottle. Her eyes moved up to capture Munch's questioning gaze.

She was fuming. It had just been an off the hand remark but it was the last thing she needed to hear with Elliot sitting mere inches away, their thighs almost touching.

She felt him shift beside her but didn't dare look in his direction, he was probably loving this. She slid the beer bottle away.

"I'm getting another drink," she announced, standing up abruptly indicating for Elliot to move out of her path.

He didn't.

She finally made eye contact and shot him a look as if to say move now or I'll make you move. He took her hint and stood up, clearing his throat. He looked as if he was trying his best not to comment on her need for another beverage so soon.

"Liv-"

She heard Munch begin but was into the crowd and at the bar within moments.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

"What can I get for you for Ms Benson?" said Jack, their local bar tender, in his rough voice.

Olivia pondered, remembering the shots she had consumed undercover. She knew it was bad taste but she didn't want to be thinking clearly anymore.

"Three quick fucks," she said abruptly knowing that a bit of profanity wouldn't shock this man.

"Holy duly, you're going all out tonight aren't you. I'll see if I can rustle up three handsome men for you," he said with a wink.

She gave him the hint of a smile as he began pouring. Her eyes flicked to the mirrored wall of the bar to subtly gauge if she had any witnesses. She was thankful to catch the guys all deep in conversation.

As Jack was pouring the third, she downed the first shot quickly as if she were ashamed to be seen with three. Immediately the milky liquid streaming down her throat brought back a whole night full of memories.

She took a breath and downed the next shot and it went down a little easier. As she reached for the third she felt a presence behind her, she prayed it wasn't Elliot. She closed her eyes, she couldn't deal with his judgement right now.

"Whoa you better slow down there."

It wasn't Elliot's voice, or his face as she turned to see who was interrupting her. He was a handsome man she'd never noticed before in this bar in which they frequented often. She gave him a half smile, not sure if she wanted this sudden company.

She didn't let his comment sway her and threw back the last shot, squinting at the taste and letting out a sigh as she swallowed.

"Rough night?" he asked with concern.

She just nodded.

"Well how about I join you?"

Before Olivia could object he directed his attention to Jack.

"Good man, I'll have what the ladies having."

"Coming right up," Jack said with slight hesitation.

"So what _are_ you having?" he asked her figuring he'd better prepare himself.

She turned to face him, stealing a glance over his shoulder at Elliot who was now looking in their direction. Her eyes quickly returned to the man in front of her.

"Quick fucks," she said a little too roughly, not caring what he thought of her.

"Wow, sounds intense." The surprise was evident in his face.

"See for yourself." She motioned to the three shots Jack had laid out.

"Whoa, I thought I was only ordering one, but ok."

He took the first shot glass and with slight apprehension he drank it slowly, almost sipping it. He squinted as he swallowed and then placed the empty glass on the bar.

"Wow," he said a little stunned. "That is… gross."

Her face broke out into a smile at his honesty. Most men would have pretended it was easy just to impress her.

"You had three of these?" he questioned bewildered.

She picked up one of his shots, tipped it back effortlessly and answered his question as the empty glass hit the table.

"Four."

He watched her curiously as she licked the remaining residue off her finger, eyeing the last full shot.

"I'm not going to let you leave here unconscious," he told her sliding the last shot towards him.

"I thought you didn't like it," she said with a smile, looking hopeful.

"I don't," he admitted. "I think I'll give it back to Jack."

He began to slide it towards the bar tender. Olivia reached out and touched his forearm gently, stopping him midway. She felt him tense beneath her touch, his forearm was firm and muscular and reminded her of Elliot's. She wondered if Elliot was still looking at them.

"Jack doesn't give refunds," she told him matter-of-factly.

He nodded slowly and a few beats passed before he gave in.

"Alright, but let the record state, I tried to stop you," he said with a soft smile.

Her eyes thanked him as he slid the glass in her direction. She drank the last shot slower and let the liquid slide down her throat. It didn't burn anymore, it was almost pleasant. She put the glass down and he was shaking his head at her in amazement.

"Ok it's official, I'm cutting you off now," he told her with a smile.

He then shocked her by intertwining his hand in hers and leading her away from the bar. Her normal reaction would have been to pull away from him immediately but the shots had softened her defences and there was something oddly endearing about him.

She was about to ask where they were going when he stopped in front of a booth and held out his other hand, a gesture for her to sit. She managed to get a hold of herself now that she was stationary and slowly took her hand out of his grasp.

She opened her mouth, intent on questioning his forward nature when he cut her off.

"Brad," he said with a smile.

Olivia's eyebrows came together in confusion.

"Brad's my name," he confirmed, noticeably amused by her reaction.

His name matched his looks, he was handsome and built from what she could gauge and had a sweet gentleman like nature about him. It made her uneasy.

"I didn't ask," she told him flatly, a little unsure at the lack of control she was having.

"Well it's polite to introduce yourself," he told her simply.

She mulled on his statement trying to figure out which way she should take it.

"You're a strange one," she said shaking her head and moving to take a seat.

"Wait," he said catching her elbow before she sat down.

Her eyebrows rose in question.

"It's polite to introduce yourself," he repeated with the makings of a cheeky smile.

She bit into her lip to stop from smiling. She was getting chills from his hand on her arm and was drawn to the contact. A physical distraction from anything Elliot, or maybe it was the shots.

She was faltering, this wasn't her and she needed to get a hold of herself. She moved then to take a seat at the booth and his grasp fell away. He just stood there.

She scratched her cheek and looked up at him impatiently.

"Well?" she questioned.

He just watched her with that cheeky grin and shrugged. She closed her eyes in frustration, giving in.

"Fine, it's Olivia, will you just sit down."

His face enveloped into hearty smile.

"Olivia," he repeated the name. "Pretty," he determined.

He took the seat opposite her in the booth and a few moments passed before he spoke.

"So what do you do Olivia?" he asked with an honest sense of interest.

Immediately her demeanour dropped and she sighed looking away.

"Can we skip that question please?"

"What? Why?" He looked caught off guard perhaps assuming he'd be safe with a surface question.

"Next question please," she pushed with a look.

"Ok, do you come here often?" he asked with a cheeky eyebrow raise.

That brought a smile to her face and Olivia laughed.

"Oh boy do you suck at this." She began picking at the edge of the table just to give her hands something to do.

"Hey go easy on me, I'm not good at this." He looked slightly self-conscious which was out of place.

She didn't buy it. "Well I'm sure you've had lot of experience."

His eyebrows furrowed at her statement. "What do you mean?"

"Come on, you've obviously had the ladies lining up." She lent back against the booth and she swore he almost blushed.

"Well I'd say the same about you."

He'd hit the ball back into her court and she rolled her eyes.

"Well I've had my fair of female attention." She raised her hand in surrender.

She watched as he laughed at her joke. There was something so innocent about him and wondered what his deal was. A part of her wanted to find out. She crossed her legs under the bench getting comfortable.

"So what do _you_ do Brad?" she asked, suddenly curious.

He shook his head. "That's not fair, you didn't tell me what you do."

She rolled her eyes. "What is this pre school? Just tell me," she pushed.

Her fingers returned to the edge of the table. She thought about getting another drink, if anything just to have something to occupy her fidgeting hands.

"Ladies first."

He made it clear he wasn't going to budge but something stirred inside her, she wasn't ready to scare this guy off just yet. He was a brilliant distraction from Elliot.

She sucked in a breath.

"I'm going to get another drink, want one?" she asked standing up. She knew it was a copout but she wasn't giving into his question so soon.

He looked up at her with an air of judgement.

"Are you that ashamed of what you do?"

His statement jarred her and she stopped in her tracks.

"I'm not ashamed," she stabbed back immediately defensive. "I just don't feel the need to discuss my entire life story with some guy I just met."

The words rushed out before she had a chance to sugar coat them. Forget her job description, she probably just scared him off with her personality.

He raised his eyebrows in a little bit of shock.

"It's your occupation, not your social security number."

She bit into her lip. This is what it had come to, she was fighting with a complete stranger.

_Better him than with Elliot._

He cleared his throat feeling a little awkward at their silence.

"Listen I'm sorry, let me get the drinks," he offered, attempting to slide out of the booth.

"No, I'll go." She wasn't one to accept favours.

"Well at least let me cover them," he said starting to pull his wallet out of his pocket.

"No I got it, what do you want?" she said with an air of urgency.

"A rum and coke please," he said uneasily, perhaps at the thought of her paying.

She made her way to the bar. The logical thing would have been to order a glass of water at this point but she was craving another shot. They were addictive as hell and each time she downed one, things became a little bit easier to bear.

She noticed the music appeared to have risen in volume as she practically had to shout her order to Jack.

"Three QFs and a rum and coke please."

Had she just ordered three? It came out without consideration, she was so used to ordering them in threes.

"Coming up," he said in a less than usual cheery voice and she sensed the judgement.

She chewed on the inside of her lip.

As he began to pour the shots she felt a presence behind her. She turned, angry that Brad couldn't leave her alone for a second and was met with Elliot's less than impressed face.

"Hey," she said a little caught off guard. She hadn't been prepared with a more appropriate response.

Elliot moved in close enough so that she could hear him over the music and grasped her upper arm softly.

"What are you doing?" His words were brash.

Brad's touch paled in comparison to Elliot's hand on her right now. She couldn't concentrate on the question, just his body that was intoxicatingly close.

"I'm having a good time." She wasn't sure if he'd heard her over the music, she hadn't yelled over it like he had.

"You've had way too much to drink." His head had bowed down so she could hear and the grip on her arm wasn't getting any looser.

He'd been watching her, counting her drinks and the thought made her head spin.

Ordinarily she would have pulled herself from his man handling vice and given him gutful on his overprotective crap but she didn't want to move.

Instead Olivia lent in.

"I think Jack can be the decider of that."

She pulled back and gave him a look to let him know he was crossing a line but he didn't take the hint.

He leant in again, his nose actually brushing her cheek this time and her heart rate accelerated.

"I'm taking you home." His voice was gravely.

The words cut into her. Jesus Christ she wanted him to take her home. She wanted any excuse to touch him at this rate but she had none. His hand was on her arm, her hand was steadying herself on the bar and the drinks she'd ordered was sitting there ready. Reality had set in.

"No, I'm fine," she said moving away from him and his hand finally fell from her upper arm.

She slid a 50 across to Jack and picked up one of the shots that had been waiting for her. She felt Elliot's eyes on her profile but she downed the shot without turning. She didn't want to face his judgement, she'd already had Brad and Jack's tonight.

The tension between them was thick and as she drew the second shot towards her she finally got the neve to look him in the eye.

He was watching her, a warning lining his face. It was as if he was trying to stop her from drinking it without having to ask.

She ignored it.

"Want one?" she offered. She didn't want to be greedy.

He shook his head at her, more out of anger than a reply.

She brought the glass to her lips and drank it slowly. She could sense the anger radiating from Elliot and felt as if it were the calm before the storm. She replaced the glass, her head was spinning but she felt relaxed. She really didn't need the last shot but she reached for it anyway.

He was faster. For a moment she thought he was going to stop her but surprised her by taking the glass and drinking the contents in one quick scull. A part of her was shocked, the other part of her was thankful.

She watched as his face morphed into shock at the taste, the strength and the realisation that she'd had copious amounts of them. He put the glass on the bench and turned to say something to her but she wasn't going to wait around to hear it.

She picked up Brad's rum and in her hurried attempt to leave she bumped into the bar stool behind her.

Moments from losing her footing Elliot had moved in catching her. His hands wrapped around her midsection as he pulled her against the hard plains of his chest. Her backside fell into his crotch and in his haste he'd grabbed her just under her breasts. He held her in place until she steadied but didn't let go.

"You really need another example of why I should take you home?" he whispered angrily it into her ear.

His words lingered in her mind. She could think of many reasons why he should take her home and they all ended with him not leaving. She wouldn't be tempted.

She moved against him in an attempt to pull herself out of his grasp and he released her. She turned only marginally to face him.

"Stay out of my business Elliot." Miraculously she got the sentence out without slurring and began to walk away.

She didn't sense him follow her or try to stop her and she was thankful. Her dismissive comment had paid off.

When she returned to the booth she took in the spot opposite Brad where she'd been sitting and after quickly debating it in her head moved to the seat next to Brad.

She slid across leaving a less than generous space between them, she needed to get Elliot out of her head. She took a sip of the rum in her hand and Brad's eyebrows raised.

"Ah, that mine?" he asked confused.

She drained nearly a quarter of it and slid it across to him.

"Who was that guy?" Brad asked a little awkwardly.

She just shook her head, she didn't want to talk about it.

"He didn't look very happy," he noted.

She nodded at his observation and her brown eyes captured his.

"I'm a cop," she said abruptly and his eyes didn't falter. "Special Victims Unit," she continued, waiting for some kind of reaction.

He gave her nothing. She broke the eye contact and studied the water trail the glass had left on the table.

"That was my partner," she said with a sigh.

She could sense him nodding.

"So we both help people then." 

She looked over in surprise and waited for him to fill in the blanks.

"I'm a doctor," he confirmed.

Now she wanted to laugh. Bradley with the sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, a body to die for, caring personality and now he is a doctor. He was a walking cliché.

"Good for you," she said genuinely.

He took a sip of his rum and watched her intently.

"You don't look like a cop," he said slowly.

"Really," she questioned her thigh accidentally bumping his.

A few beats passed.

"I can see why your partner has a hard time working with you," he said quietly as his eyes drifted down to her lips.

She looked away awkwardly.

"Ah it's not like that," she rebutted quickly, so used to denying it.

"I'm not blind Olivia," he said with strange sincerity as if he knew her.

She reached out and grasped the rum he was barely touching and took a long sip. It was a new flavour, bringing on a whole new wave of anaesthetic.

"He wants you."

Shivers flickered through her body. She didn't want to think about Elliot, she'd spent a week thinking about Elliot, his lips, his hands, his body. It was enough.

"Kiss me," he said quietly.

Her eyebrows rose and she turned to him as if she hadn't heard right.

"I'm sorry?" She smiled.

"Kiss me," he repeated. "I want to see what he does."

She laughed at the absurdity.

"You're insane." She let her head fall back against the booth wall and she closed her eyes.

"Aren't you curious?" Brad pushed.

"No at all," she lied.

The thought of what Elliot might do consumed her.

When she opened her eyes again Brad was close and as his blue eyes captured hers she moved up and pressed her lips against his.

His hand came up to frame her cheek as she deepened the kiss, pulling his bottom lip between hers. He was a soft kisser, innocent almost but she intensified it. She slid her tongue in to meet his and he moaned softly into her mouth.

A moment on clarity interrupted her thoughts and she quickly pulled away from the kiss.

_What the hell was she doing? _

She lent back into the leather of the booth and bit into her lip.

"I'm sorry," she said looking at the seat opposite her.

He cleared his throat. "For?"

She didn't have an answer and after spotting his beverage still sitting wastefully in front of him she couldn't resist. She grasped it and sculled the ruminants trying to block out what just happened, wondering if Elliot had just witnessed it.

The rum burned, a lot harsher than her shots. She let out a sigh as she put the glass of ice down and he eyed it.

"You know when you buy someone a drink the polite thing to do is let them drink it," he joked.

Suddenly she realised how rude she'd been, he'd barely had a sip.

"I'm sorry, I'll get you another one."

She stood up a little too quickly and the room spun. She could hear Brad objecting behind her but she was already on her way to the bar.

"A rum and coke please." She managed to get it out with only minimal slurring.

Jack watched her a little weary.

"Ah, your partner cut you off."

Her mouth nearly dropped. That son of a bitch. She'll kill him. She went to respond but stopped herself. Instead she turned to where he was sitting but could only spot Fin and Munch at the booth. That gutless bastard.

She wanted to fight it. She considered asking if it were even possible to cut another patron off and tell him the drink wasn't even for her but at that point she couldn't seem to produce the words let alone sentences.

Without another word she walked away and headed towards Brad, she felt unsteady on her feet and suddenly needed to sit down.

Brad noticed her empty hands.

"No luck?" he asked.

She just shook her head as she slid into the booth.

"Bartender cut you off?" he asked, as if he knew she would have been refused.

The room was still spinning now that she was seated and all of a sudden it was an effort answering him.

"My partner," she said without thinking.

He raised his eyebrows. "Your partner cut you off?"

She closed her eyes for just a second and when she opened them she noticed Elliot was standing at the head of their booth.

"Olivia, we're leaving," he told her.

No introductions, nothing.

She looked up at him. "Ok, bye."

"No _we_ are leaving." He indicated the two of them, annoyed at her complacency.

"I'm staying," she pressed.

A few beats passed.

When he didn't respond she let her fingers lazily trace the leftover condensation on the bench.

"I'll make sure she gets home safe," Brad interjected in an effort to break the awkward silence.

She knew he had meant it innocently but there would be fireworks.

"Thanks for that." Elliot words were laced in sarcasm. "But she's leaving with me."

His words punctured through her alcoholic daze. She should be fuming right now at his territorial behaviour but it was quickly getting to the point where her eyes were involuntarily closing and her head would not stop spinning. She could barely formulate more than monosyllables. Perhaps leaving was a good option.

She turned to Brad, gave him a sympathetic look started to make motions to leave.

"You don't have to go," Brad said with a laugh, surprised at her sudden compliance.

"Yes she does." Elliot piped in.

Elliot moved giving Olivia room to slide out of the booth. As she stood up, she realised that last drink hit her hard and she grasped the edge of the booth for stability.

"Wow he's got you on a short leash," Brad said shaking his head.

Olivia wanted to comment then, defend her actions and explain she wasn't leaving on his account, but the words seemed impossible to formulate.

She watched as Brad's eyes locked with Elliot's.

"Maybe you should spend more time at home with your wife instead of concerning yourself with Olivia's personal life."

Olivia's eyebrows rose at Brad's blatant accusation and Elliot turned to her in shock.

"What the hell did you tell this guy?"

She opened her mouth to respond but Brad did it for her.

"She didn't tell me anything, I can see your wedding ring a mile away." Brad bit back.

Elliot eyes narrowed in on him.

"Why don't you mind your own damn business, because you have no idea." She could see Elliot was getting frustrated by the second.

"Well I have some idea, I know you're married, and I know she's not," Brad told him nonchalantly.

The man had a death wish.

"I know that sleeping with your partner is not only an unethical but a fireable offence, not to mention in your case infidelity."

"Brad." She finally managed to find her voice in light of his brash assumption. He was about to get his face punched in if he wasn't careful.

Elliot was almost smiling in disbelief. "You sure know how to pick em Liv."

"Let's go," Olivia told him impatiently.

She needed to either sit or walk, standing there was making her dizzy.

"No, this is great, I want to hear more about how I'm fucking you on the side from a complete stranger," he said with sarcasm.

She shot Elliot a pissed off look all geared up to put him in his place when a pang of nausea hit her hard. She needed to get the hell out of there.

Without another word she started walking away from the both of them and wove her way through the crowds of people. She was unsteady on her feet and did her best to take it one step at a time.

She pulled open the door and was hit by the cold night, she shivered taking in rapid breaths. Walking to the kerb she stuck her hand out to a flurry of cabs, none of which pulled over. After the seventh cab with a light on passed by her at lightning speed she groaned loudly in frustration. She wanted so desperately to just get out of there.

There was a seat close by and she realised she would have to take it or she'd be on the sidewalk soon. Her head was spinning and the alcohol was churning. She took a seat telling herself it was just for a few minutes, just until she could gain some control. Her head fell forward into her hands and she closed her eyes.

"Liv."

She'd heard her name, almost echoing, but she couldn't lift herself up.

"Liv."

She heard it again and she moaned into her hands in response, still not looking up.

She felt someone's hands on her, pulling her up by the upper arm. She let them lift her and grabbed onto their shoulder for stability once she was upright. They'd somehow managed to flag a cab down and it was sitting there waiting for her to enter.

She couldn't yet form words, the cold air had knocked the wind out of her, she felt the hands urge her towards the cab. The door was open and she made her way uneasily into the warm cab and sunk into the leather seat. She was never moving again, this was bliss.

"Liv, slide over," Elliot's voice told her but she already had her eyes closed.

She wanted to tell him not to get in, that his apartment was in the complete opposite direction to where she lived and that he should go home. Then again, giving this cab driver any resemblance of direction to her house would take a miracle.

She did her best to slide across and barely made it into the middle seat. He slid in, their bodies bumping as he closed the door. He attempted to push her gently, prodding her to move over to the other window but she wouldn't budge.

He gave the cab driver directions to her house and as the car pulled away from the kerb her body involuntarily fell into his side. She reached out to hold something for stability and ended up grabbing Elliot's thigh.

Elliot gripped the car door.

As they straightened up he nudged her across to the other window seat and reached for the seatbelt. He was so close she could smell his aftershave and it made her eyes drift to a close. She felt him slide the belt across her body and felt his hand feeling around on the seat beside her.

"You're sitting on it," he said softly.

Sitting on what she wondered? She didn't respond.

She felt his hands make their way under her, skimming her backside briefly as he fished out the buckle. He clicked her belt into place and moved back over to his side with a deep exhale.

When she opened her eyes again she realised they were parked outside her apartment and he was opening her door.

As he held the door open he looked as if he were trying to figure out how he was going to get her upright. A few beats passed and he held his hand out for her.

She undid her seat belt and started moving out of the cab by herself, ignoring his outstretched hand. He looked pissed off that she wouldn't let him help her but moved aside to give her space regardless.

As she made her way out of the cab she lost her footing and hit the pavement. She'd fallen onto her hands and knees and felt the scrape of the gravel under her palms.

She heard him curse under his breath, shut the cab door and encircle her waist pulling her up to her feet.

He kept his arm firm around her waist and she felt his fingers against the skin of her abdomen as her sweater rode up slightly.

"I'm fine," she said resisting him and tried to move out of his hold.

"Like hell you are," Elliot griped.

She grasped his hand that was around her waist and pulled it off her. He let her go and she stumbled only marginally before she regained her bearings and made her way towards her stoop. She heard the cab drove off behind them and wondered how he was going to get home.

She made it up the stoop steps with quite an effort and once she reached the top she pressed her back against the wall. Her eyes drifted shut to stop the spinning.

She heard he was close and could sense he was standing in front of her but she couldn't open her eyes, they were too heavy.

"Keys?" he asked her, his voice soft.

She could smell his cologne again and she didn't answer.

Her breath caught when she felt his hand move into the front pocket of her jeans in search of her keys. She smiled inwardly at the knowledge that all he'd be finding was loose change from the bar.

"Back," she managed to say, her eyes still closed.

A few beats passed.

She knew she'd barely made sense but he must have understood her because he was sliding his hand into her back pocket.

She opened her eyes then, as if she didn't want to miss out. She saw the side of his neck and the hand he'd put up to steady himself against the wall while he went for her keys. She swallowed, he was so close.

As he pulled out the keys he caught her eye contact and stepped backward uneasily as if he'd been caught in the act. He then opened the door and held it ajar, his eyes trained on the lobby. She knew what this meant, he was going to make her do this alone. He'd realised she wasn't as comatose as he thought.

She studied the side of his face, he looked worried, angry and tired all mixed in together. She sighed and it took everything in her to push herself off the wall, she needed some adrenaline to hit right now so she could make the hike up the stairs.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

He waited until she was a few steps inside before he followed her into the lobby. He watched as she took it one step at a time. It was like watching Bambi learning to walk, slow and full of concentration.

He was not going to touch her again but he was going to ensure he was one step behind her just in case. He'd touched her way too much tonight, unnecessary touching that would only keep him up at night. He'd just spent a week trying to get her out of his head and the moment he was back he'd been all over her.

As Olivia continued her ascent towards her apartment he realised he could train his hands but he couldn't train his eyes. They had landed on her backside that looked incredible in jeans and there was nothing he could do to snap out of it. He'd touched her ass more times that he'd looked her in the eye recently and it made him feel like shit. She'd just made him touch it again to get the keys out and he'd fallen for it.

Like he said, pure sin.

The lines this woman was crossing with him were immoral. She had to know how hard this was for him and yet she proceeded to flaunt herself, flirt with strangers and get blind drunk. What the hell had gotten into her? Was this her version of dealing with this?

His was to flee to Miami.

They'd made it to the second flight of stairs when she lost her footing and tripped on the first step, falling into the stairs above. Her hands came out to prevent herself from hitting them face first.

He rubbed a hand over his face, he was angry, over it and there was no way he was touching her again. He was just going to stand there and wait for her to pick herself up. He watched as she somehow managed to push herself off the stairs with a moan and she was up again only now he realised she was tipping backwards.

He moved quickly so his body broke her fall and her back hit his chest. He grabbed the banister to stop them from falling backwards and his knee came up to steady her on the step. That's when her ass slipped squarely into his crotch. He closed his eyes.

"You ok?" he asked catching his breath.

His arm was wrapped around her torso and she was slipping against him slightly. He tried to hold her firmly but the further she slipped down the higher his hand rose.

"Yeah," she mumbled her response, yet she was just leaning against him, not making any effort to stand on her own. She slipped a little further and his hand now cupped the underside of her breast.

"Jesus Liv, stand up," he said snapping, this was getting to him and he was flustered.

When she didn't help him out, he turned her around in one quick movement, dipped his body and pulled her over his shoulder. He tried not to think about her body or the fact that he was holding her upper thighs in place.

He climbed the final flight of stairs and as he reached her door he pulled her forward and stumbled a little. He used the door to break their fall and it rattled beneath their weight as his chest pushed her against it.

Jesus.

His breathing was erratic and her face looked flushed from the gravity. Her sweater rose with the movement and again found his hands on the bare skin of her waist.

A few moments ticked over as she appeared to be getting hold of her bearings and suddenly she was pushing him off her. He took a step back and she managed to stay upright. He watched her pull her sweater down, not looking at him.

"Do you have my keys?"

She looked irritated and tired and he was thrown by her attitude change. All of a sudden she was conscious. Reluctantly he pulled the keys from his pocket, handed them to her and watched as she opened the door.

She paused only briefly before she mumbled thanks, entered her apartment and closed the door behind her. He held his breath in surprise. He heard the click of her lock from the inside and his anger rose.

What he hell?

He took a moment to assess the situation. He tried the knock first and the door rattled beneath his fist.

"Go home Elliot." He heard her voice muffled through the door. He'd expected her to be in her bed right now or passed out on the couch but she was right there on the other side of the door.

"Liv, what the hell?" he asked still dumbfounded.

Despite knowing it was locked he tried the handle.

"Open the door Liv," he called out through the door a little softer this time.

There was no answer and he couldn't hear any movement. He couldn't leave it like that, she'd snapped in a matter of moments and for no apparent reason. He had questions and he needed answers.

He knew it was crossing a huge line but he had her key in his pocket. That spare key that was only for emergencies. He sucked in a breath and pulled it out, telling himself it was for the best. He inserted the key and quickly opened it not wanting to give her time to get to her door first.

He walked into her apartment and she was just standing there adjacent to the kitchen with her arms crossed, disbelief lining her face. He shut the door behind him and walked towards her.

She walked up to meet him half way.

"What do you think you're doing?" There was a seriousness behind her eyes.

"What's going on?" he said with confusion.

"Elliot, you've done your duty, you got me home safely, now go," she said through gritted teeth.

His heart was thumping, the tension was high. She went from nearly passing out on the staircase to firing out the sentences in rapid succession. When he didn't move she stepped forward and snatched the keys from his hand.

"An unforseen or critical occurrence requiring immediate attention," she told him as she searched for her key on the chain.

He looked at her baffled.

"Just defining an emergency for you," she said sarcastically.

She tried to twist off her key but it was proving to be difficult. The key ring was old and stubborn, a present Maureen gave him when she was younger. He stepped forward and reached for the keys.

"Let me help."

She moved them away.

"No Elliot," she snapped.

"Despite what you think I don't need your help. I don't need you to help me with the key. I don't need you to cut me off at the bar. I don't need you to drag me away from some guy I just met. I don't need you to break protocol for me. I - don't - need - you - Elliot." She finished it off with a yell.

He was angry now, fuming.

Somehow in her rant she had managed to get her key from the ring and had tossed it onto the table. She threw the bunch back at him and he caught it just before it hit him in the chest.

"Now get out," she finished.

That was the last straw.

"Fine Olivia, next time I'll leave you there to drink yourself into a coma so you can fuck some random guy."

He felt his fists clench at the thought.

"Great," she exhaled and turned walking into her kitchen.

He wasn't impressed with her carefree attitude on the subject, she worked fucking sex crimes for god sakes. She knew the risks. He followed her into the kitchen and asked her the question he had been mulling over since he saw the bastard.

"So you would have then?" He said it to her back as she reached for a glass from the cabinet.

"Would have what Elliot?" she asked with a sigh.

"Would have fucked him?" he said slowly still to her back because he was too piss weak to say it to her face.

She didn't answer him, he'd assumed she was filling up her glass with water but she was opening the cupboard. He watched as she reached up the back and pulled out a dark bottle.

"As much as you seem to think it is, that's none of your business." She began to tear at the sealed lid.

He moved in quickly and grabbed the bottle from her grasp.

"Are you kidding me with this?" He studied the bottle and upon closer inspection noted it was single malt whisky.

"Don't you think you've done enough damage? What the hell is wrong with you?"

She cleared her throat and her eyes pierced through him like daggers.

He took a breath waiting for her to answer him, the silver lining was that it was still sealed and looked as if it was gathering dust. It was probably a present from someone who didn't know her very well. It didn't matter, she wasn't drinking it.

"You passed out in that cab Olivia," he told her as if it were news to her.

"Call it a second wind." She shrugged.

She eyed the bottle in his hand and began to step towards him. As she got closer he drew the bottle behind his back but she had no hesitation invading his personal space in her pursuit. She was so close he'd backed up against the kitchen bench and her hip pressed into his crotch as she reached for it.

"Give it to me," she said with an air of annoyance but her words made his mouth dry.

Why the hell didn't he just leave before? Why did he have to push it? She was not going to make this easy for him. She reached further for the bottle, her breasts pushing into his chest, he could feel her breath on his neck.

"Now Elliot," she groaned in frustration.

His grip on the bottle came off, there was no way he was going to endure this over a bottle of whisky. He slid out from under her capture leaving the bottle up for grabs. That performance was a low blow and she wasn't playing fair. He needed to get out of there and get some fresh air.

She pealed the plastic off the cap completely unfazed or remorseful and unscrewed the lid, he just watched her beyond belief.

"Don't," he said softly.

The words were a command but it came out as a plea.

She ignored him and reached for the empty glass but he beat her too it, seizing it from the bench and holding it captive. She smiled and trumped him by bringing the bottle to her lips and taking a swig. He watched her eyes close as the liquid ran down the back of her throat.

What the hell did she think she doing? She was acting like one of his out of control teenage daughters. He had an overwhelming urge to pull that bottle from her lips but knew it would do no good. He needed to talk her down with words.

The statement ticked over in his mind and then he just said it.

"I don't need an answer, I already know you would have fucked him," he said simply.

She looked stunned at the sudden subject return and his brazen assumption. She narrowed her eyes at him lowering the bottle to the bench.

"Really and why would you think that?"

It was working so far, that bottle hadn't made it back to her lips.

"To get it out of your system," he said slowly.

A few beats passed before he continued.

"To get _me_ out of your system," he clarified.

She laughed then and shook her head, sporting a smile of disbelief.

"You cocky son of a bitch." She took a few steps towards him and she looked like she was ready to play hardball.

"So is that what you were doing in Miami El, getting me out of _your_ system?" 

He narrowed his eyes in confusion unsure of what she was referring to. She folded her arms in front of her and it hit him, how it would have looked being on vacation with his family.

He rubbed a hand over his face.

"Liv, I didn't sleep with Kathy," he sighed.

She gave him a look like she wasn't born yesterday.

"Sleeping with your wife isn't a crime Elliot-" 

"We're separated," he cut her off.

She scoffed as if she'd heard that before and her eyes purposefully moved down to his hand that still sported the gold band. She shook her head and looked away.

He needed her to believe there was nothing going on but he was too late, she had already picked up the bottle and drew it to her lips. His fists clenched and he felt the anger seep through his body as the liquid ran down her throat.

"You think that's helping?" he said through gritted teeth.

"It _is_ helping Elliot." She took another swig.

A few beats passed and the words left his mouth.

"Just like it helped your mother," he whispered.

She lowered the bottle to the bench registering his comment. Her eyes blinked at him.

Once. Twice.

The words weren't supposed to come out, they were just in his head but somehow they slipped through. She'd pushed him too far.

He saw the light go out in her.

"Get out," she whispered.

He would give anything to take it back, to retract the statement but it was too late.

He stepped forward. "Liv, I didn't-"

She reared back and held her hands out to stop him from coming any closer.

"Don't." Anger punctuated the word.

"I'm sorry," he whispered the apology.

She looked away and he could see the unshed tears skimming the surface. He was dying inside.

"Get out Elliot," she said defeated.

He rubbed his face. There was no way to fix this tonight.

With a feeling of helplessness he pulled his eyes from her shattered face and reluctantly walked away.

**TBC  
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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Her hands gripped the bowl of the toilet as she tried to steady her breathing. Her stomach contracted for what seemed like the tenth time and she vomited into the bowl.

_Just like it helped your mother._

Her hands were shaking, her eyes were watering and she was trying to figure out how on earth she was supposed to get herself to work. She had thrown up until there was nothing left to throw up, just slick yellow bile that burned the walls of her throat.

_Just like your mother._

Her eyes were fixated on the contents of the bowl. She heard her cell phone ring in the other room and she knew it work. She was already over 40 minutes late. Her stomach contracted once more as she emptied what had to be the last of her stomach contents.

_Just. Like. Your. Mother._

She fell onto the cold tiles clutching her stomach. She breathed in deeply, last night was a hazy blur. They'd solved a case, they'd gone out for drinks and now suddenly she was lying on her bathroom floor spewing her guts out. The only thing she could remember vividly were those bitter words from Elliot.

_You're just like your mother._

She clawed her way to an up right position still unsteady. She washed her face, rinsed out her mouth out and made her way back to her bedside table where her cell phone was. The missed call flashed at her. She picked it up and clicked on the option to return the call.

"Cragen." The voice on the other end rasped.

"Sorry Captain, I'm on my way." She lied. Her throat was horse from vomiting.

"Munch told me you wouldn't be well today." She picked up on the hint of judgement in his voice. Damn Munch.

"I'm fine." She lied again, somewhat uneasy. "I'll be there soon ok."

She clicked the phone off and headed to the shower, attempting to wash away a blurry night of chaos and a morning full of regrets.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

She was an hour and a half late. Considering her punctual past she knew it wouldn't be held against her. There was no time for extensive make up this morning just a little powder and flick of mascara. She had no energy to fight with her hair so she'd just thrown it into a messy ponytail.

Taking a seat at her desk she eyed her empty coffee mug. Just what she needed, if only she could pull herself up again. Elliot and Fin's desks were both bare and Munch was giving her a sympathetic smile from his desk.

He started to wander over to her. "How you feeling?" His voice was full of concern.

"Don't ask," she said more honestly than she had with Cragen.

He gave her a look and she remembered it was the same look she'd seen last night at the bar. Concern, judgement, suspicion.

"What's going on Liv?" he asked her softly.

She looked into her coffee mug, anything to avoid Munch reading her face.

"Nothing." She sighed.

"You really lost it last night." He looked at her with those piercing eyes.

"I don't want to know." She rubbed a hand over her face.

"You don't remember?"

_Just like it helped your mother._

She sucked in a breath, she remembered bits and pieces. She remembered enough to know it was a night she wanted to forget.

"I need coffee," she told him softly, suddenly willing to get up now if it meant getting out of this conversation. She just had to wait for her head to stop throbbing.

Munch reached out and grasped her coffee mug, he wasn't usually this sympathetic. Ordinarily he'd douse her with jokes and give her a hard time but he could see she wasn't in a good place.

As he walked over to fill up her mug she noticed with a pang of anxiety that Elliot had appeared in the corridor and was talking to Fin. She should be angry as hell at him but he was only speaking the truth, his truth, what he really thought of her.

_You're just like your mother. _

She felt the tiny pricks of distant tears prodding. She bit into her lip as she watched Elliot head towards his desk and her eyes followed his pursuit. He glanced at her for a second, her eyes stung at the contact and then he looked away. She felt uneasy at the notion that only Elliot had a clear recollection of last night.

Munch set her coffee mug down on her desk when Cragen came out of his office.

"We need to cover the laundromat on 39th Street, our suspect has been known to do his washing there on Friday's." His loud voice boomed through the office and he looked around assessing the body count. "Elliot, Liv, its crunch time."

Olivia sculled what she could from the coffee mug and the hot liquid burned her throat which was nothing compared to her retching efforts that morning. She stood up and her head spun a little, she steadied herself on the desk. Cragen took one look at her and reassessed his decision.

"Ok Fin, Munch you're on it." He changed his tune.

"What? No I'm fine." Her strained voice protested, she needed to prove that this wouldn't affect her work.

Cragen shook his head at her. "You look like hell."

It was only fair because she felt like hell. She was sporting a light blue hoodie and jeans, the kind of outfit she'd end up in after a 48 hour stint at the station.

"I'll go with Fin." Elliot piped in and her eyes shot to his.

"Elliot," she disputed in disbelief but he kept his gaze trained on Cragen.

"Honestly, captain I'm fine," she stressed with an assuring look.

"Ok." He gave in. "But get moving."

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

The thought of sitting in a car for a few hours was welcoming, it gave Olivia time to shake off the hangover. She had a steaming cup of takeaway coffee in her hand and the cool fresh air from the open window was slowly easing her stomach.

The thought however of sitting in a car for a few hours with Elliot was another thing. His eyes had been trained on the entrance to the laundromat for a good while now and she couldn't shake the tension between them.

She thought back to last night. The bar, Elliot's unexpected attendance, the drinks, copious amount of drinks. Miami. Kathy. She closed her eyes. Shots. Brad. Kissing Brad. Did Elliot see that?

"How are you feeling?" Elliot's words broke through her thoughts interrupting her onslaught of memories. They'd barely spoken this entire morning and she was caught off guard. She was expecting stony silence, or fireworks but not this.

She considered giving him her token 'I'm fine' response but knew he'd see right through it.

"Not my finest hour," she said softly. She wasn't looking in his direction but she could see out of her peripheral vision he hadn't reacted to her answer. She fingered the case file on her lap.

"I'm guessing last night wasn't either." She put the half statement, half question out there.

"You're guessing?" he queried with a little bit of surprise in his voice, or maybe it was sarcasm, she couldn't place it.

She swallowed a little, unsure if continuing down this path to discovery was the right thing to do. Did she even want to know?

She watched a middle age lady enter the laundromat. It was the first person they'd seen enter since they arrived. She didn't pay too much attention to her, their perp wasn't a woman. She realised Elliot was still waiting for her to continue.

"What do you remember?" His question caused her to squint.

_You're just like your mother._

She looked at her watch. They were only half an hour into their possible seven hour stint. There was only so much small talk she could bare. This conversation would have to happen eventually and it just beat out dead silence.

"Drinking too much." She gave him the easy answer. It was her get out of jail free card, erasing responsibility for consequences out of her control.

She felt him shift in his seat. She could sense he needed more than that, he needed more than just a half arsed excuse.

"Acting like.." her words trailed of, she didn't want to be admitting these things to him. She could barely admit them to herself.

"Like what?" He urged.

She watched the same lady exit the laundromat and head next door to the kebab shop. Laundry and lunch in one stop, that was convenient. She thought about the idea of eating a kebab right now and her stomach began to churn. She could sense Elliot getting frustrated with her silence.

"Like what Olivia?"

"Why don't you tell me Elliot?" she said matching his frustration, still not removing her eyes from the woman who had just been handed her kebab. Clearly he was aware of her actions last night and yet he was forcing her say it out loud.

"Acting like a complete idiot," he muttered under his breath. He didn't sugar coat it.

She wasn't going to bite. It was the truth after all, it was what she was going to say or at least words to that affect. Regardless, his words still stung. She took a sip from her coffee, the milk was starting to have the opposite effect. No longer soothing her stomach but rather creating nausea, or maybe it was Elliot's words.

She closed her eyes for a second, she was beyond tired. She'd woken up in the middle of the morning, her stomach churning within seconds. From then onwards she had been quite intimate with the toilet bowl. She needed to sleep this off, she'd almost wished Cragen had forced her to go home and then Fin would be the one sitting here watching this woman gorge herself on this kebab.

"What else?" Elliot wasn't giving up.

She noticed another woman enter the laundromat with a small bag of laundry. This woman was younger and slimmer, the kind that wouldn't be going next door for a kebab while she waited for her laundry, rather a visit to the gym down the street.

"What else do you remember?" he pushed still looking ahead. She turned to him then and watched the side of his face. His eyes squinted at the notion that she was looking directly at him but didn't turn. She knew what he was doing, he was trying to determine whether she remembered what he'd said to her.

_Just like your mother._

She fingered the edge of her case file, flicking the cardboard corner a couple of times. When she realised he wasn't going to accept her eye contact she turned her gaze back to the shop.

"I don't want to get into this," she told him with tiredness in her voice. Even if she had wanted to call him on it she was feeling more nauseous by the minute.

His mouth opened to say something but was cut short by his cell phone. He pulled it out of his jean pocket and answered it. She was thankful for the distraction.

"Stabler."

She heard who she assumed was Cragen on the line.

"Nothing yet, we've seen one woman enter," Elliot told him.

"Two," Olivia corrected and Elliot turned giving her a strange look.

"Will do," he finished the call abruptly and hung up.

She jumped slightly as he dropped his cell phone into the compartment containing scattered coins and some leftover napkins. The noise rattled through the car and they were back to silence again.

As time ticked on the silence between them had grown stale. No one remotely close to their suspect had entered, they were mainly women, some with children.

Olivia opened the file in her lap and studied the picture. She'd seen it before when they were initially briefed but she took this opportunity to really take him in. His eyes, his bone structure, his nose, his lips, his hair, his eyebrows, his ears, his skin, the small scar on the side of his chin.

She looked up and the middle aged kebab woman was leaving with her clean clothes in tow and the gym junky with the mid drift was loitering at the entrance. She turned to look at Elliot to see if he'd registered that that was the second woman she was referring to but his blue eyes just flicked to hers.

"What?" he said finally, frown lines masking his forehead.

She turned away with a sigh. She picked up her coffee cup from the cup holder and took a sip, it was cold and stale. She squinted at the taste and returned it to its holder.

"So that's it then?" he asked her with exasperation.

As she opened her mouth to respond the cold coffee churned in her stomach and she tried to steady her breathing. The smell of kebab was intoxicating and she closed her eyes trying to overcome her nausea. She wasn't winning.

She opened the door suddenly letting the file spill to the floor. She'd seen the sign to the public restroom the moment they pulled up and had been silently thankful it was close by. As she entered the bathroom she found an empty stall and humiliatingly vomited into the toilet bowl. Coffee, milk and that slick yellow bile that now had a green tinge to it came up. Her only shred of dignity was that she had made it to the bowl in time. She could have lost it at the basins, on the street or worse, in the car with Elliot.

She was never drinking again.

As she made her way out of the stall she noticed a woman looking at her with concern. She moved to basin washed her face with water, took a few sips and patted her face with a paper towel.

"When I was pregnant I was constantly sick." The words from the sympathetic female made her pause.

Olivia scrunched up the paper towel and threw it in the bin provided.

"How far along are you?" she asked with interest.

Olivia felt something vibrating in her pocket and when the ringing began to echo through the bathroom she was thankful for the interruption. She saw Elliot's number come up and pushed the phone back into her pocket letting it ring out.

She left the bathroom without a word then and on the way back to the car she stopped to purchase a bottle of water. When she got back into the car she felt his eyes on her as she sculled the liquid.

"You ok?" he asked her quietly.

She lowered the water and took the breath of the air she'd forgone for water.

"Yeah," she told him. She knew she sounded unconvincing when he could clearly see her eyes were blood shot and she looked like hell.

He turned away shaking his head. "I'll call Cragen, Fin can finish the shift," he told her picking up his phone.

"Elliot don't," she said assuring. "I'm good."

"You need to be focused," he told her.

She scoffed thinking that was rich.

"Right, like you were focused on that second woman," she mumbled under her breath.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You're not well." He said through gritted teeth.

"I can handle it," she pressed.

She watched as his eyes flashed to a man entering the laundromat and she followed his eye line. It was the first male they'd spotted that wasn't under the age of twelve with his mother.

She felt him reach down and clumsily grabbed the file beneath her feet, she moved out of his way.

"It's not him," she said quietly. His lips were too thin.

She watched as he opened the file regardless and when defeat registered he tossed it aside. He didn't say another word.

Four hours later their suspect turned up. She spotted him, Elliot arrested him and when they got back to the station Elliot led the interrogation.

Somehow miraculously she lasted through the day and didn't leave until after Elliot.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

_**Five nights later**_

Elliot shifted in the car seat for what seemed like the hundredth time. He couldn't seem to get comfortable which was odd considering he could spend up to 10 hours on a stakeout and barely need to stretch. Now a mere 45 minutes in the car and he was already getting pins and needles.

It probably had something to do with the fact that his partner wasn't sitting next to him, occupying his passenger seat and his attention. Even when they weren't talking she had his attention. Sometimes he listened to her steady breathing, other times he could hear her jaw clench anxiously and majority of the time he could hear her thinking. Olivia Benson was never one to zone out and clear her mind, she constantly had thoughts brimming, only now Elliot couldn't pin point one god damn one of them.

They hadn't said more than two words to each other since the stakeout. They had just gone on as if the recent past hadn't occurred. The night she went undercover, the night at his apartment, the night at the bar.

He needed answers. That's why he was there, parked across the road from his partners building. He couldn't endure another sleepless night trying to figure out where they stood now, it was killing him.

He rubbed his face and exhaled sharply. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time, or at least that's what he told himself he was doing when really he was checking for a missed call, a message, any hope that maybe she'd want to speak to him. The blank screen just blinked back at him, mocking him. All the service bars were in range and it was 1:02pm. He tapped the phone on his thigh and shifted in his seat again. He could call her he considered, or he could just walk up there.

His thoughts were interrupted by a car coming in the opposite direction and he shielded his eyes against the bright headlights waiting for it to pass. Only it didn't pass, it pulled over to the kerb adjacent to his car right in front of Olivia's stoop.

He watched as a guy got out of the drivers seat and walked over to the passenger door where a woman had opened it before he got a chance to. They were well dressed and looked as if they'd had been somewhere considerable, on a date with a woman who preferred to open her own door. As she stepped out he noticed the set of legs she had, they were long and tanned and reminded him of Olivia's. She wore a fitted woollen coat that ended at the knees and as she pushed the door shut her face turned towards Elliot's car. That's when he saw her, those legs looked like Olivia's because it was Olivia. Fuck.

He shrunk down in his car, he couldn't believe this. If she had seen him she hadn't let on because she was walking up her stairs to her building with the man in tow.

Elliot's jaw tightened and he tried to stifle the overwhelming sense of jealousy. He was picturing it now. The guy pushing her up against her apartment door while she fumbled for her keys. Pealing off her coat to reveal what on Gods earth she had been wearing tonight that somehow didn't show underneath the knee length coat.

Fuck he was mad and he had no right to be. He shifted in his seat, he needed to leave and now or he was going to do something stupid. Every second that ticked by was another second that he wasn't coming out of her apartment. As he went to turn the ignition he saw motion at the building door and realised with an overwhelming sense of relief that the guy was leaving. He should have known, if he was going to open her door for her, he would only see her up to her apartment, not go in for a night cap.

He watched as the guy got back into his car and started it up. He wasn't going to leave until he knew this guy wasn't going to change his mind. The car was started but he wasn't going anywhere. He tried to make out his face but with the headlights on he could barely see a thing.

"Leave you bastard," he muttered to himself, hoping that maybe that would do the trick. Finally, the car pulled away from the kerb and made it's way down the street. The headlights were no longer blinding him and he was left in silence.

The flood of questions swarmed. Who was he? Why was she out so late with him? Was that their first or second or tenth date? Did she like him? Did she want him? Did she let him kiss her at her door? This was agony.

A month ago he wouldn't be sitting outside her building muttering under his breath like an insane person. A month ago he would be tucked up in bed sleeping soundly because a month ago the thought of looking at her for too long would have been crossing boundaries.

There was no way he could go up there he determined. What possible reason could he have for turning up on her doorstep at 1:35am on a Tuesday night? He had decided that it was enough to know that she would be sleeping alone tonight for him to bare the thought of sleep.

Just as his hands went to turn the engine his phone rang through the silence and he jumped. He looked down and his heart started racing at the name.

_Benson_

He clicked the button to retrieve the call and suddenly he was speechless. He didn't say anything but it didn't matter because she beat him to it.

"What are you doing?"

The question rattled him as he tired to figure out what she was referring to.

"Outside my apartment Elliot, what are you doing?" He picked up on the anger.

He wondered if she was looking at him right now. He tilted his head and looked up to where her apartment was, a light was on but he couldn't see a shadow at the window. She must have seen him when she had gotten out of the car.

He heard her sigh softly on the other end as if she was doing her best to calm herself down.

"You've got the walk up to my apartment to come up with an explanation," she said with irritation and with that she ended the call.

What the hell?

His heart was thumping madly in his chest as he tried to figure out just what he was supposed to do in this situation. He couldn't leave now or he'd look like a gutless stalker but what did she expect him to say when he got up there?

With severe hesitation he opened the car door and the cold night air hit him. He had driven to her house so he had to deal with this. As he made his way up the stairs it suddenly hit him where he knew that guys face. It was the ken doll from that bar the other night that acted like a territorial dick over Olivia.

When he rounded the last flight of stairs he half expected her to be waiting at the door but it was closed. Suddenly he felt like he was intruding and that maybe she hadn't been serious about him coming up.

He went to knock on the door but she had pulled it open before his fist made contact. His eyes caught hers first but immediately but slipped down her body before he could stop himself. She was wearing a yellow cocktail dress, hugging all the right places, dipping where appropriate and wavering quite the distance above her knees. She'd taken her coat off and her heals and had her hair was down. He had sworn it was up before but now hung down messily framing her face. She looked stunning.

"Elliot," she spoke snapping his attention back to her face. She looked pissed off and impatiently waited for his explanation.

"You going to let me in?" he asked sheepishly. The cold air of the hallway was no match for the heat radiating out of her apartment.

"I'm not after company Elliot, just an explanation," she told him, annoyance lacing her voice.

"I don't want to discuss this in the hallway," he told her with a small sigh.

She grimaced. "I don't want a discussion, just your explanation and then you can leave."

His surprise was evident, she was acting stone cold and was in her don't screw with me mood.

"So which is it? You were just in the neighbourhood? Your car broke down? You wanted to make sure my date didn't stick around to screw me?"

He blinked twice and then cleared his throat. What the hell was going on with her?

"Have you been drinking?" he asked with confusion. He noticed her cheeks were rosy and she looked a little flushed.

"That's not an answer," she warned. Her hand was clutching the doorframe and he wondered if she was holding herself up.

He asked the question that sat perched on his lips. "Are you drunk Olivia?"

No wonder she'd asked him up, she had been drinking and lost hold of her rational thought process.

"Jesus Elliot, I had a couple of wines at dinner ok, I'm not drunk. Is this the part when you compare me to my mother again?" She glared at him.

His mouth dropped at the knowledge that she'd clearly remembered his statement and he rubbed a hand over his face.

"Jesus Liv, I'm sorry," he looked her in the eye. There was no slur in her words and he was kicking himself for jumping to conclusions.

"You know I didn't mean.." his words trailed off and he stepped forward.

She moved the door then, attempting to shut it but he slid a foot in between halting her actions.

"Liv please-" he started and she cut him off.

"You think sitting outside my apartment all night is going to fix our partnership?" She said quietly, still holding the door ajar.

He took in her words and he exhaled.

"Let me in," he pleaded.

She shook her head and closed her eyes. "Say what you've come here to say and go," she told him through gritted teeth.

"10 minutes," he urged her. "Please."

She sighed and after a few beats of hesitation she released her hold on the door and reluctantly stepped aside so he could enter.

As she made her way into the kitchen he noticed her dress dipped considerably low down her back. He sucked in a breath, a backless dress.

She picked up a small device beside the toaster and started fiddling with it, as he stepped closer he realised it was a cooking timer. She had had set the timer for 10 minutes, placed it on the kitchen bench and just looked at him.

The sound of the timer began ticking away and he just stared at her in disbelief. He wanted to comment on how petty she was being but somehow refrained.

She lent back on the bench and gave him a look letting him know she was waiting for him to start. His eyes went to her breasts, the dress provided ample cleavage and with no bra strap at the back he was trying to figure out how they remained so elevated. Was she wearing nothing at all under that dress?

"You've got 9 and a half minutes left, are you going to spend the entire time staring at my breasts?" She said coolly, putting him on the spot.

He should have been embarrassed but he was too angry now at the thought of her parading around in a poor excuse for a dress for some guy she barely knew.

"I'm just trying to work out the logistics of your dress. I mean you're missing half of it and you're not wearing a bra. Not exactly sure where the support is coming from, that's all." He knew he sounded irritated.

She shot him a look as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"It's a tight dress Elliot," she said through gritted teeth.

He shook his head at her. "Yeah I can see that."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What is your problem?"

"My problem is the dress you wore undercover left more to the imagination," he told her directly.

Her eyes widened and she took the insult, without meaning to he'd basically just told her she looked like a slut. The smart thing to do would be to back track but he was too angry to let it slide.

"It's pretty obvious what you wanted to get out of wearing a dress like that tonight," he told her softly.

Her eyes narrowed in on him.

"Too bad he was too much of a gentleman."

The slap hit him hard across the face and echoed through the kitchen. She didn't hold back and it seared his cheek. He couldn't help but enjoy it, her hand, her fury, her losing control.

"Fuck. You," she told him without blinking.

He knew he was being a prick but he couldn't help it now.

"Is that why you invited me up here?"

He could see the lack of control slowly seeping out of her, she was almost throbbing with fury. Her eyes which had looked a lot lighter earlier, now looked black.

"Get out."

He shook his head. "I've still got 8 minutes."

She launched for the timer but he was too quick for her, sliding it out of her way.

He waited then for her to really lose it but after a few moments of silence she caught him off guard and changed gears.

"I know why you're doing this," she said quietly, her eyes making contact with his.

He was anxious now, this wasn't the response he'd expected to hear from her. He wanted to ask what she meant but was afraid of what she would come back with.

Acting like a prick, calling her a slut, baiting her, refusing to leave?

Instead he just accepted it. "Why Liv? Why am I doing this?"

Her eyes locked his in place and he waded through the painstaking moments of silence before she spoke.

"Because you want me so bad it's killing you," she whispered.

He felt like he'd just been punched in the gut. Every fibre of his being was concentrating on the simple task of not pulling his eyes away from hers.

What had she just said?

It was spoken so matter-of-factly like she'd just give him the formula of a mathematical equation. He needed an answer, a come back, any functioning response to what she'd just accused him of but it had knocked the wind out of him. He was so infuriated at her blatant presumption, it cut deeper than any cheap shot or curse word she could throw at him.

Her eyes were more relaxed now and she knew she had it over him, there was no longer need for anger.

"You wanna say that again?" He hadn't heard right, that was it, he needed to hear it again to be sure.

She moved forward, removing the final step between them and he held his breath.

"Are you going to deny it Elliot?"

His throat caught and he needed to swallow but held back. Suddenly she was the one in control, the one making outlandish comments that rendered him speechless.

He opened his mouth to say something and then shut it again. She was too close with both her body and her words. He could see the soft rise and fall of her chest beneath him as if this wasn't even fazing her. Her breathing was steady unlike his.

He couldn't believe what she was doing, stripping down the barriers between them without a second thought. She was being brash, careless and irresponsible.

"What are you doing?" he whispered.

She didn't miss a beat.

"What you don't have the balls to," she told him matter-of-factly.

Elliot's jaw twitched and he looked away after what seemed like an endless staring competition. In that moment he knew he'd lost to her.

"I'd be careful with your choice of words Olivia," Elliot warned her.

"So you're going with denial then." She didn't ask but concluded and finally stepped away from their showdown.

"What are you afraid of Elliot?" she asked him curiously, settling her back against the bench. "Of actually being honest with me?"

Her question was laced with hypocrisy and Elliot didn't hold back.

"Are you kidding me?" He walked up to her and closed the space she'd just created.

"You want to talk honesty Olivia, why don't you start by telling me why you kissed me that night and don't you dare say it was part of that test because that's complete bullshit. You're competitive but you're not fucking stupid." His voice had risen in volume and he'd locked her against the bench. "If that had been Fin or Munch would it end with your tongue down their throat?"

A fire ignited in Olivia's eyes.

"Fin or Munch wouldn't put me through that test Elliot, they wouldn't have their hands all over me, pinning me to the floor, against the wall. They wouldn't be staking out my house at 1 in the morning, staring at my breasts and trying to control their hard on. They wouldn't cut me off at the bar or drag me away from some nice guy because they can't stand the thought of someone else touching me."

Her words came out in rapid fire and obliterated him entirely while simultaneously side stepping his foolproof question. He wasn't going to give up on getting his answer.

"You've got 10 seconds to answer my question Olivia or I sware to God-"

"I kissed you because it was the only way I could wipe that smug arrogant look off your face and beat you at your own game. I kissed you because you're only weakness is in your pants. You may be a good cop Elliot but you're still a man, you still think with your-"

He grabbed her then, by the waist and pushed her up against the bench, his crotch pushing into her hip only emphasising her point.

"Five seconds Olivia." His voice was low, his lips were close and he wasn't giving up. He was hard, he knew it and he was waiting for her to either freak out and slap him or stand there and take it.

"Five seconds to what?" she whispered and her lips drew ever so closer to his, obviously not fazed by his intimate proximity. "Tell you that I kissed you because I was sick of always doing the right thing? That for once in my life I acted on what I wanted damning the consequences."

His eyes flickered with surprise at how forthcoming her response was. His heart rate shot up, it would appear Olivia was finally complying, finally being honest with him but he was going to buy it just yet.

"That's a good start," he said slowly. His hand still held her against the bench but had loosened slightly. He noticed she was gripping the edges of the bench for stability as his crotch pressed into her hip. She wasn't in any hurry to create any distance between them.

"What else?" he pushed her, his eyes searching hers for more. He needed something more than an admission to a kiss in the heat of the moment.

"What else do you want?" Her expression was neutral but he heard the innuendo in her voice, she was playing with him and she wasn't giving anything up in a hurry. He knew he'd have to work for it.

He was debating his next choice of words in his head. He could continue this table tennis conversation drawing responses from her one by one or he could be as direct as she had been.

"Tell me you want me just as badly." The words came out in a rush and he felt lightheaded that they were out there.

Olivia's eyes held his with intensity, her expression gave nothing away. He was holding his breath now, he'd just admitted in words that he wanted her. Granted his hard on was already illustrating that point but it was something about saying those words. There was no taking it back now. He wanted her and he was pretty certain she wanted him, all he needed was some verbal confirmation.

As his eyes searched hers he could see she was slowly distancing herself from him, mentally creating a barrier. She'd just realised the gravity of the situation and they were in and sealing the deal for him would be too easy.

_Say it Liv. _

He silently begged her with his eyes because he knew words would do no good. He still had her eye contact but for how much longer he wondered. He was playing with a matter of seconds here and decided that if she wouldn't say it in words, he'd get an admission another way.

He moved his hand from its hold on her waist and brought it up smoothing over her cheek. He wanted to say something then and there but couldn't seem to configure words.

Instead he moved in, slowly at first, hovering just above her lips. The thought of being seconds away from kissing her again was mind blowing. He wavered momentarily waiting for some sort of confirmation. When it didn't come, he pulled her lips up to his.

Just as his top lip smoothed over her lower lip she turned her face to the side and his lips brushed against her cheek as a result. She wasn't going to let him kiss her. He'd have to wait another 12 years for that chance again. He was staring at the side of her face as she looked away uneasily. He stepped back a little enough to give her some breathing space.

He watched as she turned her back on him completely and let out the breath she had been holding. He was met with this awkward silence and unrestricted access to her bare back. If her aim had been to get him to cool down it wasn't working. He saw her grip the edge of the bench.

"You should go," she said quickly too gutless to say it to his face. He heard the fear in her voice, the panic of how close she was to letting go and giving in. That it was taking everything in her now to turn her back on him. But he couldn't go, not until she gave him something more. Hope for the future or the truth, he'd take either at this point.

"What's the matter Liv?" his horse voice began as he removed the step between them and his chest brushed her back. His heart was beating rapidly against her back but she didn't fight him. He took that as a sign and moved in closer his crouch pushing into her backside before he whispered the soft accusation into her ear.

"Afraid if I kiss you, you won't be able to stop?"

He heard her omit a noise and grip the bench top so tight her knuckles went white. He snaked one arm around her waist while the other brushed her hair aside and his lips fell onto the bare skin of her neck. He ran his mouth ran over her skin and he could feel her react, goosebumps breaking out across her flesh.

He kissed her neck, pushing his lips into her and she let out a moan and he hardened against her. His hand that was holding her at her waist moved slowly upward grasping her breast, he felt her breath catch. He softly bit into her neck at the touch, no bra meant the only thing that separated his hand and her erect nipple was a thin piece of material.

He kissed her where he'd bitten the skin intending to sooth his mark while his hand made it's way inside her dress from the side and across her bare breast. She let out a breath at the touch and as he flicked his thumb over her nipple she moaned falling back into him pushing her ass into his hardness.

He groaned into her hair and as his fingers trailed across her hardened nipple once more she let her head fall back against him. Her ass was still pressing into him and he tried in vain to distance his lower half in an effort to calm himself down.

He withdrew his hand from her breast and grabbed her hips, moving her up against the bench so he could control of how close her backside got to him. Jesus Christ he wanted her so badly, he wanted to take her right there, up against the bench.

He sucked in a breath, despite all the manhandling he was kidding himself if he thought that meant he had control. He had nothing, except for the mere fact that she hadn't slugged him in the face yet.

He let his hand trail hesitantly down her thigh as if at moment he was expecting an elbow in his stomach, but she just stood there taking it. His hands hit bare skin and he slid the material of her dress upward until he reached her hip. His hand smoothed over the lacy material at her hip and he held his breath.

The thought crossed his mind that she was wearing this delicate scrap of material on a date with a man she barely knew. She had all the intentions of having sex tonight, just not with him. He tried to shake off the doubt, Olivia wanted him, he knew it. That guy had just been a distraction, a substitute because he wasn't the smart choice.

He moved his hands between her legs, trailing her inner thigh and he heard her omit a sound as he slowly moved upward. If she wasn't going to admit she wanted him, he would soon find out.

He swore he felt her spread her legs a little wider and he lingered, lightly brushing the skin between her inner thighs. Just as his hand skimmed the rim of her panties a loud beeping noise shocked him into retraction. His hand fell away as he tried to work out where the hell the noise was coming from.

She was moving now, the woman who had stood with her back turned in front of him for what seemed like hours letting him do whatever the hell he pleased was now pushing him out of her way to get to this noise maker. He thought she was going for her phone when she picked up the small kitchen timer on the bench and clicked it off.

The noise evaporated and the apartment enveloped into silence. She placed the device down and it blinked at him.

10:00

"Times up," she said slowly, her voice horse.

She wasn't looking at him. What had she just said? Times up? What the fuck did she mean by that? He took a moment to digest it, while simultaneously trying to get eye contact. This was not happening.

"Times up?" He repeated, questioned, pleading for his thoughts to be misunderstood. That she hadn't been sitting idly by letting him do whatever the fuck he pleased knowing full well she'd cut him off at the sound of 10 minutes. There was no time for niceties, her silence was only supporting his theory.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He stepped towards her and she distanced herself from him.

"It means your 10 minutes is up Elliot," she told him sternly.

He shook her head at her. "Are you really doing this?" 

She finally looked him in the eyes and he saw it then and the volume of his voice inclined.

"All of this was just passing time for you, waiting it out?" He couldn't believe it.

"You had 10 minutes to say or _do_ whatever you wanted, don't blame me if you wasted them." Her words were ruthless.

He could have fucked her in 10 minutes.

He was beyond it. He needed to get out of there now or he'd lose it. As he moved towards the door he looked back only briefly before he spoke.

"Nice job _fixing_ our partnership Olivia."

He left her with the bitter words before he slammed the door behind him.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

She fucked up.

She knew she had but he'd crossed the line pushing her way into her apartment that night and giving her hell. Hell about her choices, about her motives, about her dress.

She had tried to do the right thing by distracting herself with Brad but he just had to show up cocky as fuck and obliterate it to hell.

Lord knows she wanted him to continue his unyielding manipulation of her body but when the alarm sounded it had snapped her back to reality. The gravity of the situation was too severe and she wasn't about to lose a 12-year partnership.

That worked out well.

"So you want to tell me why I had to lose a perfectly good partner?" Munch asked the lingering question as they sat in the idle car.

She thought about Fin and she couldn't help a small smile. "Right like it was always rainbows and sunshine with Fin."

She felt his eyes on her profile, he hadn't seen the humour.

"You're avoiding the question."

She shifted in her seat. Her deflection hadn't succeeded but she wasn't in the mood for talking. Silence invaded their moment and for a good while and Olivia hoped he had dropped it.

"He requested the switch," Munch said.

It wasn't a question but she knew he wanted an answer from that statement. Why? The words hit home. He requested the switch, reminding her that it was her fuck up, her cross to bear.

She reached for her coffee cup that had been sitting in the cup holder and fingered the edge of the lid anxiously. The coffee would be stone cold by now but she needed something to hold.

"What happened?" Munch pushed blindly as if her hesitation hadn't been clearly obvious.

She wasn't doing this, she wasn't delving into her issues with Munch.

"Did you sleep with him?" The bluntness of his question hit her hard.

She closed her eyes. "Jesus Munch."

"That wasn't a no," he noted.

She thought about that night with Elliot and how close she had been to giving in.

"I didn't sleep with my partner." She cleared up still not making eye contact with him.

He hadn't taken his eyes of her. "But you wanted to," he said knowingly.

She didn't know why Munch was pushing this so hard but she was going to end this conversation. Now.

"He has a family," she spoke sternly, careful not to say wife.

"They're separated," he reminded her.

It didn't matter. His finger still housed the ring. His apartment didn't fool her. All Elliot needed was an invitation to Florida or a pregnant Kathy and he was right by her side.

"Kathy's seeing someone," Munch informed her knowing full well this would be news to her.

She tried to remain nonchalant but her scepticism gave out.

"He went to Miami," she reminded him, trying not to sound bitter. 

Olivia needed some air, the car was restricting. She wound down her window and inserted her coffee cup back into the cup holder.

"Kathy's boyfriend booked that trip, but something came up. She had a spare ticket, Elliot was on leave. It was a good opportunity to spend time with the kids."

_Kathy's boyfriend._

She sucked on her bottom lip. That son of a bitch had never filled those blanks in for her. Here she was thinking he had fled back to his wife for reconciliation. Her heart was beating a little faster and she was getting a little nauseous. She shook it off, it didn't matter. None of this mattered anymore because Elliot refused to even look at her now.

"He didn't tell you?" Munch asked the lingering question.

She sighed sinking back into the car seat. "Elliot hasn't told me anything in years."

Her words enveloped both of them into silence.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

She no longer sat in front of Elliot.

She was at Fin's old desk, which had permanent water rings, coffee stains and handwriting marks where he'd carelessly pushed too hard into the wood.

She missed her desk, what she wouldn't admit was she missed her partner.

It was late. Elliot was doing paperwork and the majority of the precinct had gone home. It was the first time they had been alone together since that night at her apartment and the silence was eating away at her.

She was starving, she'd skipped lunch in an effort to clear her own paperwork and she'd been thinking about ordering Chinese. As she picked up the phone receiver she turned to Elliot, hesitating only briefly before she spoke.

"I'm ordering Chinese," she stated.

He didn't flinch.

"Do you want any?" She had said it casually as if she didn't care either way when really she was hoping they'd go half beef, half chicken and laugh at their ridiculous fortune cookie messages.

She held the phone receiver mid air. He hadn't acknowledged her and when she realised he wasn't going to she dialled the number and recited her order for one.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Elliot made his way into locker room and began peeling off his tie. He couldn't sit out there another minute alone with Olivia.

Where was everyone anyway? The one night he has to stay back late the whole precinct clears out except for her. Just his luck.

He stripped off his shirt, pants and shoes and pulled his sweat pants and tank top out of his locker and hit the bench press.

It must have been at least 20 minutes later when he heard the door to the locker room open. His singlet was drenched and his hands were buckling under the pressure of the press. He used whatever energy he had left to push the weight back up into place and his body dropped down with a sigh. He blinked a couple of times catching his breath before he got up.

He made his way back to his locker pulling off his sweaty singlet and that's when he saw her.

She was standing beside his locker holding something in her hand. He was pissed off that she was invading his space when clearly he came in here to be alone. He ignored her presence and reached for his towel.

"How long?" Olivia asked quietly.

He felt his jaw tighten.

"Don't."

He wiped his chest and upper back down before he tossed the towel back in.

"Tell me what to do," she urged him.

He slammed his locker closed. "I'm done being mind fucked." 

He watched as her eyes drifted to his bare chest and he saw her visible reaction to his body.

"Fine," she said stepping closer to him. "Then even the steaks."

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Take the 10 minutes over, on your terms," she told him.

That's when he realised what she was holding, his stopwatch.

"Are you kidding me?" he stabbed, he was angry.

He couldn't believe this.

"Everyone's gone," she said quietly.

"You're insane," he whispered.

Was he dreaming? His heart was racing at just what she was implying and he bit into his lip. She was in jeans, a leather jacket and a white t-shirt that hugged her breasts. She looked as hot as hell.

Damn his self control.

"Go home Olivia," his voice cracked.

She shook her head and her eyes dipped to his lips.

"No."

That's all he needed.

He stepped forward and grabbed her pushing her up against the lockers. His hand found hers and pulled the stopwatch from her grasp. He looked down at the 10 minutes she had programmed and hit start. His body held her against the lockers as his lips loomed dangerously close to hers.

"Kiss me," he said softly, his top lip practically brushing hers as he spoke.

When she didn't comply he tossed the stopwatch onto the bench and moved his hand to cup her cheek lining her lips with his. His thumb traced her lower lip and he felt her breath quicken.

"Kiss me Olivia," he demanded, begging her to comply.

A few moments ticked over before she closed the distance, running her lips lightly over his and it gave him chills.

"No," she whispered.

She was teasing him, making him be the one who crossed the line and kissed her.

He could care less.

He leant in and grasped her lower lip determinedly. His eyes drifted to a close as he melted into her. When he started to pull back she moved in capturing his top lip between hers and he moaned at how receptive she was.

She wrapped her arms around his neck in an effort to bring his body closer and he could feel her breasts press into his chest. She was sucking on his lower lip but he wanted her to open her mouth. His arm moved down grabbing her waist and he felt the hint of bare skin where her t-shirt had ridden up. He lost it, opening her lips with his and sliding his tongue in.

She moaned into his mouth and he felt his pants getting tight. He bit down lightly on her lower lip in appreciation and that set her off and she kissed him hard. He drew his hand upward taking her shirt up with it until he was cupping the light lace of her bra. He thumbed her erect nipple and she moaned, breaking off the kiss, allowing her head to fall back against the lockers.

Her bare stomach was now flush up against his and her leather jacket was a nuisance but he wasn't stopping to remove it. With her eyes closed and her head resting on the lockers he lent forward kissing into the side of her neck.

She groaned and moved her lower half against his growing erection in response. Fuck.

He thought about the stopwatch and the ten minutes and if she would really hold him to that because he wasn't fucking rushing this.

One arm snaked around her back beneath her t-shirt and grabbed at her bra clasp. His lips were sucking on her neck as he fumbled one handed with the stubborn clasp. He moved his other hand behind her back in an effort to unclasp it and heard her holding in her amusement.

"Don't you dare," he mumbled against her neck with a smile, finally pulling the stubborn strap apart.

If she was laughing before she wasn't anymore as his hand pushed the material of her bra aside and cupped her bare breast. She melted into him arching her back as he thumbed her nipple.

"Jesus El," she moaned falling back against the hard metal of the lockers.

It was a beautiful sight, Olivia losing control.

He tweaked her nipple and she writhed against him in response. She pulled at her jacket and shrugged it down her arms. It barely made it to the floor before his lips returned to hers, kissing her hard.

He felt her hands on his bare chest trailing down his torso until they reached the waistband of his sweats. She slid her tongue into his mouth and then moved her hand inside the front of his sweats smoothing over the front of his jocks.

"Jesus." He broke off the kiss and grabbed her wrist immediately pulling it out. He eyed her as if to silently tell her things were getting out of hand but she ignored his warning and closed the distance between them.

Her lips returned to his and his mind swarmed. Was this really happening? Did she really expect him to do her up against the lockers at the precinct? Lord knows he had dreamt about scenarios like this but he was well aware that the stopwatch was still ticking over.

Olivia had screwed him over once and there was no way in hell he was falling for it again.

Her hands were making their way down south again but he grabbed them before they got too close. He pinned them shoulder height against the lockers and looked her dead in the eyes. She looked hazy and lightheaded.

"El," she practically moaned. "I need you."

He nearly choked. He hadn't expected that, Olivia Benson telling him she needed him. Would wonders never cease? He wanted hear it again.

"What was that?" He questioned her innocently with a small smile.

She moved her lower half against his for emphasis, not responding to the humour.

"Now," she whispered and it cut into him.

She did expect this to happen. His mind raced, this wasn't just a game.

He wanted to know how long they had on the stopwatch but he was already losing fight. He let go of her arms and grasped the belt buckle of her jeans. His lips tugged at hers and she kissed him back, eager and hungry.

He let his hand slid down the front of her jeans and his lips muffled her moan as his knuckles trailed over her centre. He felt her move her legs apart to grant him access and he twisted his hand so he was cupping her. He felt the dampness through the material and he moaned into her mouth. The first concrete sign that Olivia Benson wanted him.

He let one finger push between her and partly penetrate through her panties and Olivia's grip around his neck tightened. He rubbed over her clit and her head fell back into the lockers as she tried to control her breathing. She grasped his bicep and damn it he just wanted to slip into her right then and there so he could feel just how ready she was for him. He skimmed the side of her panties and he could sense her frustration at his teasing. His cock was throbbing against her hip and the heat between her legs was excruciating.

Suddenly the alarm sounded from behind and it rattled her and even surprized him. He pulled his hand from her pants and took the couple of steps backwards to retrieve it. His body was screaming at him to just suck it up, turn it off and go back to her but she deserved this. He held payback definitively in his grasp and his pride won over.

As he turned the stopwatch off she started moving towards him eager to get back to where they were but by some miracle he managed to gather some restraint. He dodged her and dipped down picking up her jacket that was pooled on the floor. He took the step forward and pushed it into her hands.

"Go home Liv," he told her quietly.

When he did fuck her, it wouldn't be in the precinct, it would be to prove a point and it sure as hell wouldn't be on a time limit.

He moved to his locker then as if it were nothing and grabbed a clean shirt, slipping it on.

She hadn't responded but he could feel her eyes on him as he pulled a hoodie over his t-shirt. He needed to say it now or he never would.

"I put in for a transfer," he told her quietly still not looking at her.

He could see her reaction out of the corner of her eyes.

"New Jersey, I leave on Friday," he confirmed.

He turned then and watched her registering his words. He had expected anger, fireworks from her all he got was a strange sadness.

After a few devastating moments of silence she managed to find her voice.

"If you're leaving then what the hell was that?" Her voice was quiet but he heard the anger in her words. She sounded like she was desperately holding it together and it killed him.

He realised the magnitude of the destruction he was about to cause but there was nothing he could do to stop the word from coming out of his mouth.

"Payback."

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks everyone for your continued interest in this story – I can't believe some of the insanely ridiculously kind things you are saying and I appreciate each and every word! This is a short one, but the next one will be longer I promise.

**Chapter 6**

_**Three months later**_

Olivia winced as she bent down to pick up the pieces of the dinner plate she'd just dropped, the pain in her back still evident. She had been trying to organise something resembling dinner when the plate slipped from her grip.

As she collected the shards and deposited them into the bin she slowly pulled herself up using the bench as leverage. She had been shot by a perp a week ago and was on bed rest.

The painkillers helped alleviate the pain but sadly not her boredom.

She was sick of daytime TV and being confined to her house but most of all she was sick of having to be mindful of the wound on her back. She wanted to feel strong again and it was killing her.

She returned to the fridge and this time she pulled out a beer.

_Screw dinner, this would have to do._

She popped the cap off with the bottle opener and drew in a couple of generous sips before exhaling, she let the liquid seep into her empty stomach.

Her eyes glanced across the fridge and she noticed the invitation held under the electric company magnet.

_Kathleen's 21__st__._

She got a shock when she received it months ago and although she wasn't attending it remained on her fridge. Stupid really as all it did was remind her of him when she'd spent the past three months trying to forget.

She knew he was in the city, Munch told her he was at the precinct a couple of days ago. He was visiting his kids and was obviously there for Kathleen's party. Munch had relayed that information as if he expected her to do something with it.

_Like hell she would._

If the man didn't visit her when she was shot then obviously he had no desire to see her. She'd held her breath every time the door to the hospital room opened, sure that at some point he would come. But it was only ever Fin, Munch or Cragen.

She took another long draw of her beer. She knew she shouldn't be mixing this with her painkillers with alcohol but she was beyond caring.

A small knock on her door stopped her mid gulp and she nearly choked on the liquid.

She looked down at her attire, fitted sweatpants and a matching light blue hoodie, she ran her hands through her hair as if to sort whatever mess she had made with it. It was in a loose ponytail and she had no time to fix it.

She heard the second knock, a little more urgent. She wondered which one of her work colleagues was checking on her now.

She pulled open the door and her breath caught unexpectedly when saw him. Three months had passed and there he was, standing at her doorstep holding a pizza and a six pack. Trust her to look like death.

She felt nauseous.

"Hey," he said his voice quieter than she expected.

She bit down on her lower lip and her eyes fell to the contents in his hand and then back up to him. She released her lip.

"Hi." She felt stupid that she didn't have more of an appropriate response.

He watched her for a good moment before he spoke again.

"Can I come in?" he asked her, making it evident that holding the beer and pizza was proving to be difficult.

She scratched her temple and she stole a glance quickly over her shoulder as if to determine if the place was tidy enough for him to enter.

"I'd rather you didn't." She lied.

He let out a small breath but his features didn't seem to alter.

"Have you had dinner?"

"I'm not hungry." She lied again. Her mouth was already watering at the smell of that pizza.

He looked down the hall then, like he was trying to figure out what the magic words were that would get him inside her apartment.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her, his eyes coming back to hers.

_What do you care? _

He didn't care enough to see if she'd pulled through at the hospital.

"I'm fine." The third lie.

The air between them became mindlessly silent and she wanted to clear her throat just to break the silence.

"I'm sorry," he said the words and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

His apology was out of place.

"For what?" She looked away shaking her head.

He couldn't answer her then, even he looked unsure of why he'd said it. He shifted the items in his hand, readjusting them to get more comfortable.

"The pizza's getting cold," he tried as if that would concern her.

"Elliot," she sighed frustrated. "What are you doing here?" She was tired of tiptoeing through the niceties and wanted to cut to the chase.

He looked a little caught off guard and he cleared his throat. "I don't know," he admitted.

She resisted the urge to tell him how stupid that sounded.

"Liv."

Shivers vibrated through her, it had been so long since she'd heard that name, that tone. She could tell he knew it had affected her because his body relaxed somewhat. The intensity was too much so she broke the eye contact.

"Please," he said quietly.

The plea was so out of character and she knew it must have taken a lot for him to beg. His presence no longer seemed to be for her benefit, but more for his.

Instead of making eye contact again she simply stepped to the side and motioned for him to enter. He hesitated just momentarily before walking through the space she provided.

The closer he got into her apartment, the further Olivia distanced herself from him. A pretty nifty trick, given that the physical space between them remained unaltered.

He put the pizza down on the bench and let the six-pack rest next to it.

In an effort to avoid words she wasted no time reaching up to grab a couple of plates from where she'd tried to earlier. She felt that familiar pang in her back and stepped back from the open cupboard.

She wasn't going to try again, particularly with two plates this time.

"Can you-" she started to speak and he was already reaching for the plates, happy to be of assistance. He'd drawn closer to her in his pursuit but noticed he had made a conscious effort not to physically make contact with her.

He placed the plates on the table and opened the pizza box.

She pulled a beer out of the six-pack and took the top off it with the bottle opener that was still resting on her bench. She slid it towards Elliot and put the rest of the beer in the fridge.

"You're not having one?" he questioned casually a hint of surprise in his voice. He began to pull a couple of slices out of the box and onto a plate.

She answered him by picking up her already opened beer from before and taking a sip. He watched her strangely, a look in his eyes she couldn't place and wondered what he was thinking.

_Just like your mother?_

He must have seen it in her eyes because he looked like he was backtracking.

"Your hair is longer." He gave her the out of place statement, his way of changing the subject.

Elliot was holding a plate with two slices ready to go and wasn't moving. The smell was overwhelming so she took the step forward and claimed the plate.

"It looks nice," he told her, as if to back up the observation.

She wanted to tell him it was a mess, that she'd been laying around sleeping on it all day. She took her pizza and beer to the couch instead.

She didn't wait for Elliot to join her, just bit into the luke warm pizza, thankful for something substantial finally making her way to her stomach. Elliot was right, it was getting cold, but it didn't matter she was too hungry to care.

Elliot joined her soon after and hesitated at the decision between sitting with her on the couch or sitting on the single seat.

She watched him take the single seat.

He went to take his first bite when he realised she was already onto her second slice.

He smiled. "You _are_ hungry."

She didn't answer him and continued eating. He took a generous sip of his beer and she could sense he was uncomfortable.

A few moments passed and she clicked on the TV, if anything it would act as a background distraction. She wasn't in the mood for channel surfing so she left it on the first thing that came on. The Partridge family. She turned the volume down slightly continued eating.

"What happened to your plate?" he asked her and she looked down at the plate in her hands.

"In the bin?" he confirmed curiously.

He must have seen it when he was in the kitchen.

_What kind of a question was that?_

Obviously she dropped it or did he think she lost it and smashed it against the wall?

"I dropped it," she answered him giving him a look, as if it was bloody obvious.

He nodded and turned his attention back to the TV. She had finished her second slice of pizza and was sucking the remnants off her fingers, wishing she had brought some paper towel over. She looked over to notice he was watching her.

He held her eye contact and she knew he was about to ask her something she wouldn't want to answer.

"How's your back?" he managed.

She drew the beer to her lips and drank back the remnants. She was tired of his questions, she had already told him she was fine. She got up then and took her beer and plate to the kitchen. She put the empty bottle on the sink and started rinsing her plate.

It didn't take him long to join her. He stood there watching her as she put the plate to the side and rinsed her hands in the process.

"You don't want anymore?" he questioned.

She shook her head. She was already feeling nauseous from eating so fast, that and her stomach must have shrunk over the past weeks.

She shook her hands dry in the sink and Elliot put his plate down on the bench, grabbing a hand towel for her. She reluctantly took it.

She was careful not to touch him unnecessarily as she grasped it. She didn't say thank you.

"How's your back?" he repeated the question from earlier.

She tossed the hand towel to the side.

"It's fine." She spoke over her shoulder.

She was eying his plate which still housed the majority of his second slice and she thought that was strange.

"Can I see?" He stepped closer to her reaching for the bottom of her hoodie and she swung around before he touched her. A small fire in her eyes.

"No," she pushed, giving him a look like he was insane for suggesting it.

He retreated and scratched his cheek.

"Look, thanks for dinner but I think you should go," she said the words before she lost the nerve and prayed that he would just comply without fighting her.

He looked a little hurt. "You're kicking me out?"

She gripped the edge of the granite bench and looked away because she had lied to his face enough tonight.

"I'm tired."

A few moments of silence ticked over and he stepped closer to her, her breath catching at his impending closeness.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," he told her quietly and she knew exactly what he was referring to. He wasn't there that night, to have her back.

Literally.

She wondered if that was what he was apologising for earlier at her door.

"Elliot-" She tried to stop his attempt to acquire blame but he continued.

"_I_ should have had your back, no one else." His voice was gravelly and she heard the raw regret.

"If I was there this wouldn't have happened," he finished and his words riled her.

Her features twisted and she could tell he knew he'd said the wrong thing.

"Like I can't survive without you for a second-"

"That's not what I meant." He cut her off before she got too far into her rant but she was already fired up.

"He had me Elliot, Munch was down and there wouldn't have been a god damn thing you could have done about it. So don't stand there and tell me you would have done it any differently," she finished off in a yell.

"Ok...ok Liv, I'm sorry." He reached out to smooth her shoulder but she dodged his advances before he touched her.

He let his hand fall back by his side.

"Just go," she said softly avoiding his eyes and stepping towards the fridge. She opened the door and grasped another beer, mindfully taking one of hers and not his. She'd spent their whole conversation holding off getting another one but she was done waiting for him to leave.

She tried to pull off the cap with the opener but she had to have chosen the one bottle that was stubborn, the bottle opener kept slipping off and she was feeling the pain in her back.

She could feel Elliot struggling with resisting to help her.

She finally got the cap off and took a sip of the icy cold liquid, tossing the bottle opener to the side she started to walk out of the kitchen. Before she knew it she'd accidently brushed against his shoulder on her exit and familiar sensations rose. The contact made Elliot's presence feel real, like he was actually in her apartment and not just a figment of her imagination.

He reached out then and grabbed her wrist as if her body graze had suddenly given him permission to touch her. He stopped her in her pursuit. She wanted to yank herself from his new confidence but she was too distracted by the fact that he was now touching her.

She bowed her head and eyed the hold he had on her wrist.

"Turn around," he told her quietly and her heart started thumping in her chest. She didn't quite understand why he wanted her to turn around but he'd dropped his hand from her wrist and she was suddenly curious as hell to find out.

Her mouth made motions to say something, perhaps refuse him, but she didn't quite know what to say so she simply turned around and placed her beer on the bench. She stood still facing away from him and tried to steady her breathing. She wanted to exhume a state of calm as if none of this was fazing her.

She heard him take a step forward and she closed her eyes. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity and she was slowly getting agitated, just when she was about to question him she felt him reach out and grasp the bottom of her sweatshirt. The sharp intake of her breath almost made her dizzy.

His fingers slid across her bare lower back as they curled under to grasp the material.

She bit into her bottom lip, hard.

He started pulling her hoddie up the expanse of her back, the cold night air pricking her skin like needles.

He kept pulling the material up and she reached out grasping the countertop for leverage. He stopped pulling when the bandage on her back came into view.

She felt him pause, he must have been taking it in. His hand was holding her top just below her bra strap. His thumb resting lightly on the bare skin of her back as he held her. It had ridden up in front, her bare stomach exposed and she was thankful for the small fact that Elliot couldn't see from that angle.

She could feel his eyes on her and she wondered if his focus remained on her bandage or if he'd let his eyes travel down her bare lower back over the curve of her ass. She'd have no idea from this angle. She jumped slightly when she felt his fingertips play over the rim of the bandage, lightly skimming the perimeter. Her whole body broke out into goosebumps and her nipples hardened at his touch.

"When does this come off?" he asked quietly and for a second she thought he was talking about her hoddie.

She swallowed. "Tuesday." She had tried to steady her voice but knew she had failed.

His free hand slipped then grasping her bare waist and her heart was thumping in overtime. He moved in quickly, coating her bare back with his chest, his chin resting on her shoulder.

Her breath caught. His hard chest was against her bare back, with just a cotton shirt separating them. Both of his hands were now possessively holding her exposed waist, his warm breath searing her neck. Despite his blatant claim on her, she could tell he was being cautious of her bandage.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear and her eyes were suddenly tearing up once more. She didn't know what he was apologising for this time but she could hear the sadness in his voice

She swallowed, trying desperately to suppress the lump that was forming in her throat. Then as if he'd heard the question circling her mind he answered her.

"For everything."

He had just taken the blame for it all just like that and her eyes opened slowly. It wasn't fair, she was just as responsible for this mess than he was. She'd kissed him that night and toyed with him, she had to take some responsibility for this but her lips weren't moving.

_I'm sorry too._

It would have sounded ridiculous and forced so she remained quiet.

"God I missed you." This time his lips grazed her ear, that combined with his words made her melt against him. She relaxed in his hold a little and he felt it, allowing his body to inch in a little closer. He let his lips slowly trail down the side of her neck until they reached her collarbone.

She'd stopped breathing.

She noticed he had been purposefully keeping his lower half away from her backside since he'd started this ownership of her body but now he was granting himself more access. His arms snaked around her bare stomach pulling her into him pressing his crotch into her backside.

She didn't miss a beat, she used her whole body to shove him firmly off her. She felt the pain in her back as she did it but his grasp around her waist came off and it was worth it.

She spun around.

"Don't," she said with irritation and his eyes dropped to where her stomach was still partly exposed. She yanked her top down angrily.

"Don't what?" he asked with defence, a little shocked at her sudden 360.

"You think you can just turn up on my door step with pizza and beer, tell me you're sorry," she paused looking him dead in the eye, "and then fuck me?" Her unsubtle words were out before she could stop them. 

His expression dropped, "Liv."

Her insides twisted at his careless use of her nickname at a time like this. He had no right to call her that anymore.

"Three months Elliot." She reminded him as if that were enough. She wanted to tell him that she had spent three months getting over this, getting over him, but she knew it would show her weakness, it would make her seem pathetic and she wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

He was watching her with a pained expression before he responded.

"Do you think I'm just here on a whim?" he said to her slowly. "What do you want me to say? That I've been a mess for three months, that coming here tonight was one of the hardest decisions I've made? That having to sit by for hours not knowing if you were alive nearly killed me? Do you really need me to tell you how I feel about you?"

Olivia looked at the floor because the way Elliot was just ripping it all open was too much to bear. He stepped closer to her, grasping her cheek forcing her to look at him.

"You want me to say it Olivia, because I'll say it?"

She let his blue eyes penetrate hers for a few moments before she pulled her face from his grasp.

"Don't-" She looked away panicked, she couldn't hear it, not here, not tonight.

He watched the side of her face as she tried to control herself.

"Why?" He questioned bitterly his fists clenching by his sides. "Because you can't say it back?" His voice was a notch weaker and she felt a massive pang of guilt flood her body.

He was bang on the money. God knows she couldn't say that to him, not in words. She had to move then, she had to stop this before it got any further out of control.

"We can't do this," she concluded attempting to push past him and to the door but he stood in her path.

"Can't do what? What are we doing? Is it that god damn hard for you to admit that you care about someone? What are you so afraid of?"

_Losing you._

"I'm not your partner, I'm not married, we're barely talking at this point, what have you got to lose?" He kept firing at her.

_Everything._

Her head was spinning and she felt dizzy. She couldn't answer him, how could she tell him that the thought of losing him after being with him like that would hurt a million times more than walking away right now. He could see in her eyes she wasn't going to answer him so he switched gears.

"You said it yourself, you need me," he reminded her as if it would trigger a memory from that night in the locker room and how unrestrained she had been.

That made her respond.

"Sleeping with you would be the easy part Elliot."

Just verbalising the prospect made her shake. She hoped she wouldn't have to fill in the blanks for him, that he would understand that she couldn't give him anything beyond sex.

"You think I can just walk away afterwards..." he let his words trail off.

She didn't respond to him but her face said it all. It wasn't that much of a stretch. She'd lived a lifetime of people coming and going in her life. No stability, no commitment, no trust.

_Maybe she'd walk first._

Her expression must have been devoid of emotion because it looked like she'd just turned his world upside down.

He spoke almost through gritted teeth. "You trusted me when I was your partner, why can't you trust me now?" 

_This is different._

His voice had gotten weaker by the second and she didn't want to stand there and watch him crumble, she couldn't take it.

"Ask me why my marriage failed," he demanded he was changing the subject like he was channel surfing, trying every which way to get her to respond to him.

"You don't think your name came up?" he said with a little too much anger.

That riled her.

"Are you really going to blame me for your divorce?" Her words were bitter, her eyes narrowing.

She had always been supportive as hell and he knew it.

"I'm not blaming you, I'm not saying you were _the reason_, but you were a contributing factor. Kathy knows it."

She closed her eyes. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't need this, to hear how he'd discussed her at length with his wife. She suddenly felt betrayed, like she'd been spoken about behind her back and had been completely left out of the loop.

"My kid sent you an invitation to her 21st for crying out loud, they all know it." He amplified the argument.

Her eyes darted to the fridge, he must have seen it before when they were getting the pizza ready. She was still shaking and suddenly she felt extremely guilty.

"I never did anything to-"

"I know you didn't," he cut her off stepping closer. "You never so much as looked at me the wrong way. You followed the rule book like it was the damn bible."

That made her relax slightly, but he didn't let her stay comfortable for too long.

"But at some point just being you was enough."

Jesus Christ, she didn't pull her eyes off his for a second but they were welling up before his. What the hell had he just admitted to her? That his feelings weren't conjured up because she kissed him on a whim one night, they had been a long time building.

Then as if he was reading his mind he continued.

"Then that night, over there on your couch, you changed everything." His eyes pointed behind her at the couch and she swallowed. At any moment the liquid pooling in her eyes would escape down her cheeks and he'd see the weakness she couldn't hide.

She'd heard it in his words, it was probably unintentional but he'd shifted the blame back on her. She would take it.

Sucking in a breath she responded. "If I could take it back I would," she said quietly and she watched as his eyebrows drew together. She could see the disappointment at her admission, that she regretted everything that had happened since that night.

He looked angry. "So you'd rather live in denial." It was almost an insult.

_Yes._

Denial was easy, denial was familiar, she'd lived in denial from the day she laid eyes on the man. This truth however was unfamiliar territory, uncertain waters, consequentially hazardous and it was in no way worth the risk.

Her eyes were still brimming and she tried to will the tears back into her ducts as she mustered the confidence to respond.

"I screwed up," she said quietly her throat catching. "I crossed the line," she rightly assumed the responsibility.

"It cost me my partner and my best friend," she said slowly, "I'm done." She made it painfully clear she wasn't losing anything more.

"You're done?" He half laughed as if he didn't notice her clear state of anguish. "You get to decide just like that, you're done with me." His voice was loud and firm.

His eyes were probing hers now, daring her to finish him off. She tore her eyes away from his and concentrated on a tile behind him. She wouldn't break in front of him, she just couldn't. If she didn't look at him maybe she could will the tears to retreat but he was stepping closer to her, determined to get her eye contact back.

"I may not be your partner or your best friend but damn it I'm still here, and I'm telling you that I... that I-"

Her eyes whipped immediately back to his. "Don't you dare say it." Her voice was firm, her words pleading with him to stop the admission.

His hand moved then to the back of her head, pulling her mouth up to his, his lips crashed against hers. She went to fight it, opening her mouth to protest but he used the opportunity to pull her lower lip between his. Her words muffled against his mouth.

She felt the tears she had been trying to hold back for so long spill down the sides of her cheek as he kissed her hard. Her stomach was into her throat and she did everything in her power not to sob into his mouth.

His hand that was framing her cheek must have felt the residue from her eyes, even she could taste the salt of her tears that had trailed between their lips but he didn't seem fazed by her state of upset. He was in no hurry to release her, instead he opened her mouth with his and let his tongue slide in, she made a noise that was half in pleasure, half in pain.

She was done fighting him, fuck it. Her tongue slid into meet his and he moaned into her mouth at her sudden compliance. She let her arms snake around his neck and drew her body into his. Her breasts crashed against his chest and she was suddenly so desperate for him to touch her, anywhere on her body. If he would just slide them down over her shoulders, her back, her waist, her hips, over her ass, pulling her into his hard on. But his hands remained stubbornly in her hair.

God she had sworn to herself she wouldn't let him get close to her tonight. From the moment she opened her door she had her guard up and now he'd completely shattered it into oblivion. This was so painfully wrong, she knew come tomorrow there would be nothing but regrets but the feel of his lips on hers after this long was too much to fight.

He grabbed at her arms then, pulling them from around his neck her lips leaving his in an instant and she was left wanting more. She was panting her chest rising with each rapid intake of breath and he was holding her just far enough away so their bodies no longer touched. His grip on her upper arms remained as his ragged breath heated her face.

His deep blue eyes kept her captive, his eyes dipped to her swollen lips for a short moment before returning to her gaze. As he made motions to speak, her stomach twirled at the possibility of what he would say to her.

"Tell me you love me."

Her eyes widened and she nearly choked on the air she suddenly couldn't inhale. He pre-empted her resistance and held his grip tight as she tried to wrench away from him. She twisted against him frantically wanting to get away from him as if she were physically fighting his words, his unfair demand, his subtle confession.

Her tears had long since dried on her face but new ones were threatening to budge at any minute.

"Let go of me, you son of a..." Her words trailed off because she couldn't breathe, her heart was racing, her throat was contracting and his possessiveness was physically stifling.

She managed to get an arm free from his grasp and launched instantly hitting the side of his face hard and deliberate. There was no holding back in her swing. The noise vibrated against the kitchen tiles.

He released her instantly stumbling back at the impact. He grabbed his face to suppress the pain she'd just caused and it hit her in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know whether to feel guilty or satisfied with what she'd done. Their breathing was uneven and came out in short bursts as if they'd both just returned from a run.

She was shaking now and she felt raw, she licked her swollen lips and tried to ignore the fact that she could taste him on her. He was watching her intently as if trying to figure out what the hell to do with her now. She saw the redness of her handprint forming on her cheek and she exhaled heavily, dispelling the guilt.

She could see he was internally fighting with the next words he would say to her, his eyes moving across hers rapidly from side to side. She heard the wild debate of what he would say or do next. She couldn't break the eye contact if she tried.

Something in Elliot's eyes won over, and she could see he'd finally decided his next move. The first thing he did was break the eye contact that bound them together, the second thing he did was walk away from her and head towards her door.

Something inside her must have died because no words cut so much deeper than a bitter insult, or a painful goodbye. No words meant he was now done with _her_.

Two words sat ripe on her tongue and her heart raced overtime at the thought of vocalising them.

_Don't go._

She had to say it, she had to fucking say it now or she'd lose him forever.

_Don't go. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go._

His hand twisted her doorknob, he opened the door and she knew then with a pang that hit her hard in the gut that she wasn't going to say it. If she couldn't tell him she loved him, then she didn't deserve the right to make him stay.

He didn't look back at her, and hesitated only moments before walking out of her apartment and out of her life.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

I still don't know what to say - your reviews are freaking amazing. Your words are beyond kind and each time I see a review has been left I get that fluttering feeling in my stomach like I'm about to be sick. I know this story has been a bit of a mind f**k and I hope you all haven't gone slowly mad with all the hot/cold ups and downs (aka Chutes and Ladders) but after 12 years I just don't see it being an easy ride for those two. Regardless hopefully this chapter will leave a sweeter taste on your tongue. Oh and I own no one particularly the lyrics to 'wake me up before you go go' those are Wham's.

**Chapter 7**

He'd thought about death many times in his life.

How would it end?

A bullet.

A knife.

A heart attack.

Drowning.

Smoke inhalation.

Burning alive.

Smothered in his sleep.

Car accident.

He never thought however that death could be caused by just the thought of a person, but he concluded that evening that she would be the death of him.

Somehow in some way she would end up killing him.

He was stupid to have gone to her like that after so long. Three months separating them and he turns up unannounced expecting her to be ecstatic at his presence.

He'd opened up more than he expected to and had wanted to, he had done it out of sheer fear and desperation. He couldn't live another three months with thoughts of her refusing to leave him alone even in his sleep.

He wasn't her partner, he no longer wore his wedding ring. There was nothing standing in their way and the thought of that scared him. He always took comfort in the fact that there were barriers between them forcing distance but now they were gone and she couldn't be further from his reach.

She had been scared, petrified of what he wanted from her. He had seen the agony in her eyes when she realised she couldn't give it to him.

_Let me love you Olivia it's not going to kill you._

But it would kill him.

He'd pushed her so far she'd cried, such a rare sight that it made him feel like a prick. He had no idea what was behind those tears, fear, regret, love? Then she slapped him so hard it rattled him. The pain behind that release as she slugged him was overbearing, years of pent up frustration.

He didn't know how things would ever return to any semblance of normalcy between them or when he'd even see her again because there was no way he was going back after that. The ball was officially in her court which meant pretty much hell would have to freeze over before she came to him.

He was standing in Kathy's kitchen with a beer in hand staring at the party invitation on her fridge. His daughter was 21 today. He thought about the invitation on Olivia's fridge and it angered him that she displayed it when she had no intension of coming. He closed his eyes he needed to forget Olivia for one night, one goddamn night so he could feel like a decent human being again. A decent father.

"Dad can you get the door?" Kathleen yelled from the living room snapping him out of his thoughts. She'd taken the presents she'd just received and was adding them to the pile.

Elliot made motions to head towards the door when Kathy stopped him.

"I'll get it, you get the food in the oven," she told him in a rush, quickly making her way to the door.

The party was in full swing with majority of the guests in the backyard and Elliot could hear the lively music and laughter filtering through the backdoor. A second tray of party food was ready to serve, the first batch had disappeared in a second. Kathy was finding her hostess role a little stressful and he felt guilty for not being as helpful as he should be.

He other things on his mind.

He opened the oven door and took out the tray with a handtowel, placing it on top of the stove. He reached for the platter Kathy had set aside and began pushing the chicken wings onto the platter with his fingers. The heat pricked his skin so he ended up shaking the tray until they all fell messily onto the platter, some falling onto the kitchen bench and one hitting the floor.

He could hear voices from the door as Kathy was bringing in what had to be the final guests. He picked up the wing from the floor and tossed it into the sink. He threw the other wayward wings from the bench onto the platter and turned around just in time to see the guest that had just entered. He nearly dropped the plate.

Olivia.

Olivia dressed in a simple black dress that didn't look so simple against her curves. She was shaking off her coat in front of him, mid conversation with Kathy when she finally looked over at him. She gave him the makings of a subtle smile as if it were years ago and the past few months hadn't occurred.

"Hey," she gave him casually and his eyes darted from Olivia to Kathy and then back again. They were both smiling at him as if they knew something he didn't. It made him uneasy.

"Elliot that platter looks like a train wreck." Kathy noticed the pile of scattered wings that practically looked scrambled.

She stepped forward and started rearranging them so they weren't all in a heap. Kathy's head was bowed and Elliot's line of sight moved over to Olivia capturing her eye contact, he was silently questioning her presence with a look as if he expected her to respond to him without words. She just gave him an insignificant smile before looking away.

"Ok," Kathy sighed when she was happy with their positioning. "Now make yourself useful and get them out there."

He hesitated for a moment, he didn't want to leave just yet. Olivia had just arrived and he needed answers. He realised however that there was no getting out of this task Kathy had just asked of him without sounding like an ass. He cleared his throat before he disappeared out the backdoor.

He couldn't believe she was here. No warning, nothing, they weren't even on speaking terms. He walked the platter around the party offering the chicken wings to Kathleen's friends. When nearly two thirds were eaten he put the plate down on a nearby table and made his way back inside. He didn't want to think about what his ex-wife and Olivia had been discussing in his absence.

As he entered the kitchen Olivia was laughing at something Kathy had said, it was a strong laugh that he hadn't heard in sometime. He wondered why he couldn't seem to make her laugh like that anymore.

Kathy was madly spilling more frozen food onto the oven tray and he noticed Olivia had a glass of champagne in her hands. It seemed out of place. He watched her sip at the bubbly liquid as he rounded into the kitchen to help Kathy with the tray.

"I'll do this," he told her. "You go enjoy the party."

What he really wanted was to get Olivia alone and he was as subtle as a flying brick. He didn't care, he needed to know what the hell she was doing here.

"Ok but make sure he doesn't dilly-dally," Kathy shot Olivia a look. "There are starving people out there."

"Don't worry, I'll supervise," Olivia told her with a small laugh and Kathy was already running out to join the festivities.

He felt her eyes on him as he moved the food so it all fit onto one layer. The music outside was now just a dull vibration with the door closed, he almost wished it were louder to drown out the tension.

_Supervise my ass._

Like he couldn't manage to put a tray of frozen food in an oven.

He slid the tray into the oven and when he turned she'd stepped slightly closer, reaching for a chip from the bowl on the bench. She dunked it into the dip and took a bite, a cracking noise erupting through the kitchen.

Her eyebrows raised in delight. "Mmmm this is good. Did Kathy make it?" she said in between chewing.

What the hell was going on? Who was this carefree Olivia who had just swanned in here with smiles brimming?

"What are you doing here?" He hadn't meant for it to come out as accusation.

She was drawing the glass up to her lips again and didn't seem too fazed by his tone.

"I was invited," she said casually as if that would be enough of an explanation.

His mouth made motions to respond but he wasn't sure exactly what words he should produce to push the fact that she shouldn't be here. It didn't matter because the screen door from the backyard was opening.

"Ah you must be the infamous Olivia." A voice boomed from behind Elliot and he watched Olivia's eyes move across to the person approaching.

"That's right, and who might you be?" Olivia's words were full of surprise and intrigue.

Elliot turned to see who the invader was.

"Bryan." He extended his hand and shook hers heartily. He watched as his ex-wife's boyfriend shook his ex-partners hand.

Elliot saw the slight confusion in her eyes as she tried to figure out how this person knew of her.

"Kathy's partner," Bryan cleared up the question in her eyes.

Elliot shifted at his words. He had suddenly gone from Kathy's boyfriend to Kathy's partner somewhere along the way but it didn't matter, all that mattered was how Olivia was reacting to this information.

"Right." She nodded with a smile, slightly taken aback. "Well it's nice to meet you." She finally slid her hand out of his grasp.

Elliot reached for his beer and managed a sip.

"Kathy's asking for you out there Elliot," Bryan informed him and the bottle halted at his lips.

He wasn't sure if it bothered him more having to leave his conversation with Olivia or having to leave Olivia with him. He took his beer with him and walked out to the backyard without so much as a word.

"Kath." He came up behind her. "What do you need?" He was wasting no time.

Kathy was holding a platter of food in front of a group of teenagers.

"The punch is getting low and Kathleen wants to get the dance floor started and no one's dancing," Kathy told him over her shoulder.

Elliot nearly laughed. "Ok so what exactly can I do about that?"

"There's ingredients in the fridge for more punch and I don't know, try and encourage people to get out there?" she said frazzled.

Elliot took a deep breath before releasing it, how on earth could he encourage a bunch of teenagers to start dancing? He would start with the punch. At least that way he could check in on Olivia and Bryan.

He had grabbed the punch bowl and headed back to the kitchen. As he entered he realised with a sharp intake of breath that they were both nowhere to be seen. He swallowed, trying to ignore the questions fillings his mind.

Did Olivia go home?

Had she gone out into the party without him seeing?

Did Olivia and Bryan go somewhere together?

He started pulling out the juices, wine and spirits for the punch concoction and began pouring them into the bowl. He had watched Kathy mix it earlier so he was vaguely aware of what was to be included. There had been cut up slices of orange throughout the first batch but the remaining dregs at the bottom would have to do. He wanted to get this punch back out there and to find Olivia as soon as possible. He put a generous amount of ice into the mix in an effort to not only chill it but also to water it down. He didn't want to have a bunch of out of control wasted teenagers on his hands, or Kathleen for that matter. He stirred the mixture with a spoon and then took the bowl out into the yard.

He scanned the perimeters for Olivia but all he found were rowdy teenagers and a group of Kathy's friends. He was praying she hadn't gone home.

"Mr Stabler, awesome party," a boy from Kathleen's grade called out to him. Elliot gave him a polite smile and continued walking.

He saw Kathy from afar talking to the DJ. Probably in an effort to get him to play something the kids would dance to. He noticed the dance floor was still empty, but short from paying the kids to dance he wasn't sure how he was supposed to get it started.

As he re-entered the kitchen he noticed the door to the basement cellar was slightly ajar. His mind swooned at the possibilities of what on earth she could be doing in there. What _they_ could be doing in there.

He pulled the door open and quietly made his way down the steps, careful not to announce his presence with his footsteps.

He heard voices that weren't quite whispers but were definitely making a conscious effort not to be heard. He was half way down the stairs when he saw them, talking in hushed tones, she was holding a bottle of wine and he was standing way to close to her for his liking.

He tried to strain to hear what they were saying but they were being too quiet. At first they looked like they were discussing something serious but then he saw Olivia break out into a wide smile that reached her eyes.

He cleared his throat to announce his presence and both of them turned. Elliot eyes didn't leave hers as he continued his decent down the stairs.

"What's going on?" he asked with a little too much accusation in his voice.

"We were just getting some more wine for the party," Bryan explained.

"Great," he moved forward and took the bottle of wine from Olivia's grasp. "How about you take that up for us?"

He handed the bottle to Bryan who was doing his best to hold back a smile. Elliot watched as he looked over at Olivia and Bryan raised his eyebrows.

"See," Bryan told her knowingly. "What did I tell you?"

Olivia was failing to hold back a smile.

"Someone wanna to fill me in here?" Elliot was losing his patience.

Bryan didn't waste any time moving towards the stairs. "I'm gonna head back up and help Kathy."

His gaze moved back to Olivia's and realised she was attempting to follow Bryan's path. He reached out and grasped her upper arm gently halting her movements. When she stood still his hand fell away slowly.

"Wanna tell me what that was all about?" he said slowly.

She gave him a relaxed smile. "Not particularly."

She was acting carefree and almost flirtatious. It was pissing him off.

"What were you talking about?" he tried again and his desperation was evident.

She waited a few beats before she responded. "It's personal," she told him casually.

His eyes widened at her response and he removed the step between them, his body drawing his body closer to hers.

"Ten minutes with you and he gets personal?" he said in disbelief. "Twelve years with me and what do I get?"

He could tell by the relaxed way she watched him that she wasn't going to tell him. She attempted to walk past him again but he reached out and grasped her arm again, not willing to give in.

Her lips parted. "Maybe because he didn't manhandle the answers out of me," she said in warning, indicating his hold on her arm.

He dropped his hand from her quickly and she looked at him for a few agonising moments before she moved towards the stairs.

His heart sunk at her words, he had stuffed up again and she was leaving.

"Where are you going?" he asked trying to conceal his disappointment.

"Back to the party," she said as if it had been obvious.

He was still facing the wall and her answer shocked him. He made a note not to touch her again tonight unless she initiated it.

"You coming?" she asked casually.

He was in awe at the relaxed invitation. Not only was she not fleeing at the first sign of trouble but she was asking him to join her upstairs with his entire family. The woman was insane.

"I'll be right up."

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

When he finally got the nerve to return to the party the kitchen was deserted and Olivia was nowhere to be seen.

He should put a bell on the woman.

As he stepped out into the backyard he noticed her straight away talking to Kathy near the punch bowl holding her glass of champagne.

It was an amazing sight to watch Olivia when she didn't know he was there. She was so carefree and relaxed in front of everyone but him. He used to catch glimpses of her at the station when she didn't know he was looking, chewing on the end of a pencil, mindlessly playing with her bottom lip and he'd find himself just gazing at her like an idiot.

This was one of those moments.

"Dad." Kathleen's voice pulled him out of his trace. He turned around to see his daughter stalking towards her with a pained expression.

"What is it honey?" he asked her concerned.

"No one's dancing, this is a disaster." She gave him a look of seriousness he'd seen on her mothers face countless times.

"Sweetie, it's not the end of the world," he tried but she wasn't buying it.

"No Dad, do something." She looked around worriedly.

"What do you want me to do start a conga line?" He let out a small laugh at how absurd her demand was.

She scoffed and made a beeline straight to Kathy and Olivia. He watched as she relayed her distress to them, most likely telling them how useless her father had been. Kathleen was pointing to Elliot and they both looked over at him. He just threw his arms up in defence.

He watched then as Olivia stepped away from the scene. At first he thought she was going to remove herself from their family debacle but she was heading towards a group of guys from Kathleen's school. She had approached them and after a few moments of back and forth discussion, Olivia began motioning to the dance floor.

Elliot bit into his lip.

_What the hell was she doing?_

Then she began pointing to a group of girls that were gossiping in the corner and the boys were looking back and forth between the group of girls and Olivia.

Moments later he watched as the guys made their way over to the group of girls and Olivia was walking away. She headed to the table with the punch and grabbed a beer out of the bucket of ice. Then she then made her way over to where he was standing. He could tell she was struggling slightly with her heals in the grass and the two drinks in her hands.

He was smiling at her, probably still looking like a complete idiot but he didn't care. She held out the drenched beer for him and he took it appreciatively. Her eyes motioned to the dance floor and Elliot looked over just in time to catch the group of guys and girls starting to dance. He turned back to her looking very proud of herself. He shook his head.

"Seriously?" He couldn't get the damn smile off his face. "How did you..." his words trailed off.

She just shrugged as if it had been nothing and took a sip of champagne.

"Kathleen!" The girls shrieked from the dance floor. Olivia turned around to see Kathleen racing onto the dance floor to her friends.

"Thank you," Elliot said to the side of her face and her eyes flicked back to his.

"No problem," she said with a smile.

He took a sip of the fresh beer Olivia had given him and it felt good.

"What's with the champagne?" he asked still curious as to why she would opt for champagne over beer.

She considered the glass in her hands and gave him a look unsure.

"I don't know, I just felt like something different."

He was reading into her words trying to figure out if there was a hidden meaning among them, she was certainly acting different. He considered the stigma of champagne and how just two glasses made Kathy tipsy. He wondered what affect the champagne was having on Olivia because he had never seen her so relaxed. Maybe it wasn't the champagne, maybe it had been whatever Bryan had said to her. He wanted to bring it up again but knew it would only dampen this strangely pleasant mood between them.

A familiar song came on and the group of girls began shrieking in the corner, jumping up and down, yelling the lyrics loudly. He smiled at how much happier Kathleen looked.

He felt Olivia's eyes on him and he enjoyed the feeling of her watching him, he didn't turn to capture her eye contact just yet and let it linger.

"Want to dance?" she said quietly, almost awkwardly and it felt ridiculously out of place.

He laughed out loud and regained her eye contact.

"Alright, no more of this for you," he joked attempting to grab her glass.

She held it away with a brief smile and he noticed she looked a little off at his refusal.

"Kathleen asked me to ask you," she gave him the excuse and watched the hint of colour fill her cheeks.

He'd never seen her like this and it was memorising. He thought about calling her out on blushing but thought better of it.

He dragged his beer up to his lips attempting to stifle his smile.

A few moments passed before she spoke again.

"Why didn't you tell me about Bryan?" Olivia's changed gears suddenly and his smile faded.

He wasn't sure exactly what she was referring to but didn't like where this was heading.

"In Miami, why didn't you tell me it was Bryan's ticket?" He watched as her almond eyes questioned him curiously.

"Would it have mattered?" He didn't see the relevance and he didn't want to talk about it.

She looked a little hesitant now, unsure of whether she should have brought it up, he was waiting for her to respond when finally she continued.

"You just made it seem like.." Her words trailed off as did her eyes. She stopped talking now and he could see in her expression she wasn't going to continue.

"Forget it."

He exhaled sharply. "I told you it wasn't like that."

She nodded biting into her lip. "Ok."

The air between them was suddenly thick and it made him nervous.

"Bryan tell you?" He felt his grip around the bottle began to tighten.

"No," she said slowly. "Fin."

He registered her answer and he was annoyed. He didn't like the sudden mood change, he wanted carefree flirty Olivia to come back and talk about champagne and dance floors.

Not this.

"Did you want me to think otherwise?" Olivia spoke quietly.

His jaw clicked and he continued to look straight ahead.

"Maybe as a way of creating distance," she pressed.

Elliot rubbed his face. "What are you talking about?"

She looked across at him then and he could tell she was done with this conversation too.

"Nevermind," she shook her head in a scattered fashion. "I'm going to get a refill."

She was off then and he was dumbfounded. He wasn't used to the questions, the honesty and the constructive conversation.

She was pouring herself another glass and he came up behind her.

"What did you want me to say Liv? Kathy's got a boyfriend now so you don't have to feel guilty about having feelings for me?"

She slammed the bottle on the table, swung around and moved in close.

"Would you keep your voice down." She looked around panicked that someone had overheard him.

"Is that why you've been holding back?" He pushed a little annoyed, his voice slightly lower.

"Look, it's fine," she tried to bring the seriousness down a notch, "there have just been a few blanks that should have been filled in earlier." 

"A _few_ blanks?" He questioned in surprise. "What else?"

"El, can we talk about this later please," she stressed, looking around anxiously.

The music was loud but so was Elliot.

"Bryan's been filling in these blanks I take it?" He was furious. "What the hell did he say to you?"

Olivia scratched her temple with her knuckle. "Elliot-"

He could feel someone approaching them in a hurry.

"Olivia, thank you, thank you, thank you." Kathleen's voice broke through the tension.

Olivia turned to his daughter with a smile. "No problem sweetie."

Elliot looked towards the dance floor which had since expanded and noticed with a little surprise that Kathy and Bryan were among them.

"Yeah Dad's words of wisdom was to start a conga line," Kathleen said rolling her eyes.

Olivia laughed outwardly and the sound vibrated through him. He watched as her eyes made it to his and she was shaking her head.

"Hey," he piped in defensively with a smile. "It could have worked."

"Meanwhile," Kathleen turned her attention back to Olivia. "What happened to my request?"

Olivia held up her hands in defence. "I tried, I did. It was a no."

"What was a no?" Elliot piped in.

"Your daughter's one birthday wish," Kathleen dramatized. "That you dance with Olivia."

Elliot looked over at Olivia and she confirmed Kathleen's statement with a shrug.

"You said no," she reminded him playfully.

"It's still a no," he laughed before they got any ideas. There was no way he was getting on that dance floor at a kids party, especially with Olivia.

"Dad you're going to deny your favourite daughters 21st birthday wish?" She looked as if she'd just been grounded. "Next song and you're out there," she told him defiant.

Before Elliot had a chance to rebut Kathleen was running back to her friends and he was shaking his head.

"Not happening," he said to no one in particular taking a large swig of his beer at just the thought.

"You think I want to get out there?" She was nearly laughing again. "God no."

"Well I didn't see you putting up much of a fight," he pointed out stifling a smile.

She sipped her champagne again.

"How am I supposed to say no to your daughter on her birthday?"

He eyes were focused on the dance floor and he could feel the beer starting to seep into his system. Without another thought he tilted his head so he was whispering in her ear.

"Admit it, you just want an excuse to touch me."

He watched her react to his words, he could see she the blush spreading through her cheeks.

She surprised him by reaching out and grasping his forearm and turning her head so she was now whispering in his ear. She let her lips graze his ear as she spoke.

"I don't need an excuse."

His heart rate began to incline and he felt giddy. He'd never experienced her being this forward and open, he wanted so badly to just grab her right there and force her mouth open with his.

He heard the next song vibrate through the yard and closed his eyes.

_Jitterbug._

This was it.

He grasped her champagne glass and placed it on a table nearby with his beer. She was still trying to figure out why her drink had suddenly been hijacked when his hand captured hers and he was pulling her towards the music.

She was doing her best to match his pace, her heals sinking into the grass proved difficult but he pulled her along side with a good stride.

As they made it to the dance floor he realised he was still holding her hand, it felt strange their palms flattened together, their fingers interlocked. He'd expected her to have pulled her hand away by now but she was standing there holding his hand, waiting for him to take the lead. His family were only a few feet away and he had never seen Olivia looking more relaxed.

He reached for her other hand then and pulled her into his chest.

_You put the boom-boom into my heart_

_You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts_

She felt warm against his chest and he moved them to match the fast rhythm of the song, one hand around her lower back, the other still intertwined with hers.

_Wake me up before you go-go  
>Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo<em>

They didn't do this. This was not them and by the look on her face Olivia was thinking the exact same thing. He felt like this was right out of some corny movie but he couldn't take the damn smile off his face.

They were close, he was holding her tightly against his chest, he could smell her shampoo and that mixed with the close proximity was making him lightheaded.

_Wake me up before you go-go  
>'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo<em>

Her hand was gripping his shoulder for support but he was moving her so fast that she slid it further around his neck to get a better grip. As a result her face moved closer and he tried desperately to keep his cool.

If the song wasn't so boppy he would have felt being this close to her in front of everyone would be inappropriate. Her breasts were meshed against his chest and every so often he felt her thigh graze against him.

_Come on, baby, let's not fight  
>We'll go dancing, everything will be all right<em>

He grabbed her arm then from around his neck and holding both her hands he moved her outward to the music. Anything to get her warm body away from his at that point because he couldn't do this in front of his family. It would have appeared innocent from their prospective but the thoughts he was having right now were far from appropriate.

_It's cold out there, but it's warm in bed  
>They can dance, we'll stay home instead<em>

The lyrics resonated. It _was_ cold out here and the thought of being in a warm bed with Olivia right now sounded like heaven.

_Jesus Christ._

She was just dancing with him, that was it. What's more she was only dancing with him because his daughter guilt tripped her into it. He couldn't think about Olivia in bed right now.

_I don't need an excuse to touch you._

Damn he wanted her. He pulled her into him again, they'd spent a decent amount of time at arms length and he was going to feel her against him if only briefly. She wasn't expecting it and crashed against him falling forward a little, her cheek brushing his and her thigh falling smoothly between his legs. His mouth opened.

She was struggling to regain her footing when he grasped her waist, moving her off his lower half quickly. He moved forward to whisper in her ear because he knew no one would hear over the music.

"Jesus Liv, you trying to kill me?" His words were breathless.

_I don't want to miss it when you hit that high._

She regained her bearings and pulled away from him then, stepping back a little. Her arm left its place around his neck. She looked around subtly to see if anyone had been watching. When her eyes made their way back to his it looked like she'd just snapped out of a trance and was wondering where the hell she was and what she was doing.

He felt it, she was slowly distancing herself at the realisation of what was happening. It was processing, the touching, the dancing, the party, his daughter's party, his wife's house, his family home. He could see the cogs turning at a hundred miles per hour.

At any moment now she was going to run for the door.

"You ok?" He mouthed against the music but he knew she wasn't. He lost her eye contact and watched as she looked over at the sliding door as if she was planning her getaway.

_Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo_

Solo.

Solo was Olivia's bloody middle name. He was silently begging her not to run. Not again, not tonight, please not now.

She pointed to the door indicating to him without words that she was heading towards it. She didn't need to spell it out to him, he got it loud and clear.

His expression must have been of disappointment now because his stupid goofy smile had long since faded.

He watched her leave the dance floor and head towards the sliding door. He could have followed her but he saw little point. He didn't want to hear the barrage of excuses she'd give him for not being able to stick around. What's more he'd probably say something he'd regret.

When she left him alone on the dance floor he suddenly felt on display.

_Boom, boom, boom, boom._

"Dad." Kathleen called out from where her friends stood. He looked over at her and she was moving towards him, dancing to the beat in her pursuit. He couldn't help but smile at the sight. It had been so long since he'd seen her so happy and she deserved it, tonight of all nights. As Kathleen drew close he bent down to hear what she had come over to say.

"Follow her," she told him to his bowed head.

His eyes flicked to hers, he was shocked at what his daughter had just said. He opened his mouth to respond but he had no idea what he was supposed to say that. His daughter knew, she could see it a mile away and what's more she was encouraging him.

He panicked for a response but she saved him of having to do so.

"I want you to be happy Dad." She gave him a small smile all the while retaining his eye contact.

He was floored. His 21 year old daughter had matured more than he could have imagined and as daunting and inappropriate as their topic of conversation was he couldn't help but be proud of her.

He pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her shoulder gently. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he was surprised that she was letting him hug her in front of all of her friends. He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes.

"Happy Birthday baby," he said into her hair.

She waited a few beats before pulling out of the embrace. She gave him a hearty smile before running back to her friends.

He noticed Kathy and Bryan were still dancing as the song faded into the next. They didn't see him watching them but Elliot was smiling at the sight. He didn't know whether to feel anger or gratitude towards Bryan for speaking to Olivia behind his back, on one hand it had managed to open her up but on the other she still wasn't by his side.

_Follow her._

He headed to the house quickly, passing through the crowd of people and through the sliding door. He moved through the empty kitchen and made a beeline for the front door. He pulled it open half expecting to see her disappearing into a cab but as he scanned the front yard he only saw a couple of Kathleen's friends standing by the front gate.

He walked out further leaving the front door open and made his way slowly down a couple of steps before stopping. He peered down the street to see if there was any indication that she had just left.

He felt an overwhelming sense of loss, like he was sinking. He was too late, she'd shut down yet again and left him in this limbo for lord knows how long.

Some moments didn't feel like a step back, they felt like a mile.

He considered approaching Kathleen's friends by the gate and asking them if they saw her leave but he realised how stupid that would sound.

_Did you see a woman in a black dress hightailing it out of here?_

He chewed on his bottom lip, his hand was in his pocket fingering his phone. He could call her he considered but he wondered if she'd even answer him.

He heard movement behind him.

"You thinking of doing a runner?" Her voice made him jump and turn suddenly.

Olivia was standing there, the flicker of his porch light making the highlights in her hair dance.

He tried not to let the sheer elation show at the fact that she hadn't gone.

"No I-" he started. 

"Thought I'd left?" She guessed with a soft smile, moving slowly down the steps to where he stood.

He scratched his cheek a little nervously.

_Can you blame me?  
><em>

"Where did you go?" He asked curiously.

"Bathroom," she told him quietly, her eyes wondering over to Kathleen's friends at the gate.

He nodded, she'd probably decided their public display was getting too much and made the executive decision to disappear to the ladies. A good excuse to cut their dance sort he realised and was quite pleased.

"But," she started still looking away. "I should go soon." She let out in a breath as if she was bracing herself for a reaction.

He just looked at her, softness in his eyes.

"Don't." It was a gentle plea.

"El," she stepped forward half a step. "You have to admit," she began, "this is weird."

He looked away from her then.

_Here we go._

"I mean out there, that was…" She let her words travel off in oblivion as he concentrated on his shoes.

"I shouldn't be here," she concluded finally with a sigh.

"Then why did you come?" He didn't bother hiding the accusation from his voice as his eyes shot to hers.

He kicked himself, if she had been debating whether or not to stay he'd just made the decision for her.

"I shouldn't have," she told him dragging her bottom lip between hers.

She kept telling him she shouldn't be here, that she should go, that she never should have come but she was still standing there. She looked conflicted and unsure and if he didn't have so much anger pumping through his veins right now he would have reached out and pulled her into a hug.

He straightened his back.

"Fine, then go," he said the bitter words praying that she wouldn't comply. She hadn't left yet and there was a good chance she wouldn't go, even if he told her to.

It worked and she stepped forward. "Do you realise how hard it was for me to come here tonight?" she said in a strained whisper in case anyone was around to overhear her.

"I'm trying Elliot," she gave him, her voice shaking from either the sheer tension or the cold. "But this isn't easy," she said rubbing the back of her neck. "Your family-"

"Kathleen told me to follow you," he told her in a strained whisper.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion waiting for him to elaborate.

"You walked away, she told me to follow you, she insisted we dance, she invited you to the biggest night of her life. She likes you Olivia and she knows that I-" He stopped himself then, realising just what he was about to say. If he wanted her not to run right now he couldn't finish that sentence. Not outside his family home on his god damn porch.

"She knows." He left it at that and watched the silent debate in her head draw to an end.

"I'll stay," she said softly.

Those two words took him by surprise but he simply nodded, maintaining a neutral expression. Just because she said she would stay didn't mean she wouldn't change her mind in 5 minutes.

"Ok," he said coolly and turned then to head back into the house before she changed her mind. He took a couple of steps before she stopped him with her words.

"I'll stay until you're ready to go," she told him to his back and he turned around trying to stop the smile from forming.

"And then?" He couldn't hold the intrigue from his question.

"And then - we'll go," she said as if it were obvious. He had no idea if that meant in separate cabs, sharing a cab or otherwise but he was damned curious.

_Then we'll go. _

_We, not I._

He wondered how she got here tonight, it must have been in a cab because he hadn't seen her car outside and she'd had a few too many champagnes to drive at that point. He'd had a few too many beers so he would insist they share a cab together. That way he could have a few moments alone with Olivia that he'd craved all night.

He held out his hand motioning for her to take the lead in front of him, his eyes slipped down her body in her pursuit. The sudden realisation dawned on him, now he no longer wanted her to stay.

He wanted them to go.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

An hour must have passed by now, he wasn't sure. He couldn't remember the exact timeline from tonight, all he knew was that he was ready for it to end.

He had been ready for it to end the moment she told him she'd go home with him.

He'd seen her talking to Kathy and Bryan for a while out the back but he found her in the kitchen stacking dirty plates into the dishwasher. He raised his eyebrows at the sight of her when he came through the sliding door. She looked so domestic, yet she was cleaning in a cocktail dress and heals.

As she bent down to put an empty platter in the machine he copped an eyeful of her cleavage. He let his eyes linger for a brief moment before dragging them away. He needed to get his mind out of the gutter.

"Liv, you don't have to do that," he told her moving forward and taking the plate near the sink before she could reach and it stacked it himself.

"It's fine, I'm happy to," she told him taking another plate and sliding it in behind the others. They continued to stack the dishwasher together, clearing a good amount of space off the kitchen bench so it no longer looked like a bomb had hit it.

They reached for the same plate at the same time and he was suddenly picturing them living together, stacking the dishes after they'd finished dinner. Just the thought of it seemed beyond unattainable but he let the fantasy linger a moment longer.

"What?" Olivia said uneasily and he realised he was staring at her.

"Nothing." He bowed his head, letting her seize the plate between them.

Instead he began gathering up the plastic cups, paper plates and some scattered bottle tops, dragging them into the bin.

The kitchen was nearly spotless and he watched her get out some spray and a cloth and wipe down the sticky residue that marked the bench top. There was nothing left to do so he just watched her, trying not to linger on the way her upper arm muscles clenched as she wiped.

"I'm ready to go when you are," he told her quietly, nerves suddenly spreading through his body.

She didn't look up, just kept wiping until she got the last of it. She turned then and caught his eyes as she moved to the sink to rinse out the cloth.

"Moments ago you were begging me to stay," she reminded him with a smile.

He scratched his top lip. "I wasn't begging you," he defended, crossing his arms across his chest in defence. "And it was more than moments ago."

She returned the spray to its spot under the sink and hung the rag neatly over the tap. He wondered if she was this tidy at home or if this was just her being the polite guest.

He'd seen her place looking less than spotless before so he assumed this was just well-mannered Olivia. She had a messy streak, he'd seen her desk some days, the state of her locker, the condition she'd leave the crib in, he bet she rarely made the bed. There were more important things in life.

"You said you'd stay until I was ready to go," he reminded her tossing her the hand towel so she could wipe her damp hands.

She caught the towel.

"And I'm ready to go," he told her matter-of-factly.

She dried her hands and stepped closer towards him, her eyes shooting over his shoulder momentarily checking they were alone. She was half a step in front of him when she spoke.

"What's the rush?" she asked in that breezy innocent way.

_She was good. Real good._

He noticed her lips had a smooth pink sheen of gloss that she must have reapplied recently because it twinkled under the kitchen lights. He wondered if she'd done that for him. He still had his arms crossed in front of him and he had a strong desire to drop his stance and drag those lips towards his.

He'd spent so long keeping his hands to himself tonight he needed to touch her again. He dropped his arms and moved suddenly his hand intent on smoothing over her cheek. She reared back before he got too close and he realised why when her eyes met with the sight of approaching company.

"Wow the kitchen looks immaculate." Kathy's voice made Elliot jump and he tried not to act like a deer caught in headlights.

He turned to see Kathy holding the cordless phone and walking towards them.

"Olivia I assume this was your doing?" she said with a smile and Elliot prayed she was talking about the kitchen being clean.

Olivia nodded a little too awkwardly. He was such an idiot, he couldn't have waited 5 minutes to get her alone in a cab. He had to ruin the moment and now she was probably right back to square one, petrified and ready to run.

"Well thank you, you really didn't have to," Kathy said with a smile.

He could hear in her voice she'd had a few wines tonight and he was pleased that at least she was enjoying herself through all the party chaos. She probably missed him reaching for Olivia altogether.

"My pleasure," Olivia told her fobbing off the compliment.

He was about to make a joke about his lack of domestic skills to lighten the mood when Olivia spoke.

"I was actually just saying to Elliot that I should probably get going," she chimed in and Elliot's hold on the bench tightened.

_I should get going. Not we._

"Oh ok," Kathy seemed a little surprised. "Do you want me to call you cab?" She raised the phone in her hand for emphasis. "I've just called a couple already for some of Kathleen's friends and there is a bit of a wait tonight." 

"Thanks, that would be great," Olivia smiled and Kathy began dialling the cab company, walking into the living room so she could hear.

Elliot tried to gain Olivia's eye contact the moment they were alone again but she was running her fingers across a small chip in the bench. She would have had felt his eyes on her but she wasn't budging.

Finally they moved hesitantly across to his.

"Well I should say goodbye," she said quickly and moved passed him. He let her go and rubbed his face the makings of a tension headache forming.

As much as the disappointment was stifling him could he really blame her? What did he expect? Did he really think he could just leave with Olivia? It was his kids 21st in his family home and it was inappropriate. That fact that she was even here was inappropriate.

"Kath," he called out from the kitchen. "Can you order me one too please?"

Kathy nodded continuing her conversation.

He moved then and went in search of Kathleen, he was going to say goodbye to his kids, go back to his hotel room, have a warm shower, maybe order some room service and watch TV.

He found Kathleen talking with her friends by the punchbowl, they were refilling their cups.

"Dad," she yelled out with a wide smile when she saw him. She must have had quite a bit to drink by now and it was starting to show.

"Hey sweetie, I'm gonna take off," he told her and he noticed her friends were looking at him strangely as if they'd just been talking about him before he approached.

"With Olivia?" she said with a mischievous smile, taking a sip from the cup she'd just filled.

A flush of anxiety flew through him and he was shocked at what his daughter was implying. He had to keep reminding himself that she had been drinking and wasn't thinking clearly.

"No Kathleen," he dragged her name like he used to when she acted up as a child.

He hated that now she was officially of legal age, he was even more powerless when it came to her infamous erratic behaviour. He had been so happy with how mature and carefree she had been towards him earlier in the night. He prayed she would take it easy and not go overboard tonight.

"Why not?" she shrugged her shoulders as if she'd expected otherwise. She almost looked disappointed.

He stepped forward taking the cup from her hands and subtly tipped the alcoholic punch he'd concocted earlier into the bush.

She screwed up her face in disapproval.

"Kathleen, it's not like that." He gave her a look insisting that she drop it, particularly considering her friends were listening to their conversation.

Her eyebrows drew together. "What's that river in Egypt?" she began, turning to her friends for support.

"De-Nile," she said smiling. "As in denial Dad." She laughed then as if she was the funniest person on the planet.

Elliot just looked at her deadpan.

"No more alcohol Kathleen," he demanded, turning his attention to her friends as if they would help him out. It was a lost cause.

"Oh ok Dad," she said with sarcasm and it cut into him. He picked up on her tone, he didn't have a say anymore when it came to what she did. He gave that up that right well before he left for Jersey. He sucked in a breath, there was no talking to his daughter tonight so he'd let it go.

"Good night Sweetie," he said softly, ending it on the calmest note he could manage.

He saw the flicker in her eyes at the acknowledgment that she had been out of line. Her mouth made motions to say something but she stopped herself and just smiled at him.

"Night Dad," she said with a hint of remorse and he returned her smile letting her know it was ok.

He turned then and made his way back to the house. When he only saw Kathy in the kitchen he felt a pang of disappointment that Olivia had most likely left.

"Hey," Elliot said depleted.

"Hey," Kathy returned.

"Did you order me a cab?" Elliot asked as he opened the draw to the bin and tossed in the red plastic cup he'd taken from Kathleen.

"No," Kathy said quietly.

Elliot's eyebrows drew together and when he was about to ask why she stopped him.

"There's a shortage tonight so you'll have to share with Olivia," she told him simply.

He held his breath unsure how exactly to react to that.

"She's outside." She motioned with her eyes as if she were reading his thoughts.

His eyebrows were still furrowed and he scratched his temple.

"Liv's out of my way," he tried.

A few strained moments passed between them.

"She's not that far from your hotel," Kathy told him quietly.

When his mouth opened to protest Kathy stepped forward cutting him off.

"Elliot, it's fine ok," she said with a soft smile. "Really."

Her words vibrated through him and he had to steady himself on the spot for a good moment. They were no longer talking about location logistics and she'd thrown him left field.

He nodded then because no words would have been appropriate and he accepted her subtle blessing.

"Night Kath," he moved forward and kissed her on the cheek.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

She was waiting by the sidewalk with her coat wrapped tightly around her as he approached her from behind. She must have heard him coming towards her with his feet hitting each step on his decent but she didn't turn around.

"Hey," he said softly when he neared close enough for her to hear him and she glanced over her shoulder.

"Hey," she returned matching his casual tone.

"Kathy tell you-" he began.

"Yeah," she stopped him letting her gaze shift down the long street, she looked like she couldn't wait to get out of here and he felt like he was intruding.

"That ok?" he asked her sheepishly.

She let out a small laugh. "It's fine El," she gave him and that relaxed him somewhat.

They stood there in silence for a good while as he tried to figure out if he should fill it.

"You cold?" he asked her after noticing that he could see her breath against the dimly lit street lamp.

"Why?" she said with a sigh. "You gonna offer to warm me up out here?" she gave him a serious look and turned away. She was referring to the lines he'd crossed with her tonight, in front of his family.

She didn't need to tell him how hard it had been for her tonight. He'd seen it, Bryan, Kathy, Kathleen, she'd been bombarded from all angles and put into uncomfortable situations. She didn't have to come tonight, but she came for him.

"I know it's been..." he let his words trail off because he couldn't think of one word to summarise the night, "but thank you for coming tonight." He gave her.

No matter what she was feeling right now, she had to know he appreciated her taking the step.

She just nodded before returning her gaze down the street. A few quite moments passed and Elliot stuck his hands in his pocket. He was watching the side of her face and he wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked but swallowed the thought.

He expected they would stand in silence until the cab arrived but she surprised him by letting out a small laugh out of the blue.

"Your daughter," she smiled shaking her head.

He raised her eyebrows and his own smile couldn't help but form. He gave her a look as if encouraging her to continue.

"She's one forward girl." She shook her head as if recalling an earlier conversation he hadn't been privy too.

"You got that right," he agreed.

When a few moments passed the intrigue got the better of him. "What did she say?"

Olivia shook her head as if dismissing it and he let her, it was enough that she had mentioned it to begin with.

They bathed in the silence for moments before she surprised him by answering.

"Something about a river in Egypt," she mumbled.

He couldn't help but laugh then and it echoed through the empty street.

"She's something isn't she." Elliot smiled at his daughter's good intensions.

He saw the light of the cab approaching in the distance and suddenly he was nervous.

He wondered if he should sit in the front and direct the driver or sit in the back with her. He wasn't sure what the deal was with Olivia tonight and knowing her she was probably about to flick like a switch any moment.

The cab pulled in front of them and he stepped forward and opened the door for her, motioning for her to enter.

She tried to hide the smile, she had picked up on his gentleman vibe and apparently found humour in it. He shook his head, he was definitely sitting in the back with her, screw chivalry, that just wasn't them.

He shut her door and rounded the cab entering from the opposite side. He clicked his seat belt in place before giving the driver Olivia's address, followed by his hotel and he felt her eyes on him. He could tell she was about to say something when a knock on the window next to Olivia caused them to jump.

He looked over as Kathy was opening the door.

"Sorry guys, is it ok if Michael and James grab a lift, they are just going to the bus station up the road and with the shortage and all?" Kathy looked apologetic, but was just doing the motherly duty.

Olivia complied happily and as much as it killed him inside he nodded at Kathy.

"Sure Kath."

He watched as one of the guys got in the front seat while Olivia removed her seatbelt and began to slide across the backseat towards him. He didn't think about the advantage of having additional passengers meant he'd get to be up close and personal with her.

He could sense Olivia's hesitance as she slid into the middle seat and her thigh incidentally bumped his. Her hand slid down between their bodies in an attempt to feel around for the seatbelt. He bit his lip as she brushed against his hip to retrieve the belt. He'd barely noticed the second guy had even entered the cab let alone was doing his own rummage for his belt buckle. He felt Olivia lean into his side slightly to give this guy access. He could smell her shampoo again.

"You got it?" she asked the guy with a smile.

He better bloody have it. He didn't want this guy touching her more than he had to.

The guy nodded and the cab took off. Thankfully Olivia had given the driver revised directions to stop at the bus station first because he was too busy taking in her bare legs from this new angle. Her dress hadn't been that short when she was standing but in this sitting position the hem had risen slightly up her thigh. Her coat wasn't long enough to cover the bottom of her dress and he was having trouble pulling his eyes away.

"So did you guys enjoy the party?" Olivia started the polite conversation.

Damn she was good, here he was stone silent without so much as a formal introduction or even a hello. He knew these were boys from Kathleen's school but that was it.

"Awesome party," the guy in the front said turning around. "Thanks Mr Stabler."

Elliot could tell by the slight slur in his voice he had had one too many cups of his punch. He just nodded his response and hoped that would be enough but this kid wasn't turning around anytime soon.

"Wow your girlfriends hot," the guy exclaimed dragging his eyes over Olivia.

"Hey," Elliot pipped in angrily. "Turn around."

He felt Olivia next to him trying to hold in a laugh. He couldn't believe this, these guys were driving him mental. Luckily the extent of their trip was soon to be over because the cab was pulling into the bus station. The boys got out quickly without so much as a thank you and slammed both the doors heavily.

Elliot exhaled and stretched in his seat a little, his thigh knocking hers in the process.

As the cab pulled away from the kerb he noticed with a little rush that Olivia wasn't moving. Instead in an effort to give him a little space she crossed her legs in front of her so their thighs were no longer touching.

He watched as the material of her dress slid further up her thigh at this new position and his mouth went dry. He wanted so badly to reach out and just grasp her bare thigh and rest his hand there for the duration of the journey. He wondered what she would do. Would she jump beneath his touch? Would she subtly push his hand off? Would she elbow him in the ribs? Or would she let him hold her.

He was going to find out.

If the woman wasn't moving to create a seat between them that had to mean something.

When he coolly placed his hand just where the hem of her dress ended she didn't jump but he felt the subtle reaction to his touch.

He held his breath.

They rounded a corner and he naturally tightened his grip on her leg to stop them from sliding. He could feel her muscle clench beneath his grip as she tried to move against the cars pull but her body was sliding into his side regardless.

He secretly hoped there would be plenty more corners on this trip.

As the cab straightened up his hold still remained and he could hear her steady breathing.

He was getting bolder so he let his thumb start to rub softly over her skin, back and forth and he felt her relaxing into his touch.

As his thumb continued to rub across the top of her thigh she slowly uncrossed her legs and his hand incidentally fell between them.

Jesus.

She'd done that on purpose.

He took a moment to steady his breathing before he grasped her thigh closest to him, his fingers curling around the back as his palm cupped her inner thigh. Her dress had ridden up further and he did his best to avert his eyes, concentrating on the passing traffic instead.

She adjusted herself slightly beside him and he assumed at any moment she was going to move away from him. She surprised him when she let herself settle into his side more comfortably. Her thigh was now pressing up against his completely and in the process she'd spread her legs further apart.

He was still staring out the window, but he could see her out of the corner of his eye. He thumb started to stroke the soft skin of her inner thigh and he felt her breathing get slightly heavier. He smiled to himself.

Her hand that was sitting in her lap moved slowly over the top of his thigh resting it comfortably on him as he continued to stroke her.

She started moving her hand then slowly down his thigh and back up again and his pulse started racing. As she continued the back and forth motion she incidentally grazed the side of his crotch on the way back up and he bit into his lip.

A few beats passed and suddenly her hand was skimming his inner thigh, lazily moving back and forth, that's when she moved her hand up his inner thigh and her wrist pushed directly into his cock.

He grabbed her hand immediately and she attempted to suppress a chuckle.

He didn't get let go of her hand, instead interlocked his fingers with hers. He let their hands fall between them, resting between both their thighs. He sucked in a breath realising he was now holding her hand again which was almost more unsettling than her groping had been.

She didn't try to pull her hand from his grasp and they continued to ride in silence. His eyes were still focused on the exterior of the vehicle because he couldn't believe he was holding her hand, and more to the point, she was holding his.

When they rounded the corner into her street he was anxious as to what he was supposed to do when the cab came to a stop. Walk her to her door? Walk her to her stoop?

As the cab pulled to a stop he felt her pull her hand out of their grasp and began digging around in her coat pocket. He realised quickly she was pulling out money.

"I got this," he stopped her feeling foolish for not being more on the ball. He was reaching into his back pocket for his wallet but she had already handed over the $50 and was waiting for change by the time he pulled it out.

"It's fine," she told him pushing his wallet back towards him.

As she was handed back her change she stuffed it into her coat pocket and unbuckled her seatbelt. Before she made any movements she looked at him for the first time since they first entered the cab.

Her eyes considered his and he held his breath at just what she would say to him, how she would end this. How many sleepless nights he was about to endure.

Her mouth opened slightly.

"You should probably walk me in," she said softly. "You know, just to be safe," she said with a hint of sarcasm. She was playing on his past tendency to be overprotective.

His lips curled into a smile. She could be as sarcastic as she wanted to be, the fact was she had just given him permission to get out of the cab with her and he was taking it.

He unbuckled his seatbelt, indicating without words that he was complying. He opened the door and slid out, holding it open for her as she scooted across the seats and stepped out of the cab.

He shut the cab door and motioned for her to go ahead of him. He reached the door before her so he could open it and waited for her to enter.

Her eyes picked up on his continuous chivalry and gave him a look as she passed through the threshold. As they made it to her doorstep he suddenly felt nauseous. He had no idea how to play this, should he stay, should he go. He would leave it completely in her court.

He watched as she fished around for her keys before she inserted it into the lock and opened the door just a smidgen. Before she made any rash movements to walk inside she looked over at him until he finally gave her his eye contact.

"Maybe you should come in," she put the suggestion out there and his heart began to race. His mind was fixated on the word 'maybe' as if it were just a suggestion, one he would have to ultimately decide.

"You know, just to check the premises is secure." Her sarcasm was evident and he narrowed her eyes at her. He could have bitten back but he was too fixated on the fact that despite the intension he just received an invitation and was taking it.

He stepped forward then before she would change her mind.

"Just to be safe." He told her as his hand pushed the door the rest of the way open and he stepped inside her apartment.

**TBC  
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	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

She followed Elliot into her apartment and nerves poured through her like a waterfall.

She couldn't _believe_ what she was doing. She had been completely brazen from the moment she decided she was going to his daughters 21st and here she was inviting the man she had agonized over for years into her apartment for god knows what.

She'd spent the night flirting with him and touching him way too much. The champagne had loosened her up a little but was in no way was responsible for her actions. _She was._

She was completely accountable and at that point she had no regrets. She was done with running, done with responsibility and most of all she was done with denial.

_Fucking Egypt._

He had been at the end of his line the other night in her apartment and she saw in his eyes that she'd lost a part of him. The part that fought for her, for them. It was up to her now because he had given up and she wasn't ready to lose him.

He turned around to watch her as she unbuttoned her coat and pulled it off her shoulders.

"Well?" She questioned, as she tossed her coat to the side.

He raised his eyebrows at her, as if the motion was a question.

She stepped forward a little. "Are you going to check the place out?" She continued the game from earlier, pretending the only reason she'd let him in was to check her apartment was secure.

His face broke into a smile. "Right," he said and made his way into her living room.

She smiled, stepping into the kitchen as he continued his mock assessment of her apartment. She collected a glass from her cupboard and filled it with tap water. She noticed her hands were shaking slightly she was so nervous. She took a generous sip and turned around, pulling herself up onto the kitchen bench in a casual cross-legged position.

When he made his way back to her he stopped at the entrance to her kitchen, his eyes taking her in.

"All secure," he told her confidently.

She nodded and lent back a little, doing her best to look seemingly relaxed.

"Even the bedroom?" she asked, the small makings of a smile tugging at her lips, she was dying to know if he went in there.

"Yes Olivia," he drawled on her full name and it made her dizzy.

"Well then," she cleared her throat. "I guess you can go now." She dismissed him casually, praying he knew she was just teasing.

It had been a risk, he was standing at the threshold and could have easily moved to the doorway but he just stood there. His expression only moderately affected by her dismissal.

Elliot's eyes moved to her bare legs which still remained crossed and she realized she still had her heals on. Her hands were curved over the edge of the bench in an effort steady her shaking hands.

He started stepping towards her and with each step she willed herself to calm the hell down, this was just Elliot for crying out loud.

"Liv," he said her name and nerves spread through her in an instant.

She knew it was the start of a question. She didn't want a question, why couldn't he just skip the questions and just touch her. She gave him her full attention regardless, capturing those pools of blue as he took the final steps to meet her.

"Do you want me to go?"

His voice was low and he had just given her a chance to stop this now. She was almost angry at him for it. It was a crossroad, a juncture, that point where a choice would be made one way or another.

He was standing in front of her crossed legs, looking into her eyes, waiting for her to confirm or deny the course of the night's events. The bastard was going to make her say it and she wasn't even going to risk playing with him at that point.

"No."

Her voice had been even, her tone nearing on annoyed at the mere suggestion. She watched something flicker in his eyes at her honesty and although he hadn't changed his expression, she knew she'd seen relief.

He waited a few beats before stepping closer, grasping her thigh and pulling her leg down to uncross them. He moved then using his hips to push them apart, making room for his body. Her breath caught at his sudden motion, he hadn't given her much warning to adjust to the new position. He grasped her hips and dragged her into him, her dress hiking up in the process.

She could feel his crotch pushing into her lower half and her lips parted as his wavered daringly close. She shook at the possibility of tasting him again. She had wanted to kiss him many times tonight, in the wine cellar, in the cab but she'd held off because it wouldn't have been right. Now however in the private confines of her kitchen there was no reason why their lips should remain apart.

She shifted a little spreading her legs a little wider in his grasp, his hips were broad and she was accommodating herself to him. She had rocked absent-mindedly into him in the process and his head bowed forward letting out a small groan of appreciation. His forehead met with hers and she closed her eyes.

She felt one hand come up and grasp her neck, his thumb sliding across the smooth column and her heart rate plummeted. This was agonizing, she needed to feel his lips on hers and wasn't waiting a minute longer.

She tilted her head slightly aligning their lips. Her eyes were still closed as she ran her lips over his. He let out a moan against her mouth before she moved in and captured his top lip between hers. His hand moved down until they were both holding her hips and he rocked into her ever so gently. Her mouth opened at the motion and he grasped her lower lip between his. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and opened his mouth with hers. She slid in her tongue and he moaned in compliance, rocking his lower half determinedly into her and squeezing her hips in response. She could feel the heat between her legs already.

She slipped her heals off so she could wrap her legs further around him and he slid his tongue into meet hers. She made a noise at the contact and could feel his hand slide down her outer thigh, dragging the material of her dress up further. His tongue was now wrestling with hers and she was feeling lightheaded. God she wanted him right now, needed him right now, and she wasn't going to wait a moment longer. Her hand trailed down between them and she grasped his belt buckle attempting to undo it.

He stopped her, pulling her hand away and she opened her eyes as he continued to kiss her. He released her hand and grabbed her thigh again. She tried again, this time managing to get his belt unfastened before he grasped her wrist again. He pulled his lips from hers and he was catching his breath.

"Wait," he told her and she screwed up her features.

"Why?" she said just as breathless.

He had gone silent and she was death staring him now, if he was going to walk out on her yet again she was going to sucker punch the son of a bitch. She wasn't going to give him the chance.

"I'm done waiting Elliot," she told him, pulling his head forward returning her lips to his. He let her kiss her for a few beats before pulling away.

"You want to do this here?" he questioned breathy indicating the kitchen bench.

"I don't care," she drew out in frustration and her hands were back between them tugging at his pants. He grabbed both her wrists and held them on the kitchen bench leaning close enough that their foreheads knocked slightly.

"Not here," he told her.

"Fine El," she said with slight irritation. "Where do you want me?"

He saw the flicker in his eyes at her suggestive question. She was at that point where she didn't care where she just wanted him now. They had waited far too long for this. His eyes brightened at that realization and his lips curved into a smile.

"You want me bad," he said with a cocky smile.

"Twelve years," she said to reiterate her frustration. As soon as the words came out she'd realized what she'd just said.

His eyebrows were already rising at her sudden confession and he moved his hands slowly off hers.

"I mean, I didn't mean-" she tripped over her admission. She had meant it had been a long time, not that she had wanted him for twelve years.

"I didn't mean twelve years," she tried backtracking, her eyes desperate to pull away from his. She felt like an idiot and he was doing his best to hide a smile.

"Then how long?" he asked curiously, calling her on it. He wasn't going to let her out of it that easy.

"El-" she started to protest.

"How long?" he pushed.

"Too long."

Even that was an admission in itself. Her heart was racing, she hated this, admitting things she suppressed for so long.

"Ballpark."

He wanted a rough indication and from the look on his face he wasn't letting her out of it.

She was looking at him worriedly. She wanted to go back him kissing her, not this road to discovering just how badly she had been pining for him. He reached out and smoothed a hand over her bare thigh again she closed her eyes.

"Gitano," she said the word in a breath and waited a few beats before she opened them. He was looking her dead in the eyes processing this information.

It could have been earlier, she wasn't sure. He'd asked for ballpark and that's all she was giving him. She realized she'd just admitted to five years at least but it was better than twelve. Of course she had thought about him before then but that was the first moment in time that brought her feelings to the brink.

"I thought I was going to lose you," she explained quietly, justifying her choice.

He nodded at her, he understood. That day changed everything for both of them.

She wanted to know when it was for him.

"How long for you?" She was as nervous as a teenager and it was evident in her voice but it was only fair he returned the favor.

He broke the eye contact then and she was almost angry at him for it. He looked away uncomfortably.

"How long?" she repeated but suddenly she didn't want to know anymore. Before he could respond he she continued.

"Forget it. This is stup-"

"Oregon."

He'd answered regardless and it knocked her around.

Oregon?

Oregon was recent, recent enough anyway. She was almost disappointed. Oregon when? She wanted to ask but it didn't matter, it was still well after Gitano.

"When you left I was…" his words trailed off but she wasn't looking at him anymore, she didn't want to hear it.

She needed to create some space, he was too close, his hand was still possessively on her thigh and her legs still framing the sides of his body. She'd had bared way too much tonight. She cleared her throat and made motions to move him off her but his hold didn't budge. He could sense her need for space and wasn't having a bar of it.

"What Liv?" he asked with concern.

"Nothing." She wouldn't look him in the eyes. "Can you let me down please?"

He was endeavoring to get her eye contact back, just staring at the side of her face but she wouldn't give it to him.

"What, are you disappointed?" he asked her as if the mere thought was insane.

"Let me down," she said annoyed. She was angry now and pushing him in an effort to get him to let her down.

He moved out between her legs and she wasted no time jumping off down from the bench. She felt a great deal shorter without her heals on and hated the height advantage he had on her now.

"Liv," he was almost rolling his eyes. "You're seriously angry at Oregon?"

She stopped then and finally looked at him. "No just that you're lying."

His eyes widened and he looked taken aback.

"I'm lying?" he said in shock as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"According to Bryan," she said the words before she could stop herself and she knew she'd just opened a whole different can of worms. She prepared herself for the barrage of questions.

"Bryan?" He shook his head and looked away. "What he hell would Bryan know?" he said heatedly.

"Nothing, forget it." She was backtracking but she knew it was a lost cause. He had been trying to get the Bryan conversation out of her all night and here it was. She'd just handed it to him on a silver platter.

"When?" he demanded. "Tell me when Bryan thinks I supposedly felt something for you Olivia because he'd certainly be the expert on the matter." Elliot's sarcasm cut through the air.

She was gathering her thoughts, trying to compile her response. She didn't want to answer his question, it suddenly seemed so stupid that she would take a strangers word on the matter to begin with.

"You're right," she told him quickly, agreeing. "It's stupid."

He looked unimpressed then, like she was dismissing his question by dismissing the whole thing.

"What did he tell you?" he asked her slowly, he wouldn't let her out of it.

She turned away with a sigh. "What does it matter?" She shook it off.

"It matters," he said with a seriousness that broke her standoff.

She sighed giving in. "Bryan told me that Kathy's happy." She looked at him when she finished the sentence as if to gauge a reaction but he just watched her, his eyes unblinking.

"And she wants you to be happy," she told him scratching her temple with her knuckle, feeling extremely awkward at relaying this information. "She seems to think that you'd be happy with..." her words trailed off then and she started concentrating on the kitchen tiles.

"With what?" He pushed her, not letting her pause for a moment.

Her stomach dropped, she didn't want to be talking about this, she'd wished Bryan never spoke to her about it, she reeled over the next word that came out of her mouth.

"Me."

Jesus Christ. She said it and she was still looking at the tiles. She felt ridiculous. What would Bryan or Kathy know about Elliot's feelings anyway? She could sense his eyes on her but there was no way she was looking up.

"You didn't answer my question." His voice was low and picked up on his irritation.

The timeline.

"I don't," she finally returned her eyes to his. "I don't know ok, when exactly but Bryan just said that..." her words trailed off.

Fuck she couldn't do this, she should have gotten it out in one sentence but her heart thumping in her chest had overpowered her sense of speech.

"What Olivia?" He was shitty now, she was dragging this out dangling information piece by piece and he was about to lose it.

"What did he say?" he yelled stepping forward.

She squeezed her eyes shut. "That Kathy's always known." She finally got the words out and gripped the bench behind her in an effort to steady herself.

When she opened her eyes again her was looking at her with an expression she couldn't read. She was desperate to know what he was thinking. He took a few steps away from her and rested his back up against the bench opposite.

They felt a world apart now.

She watched as he folded his arms against his chest, his defenses were up. She had no idea where to go from here. She just wanted to stop the fighting, once and for all. She just wanted to feel his arms around her and his lips on hers again. She needed to get them back there.

"El-" she tried but he cut her off.

"What do you want me to say?" He threw his arms up in defeat. "You want me to tell you I knew from the beginning?"

Her mouth made motions to stop his admission but he kept going.

"That even the thought of you sleeping with Cassidy kept me up at night?"

Her eyes couldn't help but widen, she hadn't expected this. That was ancient history, twelve years ago.

"God Liv, Cassidy, the reporters, computer crimes, Oregon, that fuck Porter, storming into my undercover operation in your goddamn underwear, how the hell I could get any sleep was beyond me." He rattled out and she couldn't seem to tear her eyes from his brazen admission.

"But you know what Olivia, I was married and you were my partner and somehow I managed to handle it. I think I did a bloody good job wading through the denial. I was a fucking pro right up until the night you stuck your tongue down my throat."

His words were loud and direct. She knew he was angry as hell, laying the blame decisively back into her court.

"I keep thinking if only I didn't come up that night I'd still have my partner, my job, my fucking life back."

Her mouth dropped open, his words knocked the wind out of her. This was coming out of nowhere. Suddenly he had turned the tables and was acting as if he never wanted any part of this.

"You're blaming_ me_ for leaving?" she yelled back. "You made that choice Elliot, not me." Her breathing was erratic and she was so unbelievably pissed off at what he'd just accused her of.

"There was no choice," he told her matter-of-factly. "One of us had to go and you know it," he told her directly.

She did know it. Of course she knew it but he took off before she even had a chance to contemplate it. It would have made a lot more sense for her to go, she didn't have a family, kids and a life in New York. It was irrelevant now. The choice had been made and they were no longer partners but something about his rash outburst resonated in her and she had to know.

"Tell me something Elliot do you want your partner back or do you want me?" She put the question out there that had circled her mind and she was painfully scared of his answer.

The way he was acting right now was scaring the shit out of her, it was as if he wanted things to go back to the way they were and it killed her. When he didn't respond she lost it.

"You don't want this anymore do you?" she stabbed at the realization, feeling the pin pricks of tears approaching. Every moment of silence that passed only reiterated her conclusion. She counted the breaths of silence.

_One, two, three._

"What so the chase is over so now the thrill is gone?" she yelled infuriated, her voice weakening at the thought.

He removed the three steps between them then and grabbed her by the hips pushing her up against the bench. His lips drew closer and he demanded her eye contact.

"You know I want you Olivia," his hot breath warmed her face. "Damn it, I want this." He told her, erasing the doubt slowly from her mind. She could feel his crotch pushed up against her stomach as she gripped the bench top.

"But,"

That one word hit her hard in the gut. No buts. No fucking buts. She couldn't handle a but right now.

"I need to know you're not going to run," he whispered against her forehead and she

closed her eyes.

She wouldn't run, not after everything they had been through. She was about to respond, to ease his apprehension when he continued.

"And if you can't even tell me you fucking love me then why should I risk it?" He let the bitter words resonate and her throat caught. She was fuming. She couldn't believe he'd resorted to that, he knew how just the mention of that would affect her.

Her cheeks heated. "I can't believe you," she said slowly and then pushed out of his hold.

"Are you just going to walk away now?"

Her eyes welled up in front of him and she hated herself for not being able to control her tears when she was around him now. She looked away and his eyes watched the side of her face.

"Not if you give me a reason to stay," he told her quietly and she knew exactly what he meant. He wouldn't stay unless she said it. Those three words.

She'd only give him two.

"Screw you," she said quietly, the tears now threatening to fall. "That's not fair," she stabbed back.

"Not fair?" He raised his eyebrows, shaking his head. He rubbed his face from the sheer frustration of it all before he looked at her again.

"Why does someone who gives so little thinks she deserves so much?" He let the rhetorical question sink in.

Her throat was constricted and at any moment she knew the tears would stream down her face. She couldn't stand there a moment longer and break in front of him.

"Lock the door on your way out," she told him angrily before walking out of the kitchen.

She had expected him to lash out, stop her with his words or his hands but she was walking towards her bedroom and he wasn't following her. She let the tears finally spill down her cheeks now that she wasn't facing him and slammed the bedroom door behind her.

It was if the floodgates had opened because the tears were streaming openly now and her heart was thumping in over time. She was trying to be quiet, trying to gauge if she could hear the front door opening or closing or any noise at all but she could barely hear a thing over her muffled sobs. She grabbed a couple of kleenex and wiped her tears away.

That's when she heard the door to her bedroom open slowly and chills soared through her body at the realization that he wasn't done with her. He hadn't left and what's more he was storming into her bedroom, crossing a boundary she never expected he'd cross.

She was thankful she wasn't facing the door so she had a chance to get a hold of herself. She felt him approaching from behind and she was fuming that he just waltzed into her bedroom without so much as a knock.

"Elliot," she strained still wiping her face. "Get out," she demanded, her words sounded pathetic, almost like a child.

"Turn around," he told her and she swallowed a ragged breath refusing to move. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat and was desperately trying to control her shaking sobs.

"No," she told him, wiping her nose and holding her breath.

She felt him taking the final steps between them and reach out grasping her upper arm and she jumped slightly. He moved her around to face him. She looked anywhere but in his eyes as he took in her tear stained face. She must have looked like a mess.

"I told you to go," she said annoyed that he'd ignored her demand.

He wasn't giving her the sympathy she'd expected but he had softened slightly.

"I'm not going," he told her.

She shook her head and threw the tissue she was holding into the bin feeling marginally in control of her tears now but she couldn't get his earlier demand out of her head. He told her he wasn't leaving but he also wasn't going to give up until he broke her and she wouldn't let that happen. There was no way she could say those words to him. That just wasn't her.

"I can't," she said softly.

"You can't what?" he questioned her.

She took in a deep breath, knowing her next words would change everything between them.

"Stand here and tell you that I'm in love with you."

She felt a rush at the words, as if she'd just effectively told him she was, without actually having to say it. He shifted in front of her and she had no idea how he was reacting to the statement because she wasn't game to look at him.

"Because it's not true?" he asked her slowly his voice slightly shaking. "Or because you just can't?" he questioned and she picked up on how hard it had been for him to ask her that.

Her eyes flicked to his and she could barely breathe.

"What do _you_ think?" she practically said through gritted teeth.

She watched as his eyes registered her silent confession and she looked away. She was still shaking she knew it, still petrified of what they were discussing and how much further he was going to push her.

He stepped forward and she let his hand smooth over her cheek and her eyes closed at the contact. His thumb swiped away the moisture from her recent tears and he moved in resting his forehead against hers. She tried to control her breathing, he was so close, his thumb smoothing over her cheek and across her lower lip.

It gave her chills and she felt heavy on her feet. He moved her lips apart with his thumb and tilted his head and suddenly he was kissing her softly. His lips lightly sliding over hers at a slow pace she hadn't been privy to. He had been so passionate with her before and now his lingering exploration of her mouth was breathtakingly welcome.

She could taste the salt from her tears and she let him kiss her without taking it deeper, he had the control at that point and she would let him lead this. He smoothed his lower lip across her top lip before taking it between his and gently tugging. She wanted to moan but she was paralyzed, just waiting to see what he would do next.

His hands that were cupping her cheeks moved further back around her neck pulling her closer as he opened her mouth with his. His tongue slid in and she let him explore her mouth. He must have noticed her submission to him because he couldn't seem to get her tongue to cooperate. He moistened her top lip between his before he pulled slowly away from the kiss.

His hands still cupped her cheeks and she opened her eyes at his retreat, her daze almost questioning his reason for stopping. He watched her for a quiet moment before leaning in this time his lips skimming her cheek until they reached her ear.

"Get on the bed," he told her in a whisper and her knees practically buckled at his command. She was so damned turned on right now she could barely breathe. Her body had broken out in goosebumps and her heart was thumping at the realization that this was actually happening. Somehow she managed to get her legs to work and stepped backwards from him, his hands falling from the frame of her face in the process. He watched her draw backward and she must have been blushing because her cheeks felt like they were on fire.

He waited until the backs of her knees came in contact with the bed and she shivered. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to sit on the bed or lay down so she just stood there watching him, waiting for direction. When she hadn't complied he moved forward grasping her upper arm and nudging her into a sitting position on the bed. Her eyes drifted to his deep grey tee-shirt, she noticed he'd taken his leather jacket off when she'd left him in the kitchen and it registered. He never intended on leaving tonight.

She resisted the urge to reach out and pull him closer instead she would let him decide the course of tonight's events. He knew what she wanted, she certainly didn't hide it in the kitchen and he wasn't responding well to her need to rush this.

"Lie down," he told her quietly and her breath quickened. She was enjoying the hell out of this, she wondered what he would do if she denied him. If she just sat there and stared at him. What would he do?

_Make me._

She wasn't going to risk pissing him off so she moved backwards pulling her body further onto the bed until she was holding her upper body up on her elbows. Her feet came off the floor and his eyes dropped to her bare legs. He wasn't making any movements to join her, just taking her in, dragging his eyes over her body. It made her slightly self-conscious but mostly inpatient. He was going to drag this out and she knew it.

In an effort to speed him up she let her feet knock into his thigh, hoping the small contact would remind him he was still vertical. It had worked. He was moving now, climbing slowly onto the bed over the top of her, the mattress bowing beneath his weight. His eyes never left hers as he made his way up her body.

He parked a knee between her legs and rested his weight on his forearms looming above her. He was keeping his distance and it killed her. She gave into her upright position and let her head fall back on the mattress, her hair splaying to the sides as she looked up at him. He just watched her, drawing his lip between his and playing with it.

She let her leg slide slowly up the side of his pants, her dress riding up her thigh in the process and she watched as his eyes trailed down the column on her neck, over her chest to wear her cleavage peaked out the top of her dress. She had worn a tasteful dress tonight out of respect but he was now marveling at the view gravity provided.

Elliot's eyes slid back up to her lips and she thought for a moment he was going to lean down and capture them once more. He surprised her by leaning down and kissing the soft skin of her neck instead. He pushed his lips into her and she reacted with a moan. He continued to kiss at the skin and she felt the goosebumps break over her. She grasped his forearms urging him to release his hold above her. She wanted his weight to drop onto her so she could feel every crevice of his body against hers.

He wasn't complying and just continued to kiss her neck slowly dragging his lips down over her collarbone and lower to the rise of her breast. He moved his hand and grasped her dress strap, pulling the one side down until it revealed the top of her bra.

She closed her eyes as his lips travelled over the mound of her breast until they reached the satin material. He slid the other dress strap down her arm and pulled the material of her dress downward until her bra came into view. She was waiting for him to touch her, to just reach out and grasp her with his hand but he surprised her by dragging his lips over surface of her bra until he reached her erect nipple.

Her breathing quickened as he rubbed his lower lip over it and she moaned arching her chest against him. The material of her bra was thin and she could feel him start to tease her with his tongue. She bit her lip to stifle the next moan and let her legs push impatiently at his stance above her.

She was trying to nudge him out of his kneeling position with her legs but he wasn't budging. She felt a muffled chuckle against her breast at her effort and he reached down and grabbed her thigh. She stopped struggling, content for the moment that Elliot's hand was now warming her thigh.

He was watching her and she let her tongue smooth over her lower lip. He must have reacted to the sight because she felt his hold on her thigh slightly tense. She let her legs slide apart slightly, knowing it would probably only cause him to retreat but he was in the mood for surprising her tonight. His hand moved slowly off the top of her outer thigh and settled against the soft skin of her inner thigh.

Elliot's hands were between her legs and she could barely breathe. His thumb was lightly stroking her just below her panties and she waited, desperately urging him to go higher. The rise and fall of her chest increased at every moment and she stayed perfectly still as she felt him slowly slide further up.

She bit into her lip in anticipation, almost as if bracing herself and he was watching her reaction to his slow seduction, in awe at the effect he was having on her. He waited few beats before skimming his hand over her completely, running his fingers lightly across her satin panties and she moaned in satisfaction.

She gripped his upper arm that was propping his body up and pulled him down determinedly, he lost his balance and crashed against her. She felt his erection dig into her hip and she made a small sound at the back of her throat, he groaned at the contact.

His hand was on her breast now and her eyes slipped closed as he gently squeezed it, his thumb flicking firmly across her nipple. She moaned moving her hip against him in response and he faltered, groaning into her neck and sliding his hands back down her thigh.

His body was in the way so she spread her legs for him, moving them either side of his hips. She took a sharp intake of breath as his hand was suddenly cupping her over her panties and felt him push his fingers against the wetness.

She was dying for him to be inside her, she could barely take this slow assassination any longer. His thumb began to rub firmly against her clit and she choked out a yell. Her hand moved down between them trying to grab his wrist.

"Jesus," she breathed out, her eyes snapped closed from the pleasure. "Stop it Elliot," she managed to get out and his lips crashed against her forehead.

"You want me to stop?" he whispered seductively into her hair.

"Stop teasing me." Her breath was ragged and she moved her lower half against him with urgency.

She wanted him inside her, before she lost it and he must have read her mind because his hands were making their way into the side of her panties. Her breath caught when his fingers located her wet entrance and she bit into her lip at the contact. He wavered momentarily and she could feel his eyes on her when he slowly slipped a finger inside her.

She moaned openly moving her legs further apart to accommodate him and he wasted no time pushing a second into her. She gripped onto his shoulders and muffled her cry into his neck. He continued the motion over using his lower body to rock his fingers into her.

"Fuck Liv.." he trailed off into her neck as he continued to drive into her.

She rocked herself against him and he matched her rhythm.

"El," she let out breathless. "I need you," she gave him running her hand over her face. "In me," she reiterated.

He smiled against her neck. "I'm in you," he told her, continuing his gentle rhythm.

She didn't laugh. "Elliot," she drew out his name unimpressed he wasn't complying.

He ran his thumb over her clit and she called out at the sensation. She was twisting against him, trying to stop the pleasure from mounting.

"El now." She was breathing heavily.

He drove into her a little harder and she bit into her lip to stop from moaning. Then he surprised her by slowing down the pace a little.

"Twelve years Liv," he whispered in her ear with a cocky smile. "I'm not rushing this."

Those words made her groan out of frustration. The son of a bitch was going to draw this out until it killed her. His lips found their place just below her ear and he kissed into the crook of her neck and drove his fingers inside her once more. She muffled a moan and tightened her grip on his shoulder as she moved her lower half in rhythm with him, no longer trying to fight it.

He sucked on the skin of her neck, gently nipping it as he continued to move inside her and she knew his intention was to leave a mark. Mark his territory, his claim over her in a way he'd never been able before. It used to be with words or a look, now it was his lips and teeth.

Her breathing was starting to get heavy and he quickened his pace inside her, she was biting down on her lip trying to suppress just how god damn pleasurable this was. His fingers pulled out of her and ran firmly over her clit, she called out before she could stop herself and he plunged back into her. She came against his hand, around his fingers, a noise escaping her that was half a moan half his name as she spiraled into orgasm. She let out a cry as her muscles contracted around his thick fingers. His movements slowed as he let her come down before finally sliding out of her.

Her breathing was still erratic as she lay there recovering, her eyes flittering to a close as she attempted to get her breathing under control. She could feel him watching her but she was too nervous to open her eyes.

"Take off your dress," he whispered to her and something inside her stirred, she always had an inkling Elliot Stabler would be controlling in bed and he didn't disappoint. Her eyes opened and her suspicions were confirmed, he had been watching her waiting for her to come back to him. She swallowed the rebuttal that sat on her tongue.

_Do it yourself._

It should after all be his job but something about his command made her curious. He'd already pulled the top half of her dress part way down her breasts so she continued the task, unzipping it at the side and pulling the dress down her stomach before she shimmied it over her hips.

His line of sight followed her the entire way down, taking in each portion of flesh she revealed. She watched as his eyes ran over her breasts, across her stomach, over the black satin of her panties and across her long tanned legs as she kicked the dress off her ankles and onto the floor. Those blue eyes came back to hers and it gave her shivers. He could see she was nervous but didn't even miss a beat before his eyes moved to settle on her breasts.

"Now take off your bra," he instructed and she had a sudden pang of modesty at the thought that he was about to see her bare breasts and he was still fully clothed. She wasn't ready for the exposure just yet, it went a lot deeper than him just seeing her physically and she wanted to even up the stakes first.

"You first," she said quietly her eyes falling to his tee-shirt for effect.

His lips turned up into the makings of a sly smile and he didn't miss a beat.

"No," he told her firmly, his eyes settling on her breasts again.

She was floored at the way he was taking control, his eyes raking over her exposed body by the minute. She wanted to see how far she could push him.

"You're fully clothed," she pointed out letting him know it wasn't a fair trade.

He moved then, slowly back down so his body and lips hovered above hers and he eyed her determinedly.

"You gonna make me beg?" he said softly, his accent thick as he ran his lips across her jawline.

His hand moved to her hip where he thumbed the material of her panties at her side. She sucked in a breath knowing once she discarded her bra, they would be next. Having him so close weakened her resolve, reiterating the urgency she felt before, she didn't want to delay this any longer.

She grasped her bra straps and slid them down her arms and as she arched her chest out to reach around to the clasp she smiled to herself remembering the moment of incompetency Elliot had with her bra in the locker room. She thought perhaps that's why he'd asked her to take it off.

He pulled back to give her room and she could see his realization that she was smiling to herself about something. He didn't have a chance to question her because his eyes fell immediately to her bare breasts as she pulled the bra completely off and tossed it to the side. She heard the sharp intake of breath as his eyes dragged over her exposed chest, she just lay there letting him take her in.

"Fuck," he whispered mostly to himself and the way he was reacting to the sight made her nipples harden under his gaze. She watched as he chewed his lip and felt insanely exposed. It all got too much for her so she reached out and grasped the end of his shirt, attempting to pull it up his body but he grabbed her wrist stopping her in her tracks. When she tried again with her other hand he grabbed her other wrist and when it was clear she wasn't giving up he pinned them both shoulder height on the bed. She let out a noise at his sudden capture and tried to pull out of his hold.

The son of a bitch wasn't letting up and he was using this advantage to take in her breasts for as long as he wanted. She fruitlessly tried to tug her wrists from his capture and he watched as they bobbed below him in her struggle. When it was clear he wasn't budging she slowed down her efforts and just watched him ogling her breasts.

"It's rude to stare," she said pretending to be pissed off when really her nipples were hardening by the second under his excruciating gaze.

His eyes flicked to hers briefly before his lips twisted into a smile as if he suddenly had a solution for that. Then he was lowering his mouth to her breast and she felt his tongue scrape firmly across her hardened nipple. She called out at the combination of intense pleasure and tickling.

She felt then as his mouth captured her nipple completely, drawing it between his lips as he sucked before flicking his tongue back and forth relentlessly. She let out a cry of pleasure and writhed beneath him, pulling at his hold on her wrists trying to twist her breast away from his mouth.

"Fuck you," she whispered squirming beneath him, biting down on her lip to muffle her cry as he continued to flick back and forth over her sensitive nipple. She didn't know how much longer she could take this. When she felt his teeth rake over her nipple and she lost it, her thigh pushed firmly between his legs, sliding against his erection intending on distracting him into letting her go without having to tell him to stop.

He moaned at the contact, the sound vibrating against her breast. His lips slipped from her nipple and it appeared he was finally giving in. He loitered above her, looking down at her with overconfidence lining his features as his hands still held her against the mattress. He looked pleased with himself and she was giving him a death stare.

She opened her mouth intent on calling him on his crap when his lips dove onto hers and his tongue was in her mouth. His fully clothed chest pushed into her bare breasts, the material teasing her nipples. As he pulled her lower lip between his, a hand moved off one wrist and moved firmly downward over her breast. She gasped into his mouth at the sudden contact as he proceeded to thumb her already sensitive nipple. He wasn't gentle and as the hard pad of his thumb drove back and forth and she squirmed beneath him hitting her hard between the legs.

"Fuck El," she practically moaned, pulling her lips from his in an effort to twist away from him. He ignored her, his lips moving to the arch of her neck again and he kissed her hard still thumbing her nipple.

"Elliot," she voiced her frustration using her free hand to pull him off her breast only to have him seize her wrist again, planting it beside her head. His lips trailed up to the base of her ear.

"Yes," he murmured innocently, smiling against her neck.

She wasn't amused and was weakening by the second, she wanted to tell him to stop dragging this out. Her knee came up between his legs and rubbed across his hardness. He sucked in a breath and swayed a little as his forearms held his body weight off her.

"Take off your pants," she whispered. Screw the shirt, she didn't care about that anymore, she just wanted his pants off and him inside her. But it wasn't that easy.

"You first," he whispered hotly into her neck and grasped the side of her panties, beginning to tug them down her hip.

_Son of a bitch._

She reached out and grasped his wrist and because she was done with his man handling crap she stopped him from pulling them down any further. He released his hold on her underwear and she used her free hand and the angle of his body to her advantage, pushing into him so he fell onto his back. She moved quickly sliding her legs either side of his hips, straddling him. They both moaned in union when his hardness hit her square between the legs.

She rocked against him once with purpose, and his hands came up grasping her thighs as if he could somehow prevent her movements from just holding her. His eyes locked with hers, giving her a warning but her hands were already grasping the bottom of his shirt, sliding it up his body until that hard chest came into view. He rose up slightly and let her pull the shirt over his head and her hungry eyes devoured him. She expelled a breath at the sight, the sheer size of him still managed to take her breath away. She'd missed this view, she'd see it on rare occasions in the locker room but she was finally getting unrestricted access to take him in. She could feel him watching her as her dark eyes roamed every dip and crevice of his muscles.

He was beautiful.

Her hands moved then, encircling his belt buckle and pulled it open. He let her, his hands resting on her thighs as she unbuttoned the top of his pants and unzipped him.

She grasped the side of his pants and started to tug down his hips, she didn't get far when his hands came up and helped her sliding them completely off and kicking them to the ground. As she settled herself back down his cock rubbed against her through his boxer shorts and it was too much for him. He grabbed her hips then and flipped her onto her back, his body settling onto hers his bare chest meeting with hers. His lips slammed against hers and he plunged his tongue forcibly into her mouth.

He was done playing it seemed because he grasped the material of her panties and tugged them down her thighs. She reached up and pulled his boxers down simultaneously, both of them managing to slide each others down before finally using their legs to kick them completely off.

He settled his body back down onto her and his cock pushed into her thigh and they both moaned. Her mind twirled at the fact that they were no barriers between them now, a small shift in position and he would be in her.

"Fuck," Elliot mumbled into her neck and she felt the exact same way. Her hands came up and trailed down the side of his torso, over the ridges that defined him and rested at his hip.

"Liv I-" he whispered just below her ear and she bit her lip at the possibility of what he might say to her. She didn't want words right now, words would only draw out the burning ache between her legs. He must have sensed her stiffen at his change in gears because he wasn't continuing his sentence, instead he grasped her hip and shifted above her slightly.

"Spread your legs," he whispered throatily against her cheek and she was so damn turned on and his thick words spurred her on. She moved her leg that was captured between his and placed them either side of his hips. She felt the warm heat of his breath against her neck and as he shifted only slightly she felt him at her entrance. She held her breath and closed her eyes, her heart beat amplifying from the suspense.

He guided himself into her and they both moaned simultaneously as he started to fill her. He was slow to start, allowing her time to adjust to him, gradually filling the depth of her until she felt their hips connect. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding at the thought that Elliot was finally inside her. Her eyes were closed, her eyebrows knitted together in concentration and her mouth was slightly ajar.

"Open your eyes." She heard his voice above her and they fluttered open capturing him looking down at her with those pools of blue.

Her heart was still racing at the fact that they were actually doing this. He lent down and slowly seized her lips kissing her gently. His lips tugged on her lower lip and her eyes drifted back to a close. She felt him shift slightly and begin to rock his hips against her. She moaned softly and he responded by pulling out of her slightly before pushing back in, his hips colliding as she barely stifled her yell.

As he pulled back a second time his hand found her breast and he grasped her nipple, tweaking it as he pushed back into her. She wasn't ready for it and a noise ripped from her larynx at the pleasure. His lips skimmed down her neck and he continued the manipulation of her breast. She twisted beneath him, biting back a moan as she rolled her hips against him causing him to groan into her neck. He grasped her hips for support, pulled back again and firmly rocked into her.

"Jesus," she managed in a breath.

She wrapped her arms around his neck drawing him closer, her legs wrapping further around him as he pushed deeper into her.

"El," she moaned, her fingernails biting into the skin of his shoulders.

His lips that were teasing her neck came up and grasped her lips roughly, plunging his tongue into her mouth as he rocked himself into her. She sank her teeth into his lower lip before releasing and he groaned against her mouth. She smoothed her tongue across his lip soothing where she'd just bitten.

"Fuck Olivia," he mumbled into her mouth, slamming his lower half against her causing her to yell out in surprise.

He grasped her arms, which were wrapped tightly around his neck and pulled them down, seizing her wrists and planting them against he bed. He rocked into her again and her eyes drifted to a close, she felt his hands smooth up her wrists and over her hands, his fingers encircling hers and she willingly grasped his hands.

"You feel so fucking good," he moaned as he continued his rhythm inside her. She could feel herself building closer towards the edge of release with each thrust. She bit into her lip to stop from moaning and she could tell he had sensed she was on the brink.

He slowed down a little and pulled out just enough to cause her eyes to open questioning him before he pushed back into her. His hips connected with hers and she felt his body push her into the mattress shifting so it hit her against her clit. She came with a yell and arched her back, his hands still squeezing hers and she clenched around him. She yelled as her orgasm spiraled out of control, she felt his eyes on her before he buried his face into her neck and finally let go coming inside her.

He dropped his weight onto her completely and she exhaled indulging in the fact that he didn't have the energy to keep his weight off her anymore. She lay there exhausted, her breaths coming out in short bursts under his body while the after effects of her orgasm contracted around him.

Their hands were still intertwined and his face was still buried in her neck, breathing heavily against her. Her whole body was still shaking from the mere fact that Elliot had just come inside her after all these years. She felt the sheen of sweat between their bodies at how worked up they had gotten and she smiled to herself. She'd had good sex before but this was intoxicatingly different.

Her eyes were still closed as she felt his thumb softly smooth back and forth over her hand as they lay there, a reassuring gesture that slowly put her at ease. His breathing against her neck was starting to even out and for a moment she thought he was falling asleep. She didn't want to move but he was slowly crushing her and she needed to get her breath back.

She shifted underneath him as best she could indicating she wasn't entirely comfortable. He rose up a little, taking his weight onto his elbows and she took in the deep breath she had forgone. He made no effort to pull out of her, just let his eyes dropped down to hers with the makings of a cheeky grin lining his face. She noticed his cheeks were flushed.

She wanted to question what it was that he found so amusing but she was too exhausted to form words. She let her eyes draw to a shut and wondered just how long he was going to stay in her. She felt his lips drag across her cheek towards the base of her ear and she shivered.

"Incredible," he whispered into her ear and she smiled at the knowledge that he enjoyed himself. He pressed his lips against the sensitive skin at her neck and moved a hand out of her grasp to trail over her collarbone. He traced its path and she felt her nipples harden beneath him from the cool night air.

"Fucking incredible," he corrected, murmuring into her neck. He shifted slightly above her rocking haphazardly against her sensitive core. Her eyes squeezed shut at the mixture of pleasure and tenderness. His hand slipped down over breast, thumbing the base of her mound careful not to touch her sensitive nipple. When she managed to get a hold of her voice she spoke quietly.

"It was ok." She couldn't keep the smile from forming long enough to fool him.

He narrowed his eyes down at her and bit back his own smile. He was still holding one of her hands which made it easy for her to keep playing with him.

"You can go now if you like," she teased.

He looked less than impressed and dropped the eye contact and then she knew she'd said something wrong.

"Don't even joke about that." He heard the hurt in his words, it was still a sensitive matter.

A few beats passed between them and she felt him unclasp his hand from hers and start to move off her. She felt a pang of guilt hit her in the gut.

"El," she whispered a little shocked. God she was idiot, she needed to learn to keep her mouth shut. He slowly pulled out of her and she winced in slight discomfort then he rolled onto his back and rubbed his forehead.

She turned onto her side and propped herself up on an elbow just watching him lying there struggling over something that scared the shit out of her. She reached out and touched his bicep, smoothing her fingers over his muscle.

"I'm sorry," she apologized and it was hard for her to say, but harder to see him like this. She had no idea how seriously he had taken this. "It was just a joke," she reiterated.

"Mmmmmm," he mumbled. "Funny."

Just as she was debating what words she could say to ease his concern he reached out and grasped her forearm bringing her body closer so she was coating his side. Relief poured through her that he wasn't going to let it stew and she smiled into his neck.

"Let me make up for it," she whispered seductively in his ear, letting her hand trail down his chest towards his pelvis. He let her run her hands over him and her breath caught at the makings of his growing erection. She stroked him gently and marveled in the fact that he wasn't done with her yet tonight. He rocked himself gently into her hand and expelled the breath he was holding. She could feel him getting firmer with each stroke and his breathing was climbing evenly. He reached down and grasped her wrist and pulled her across his body until she was practically on top of him.

"You want to make up for it?" he whispered intensely combing his fingers through her hair and pulling her face down to meet his.

She just nodded with a face full of anticipation of what he would ask of her. She licked her lips as her heart slammed against his chest. He knocked her legs so they fell either side of hips and she felt his cock slide against her opening briefly. She closed her eyes and grasped onto his shoulders for stability.

"Then say it to me," he told her quietly and her eyes snapped open. She stared down at him into those pools of blue and she knew then. Sexual acts were one thing but those words from her lips would be as rare as gold. Her throat caught and she tried to will herself to calm down. Her lips parted and she was petrified but the concerned expression looking back at her was just as alarming.

"Three words," he whispered as if that was supposed to make it seem easier and the tension in the room was overbearing. She needed to break it if only momentarily because she couldn't seem to catch her breath. She moved backward slightly knocking herself into his cock and her eyes drifted to a close.

"I want you," she said almost through gritted teeth, angry that he was doing this now.

He pushed against her opening and let her rub against him for a few moments watching her enjoy the position before he changed gears.

"No," he whispered still holding her face close to him.

He was going to make her do this and there was no way out of it unless she wanted another fight and lord knows they'd had their share of fights for a lifetime. Her eyes took on a darker shade of sincerity and she tried for a different approach.

"I need you," she said honestly and even the thought of that alone scared the shit out of her. His eyes held hers steady, he'd registered the words and she could tell that he was grateful. He let a thumb smooth over her cheek.

"Warmer," he breathed against her lips.

She closed her eyes and her stomach dropped at the realization that she'd have to say it. _Fuck you Elliot_. She couldn't withstand his overbearing eye contact anymore so she ran her lips down his jawline and nipped at his neck. He moved his hips and in the process and she felt his cock rub painfully over her clit and she nearly choked on the words.

"I love you ok," her voice had sounded small but the emotion spoke volumes.

She heard him lightly chuckle and she closed her eyes in embarrassment, attempting to do her best to erase this moment from her mind. _I love you ok. _It hadn't been perfect but things between them never were and that was the best she could do.

She could tell he was appreciative because his body had relaxed somewhat against his and his hand was running down the side of her torso giving her chills. The cool night air hit her between her legs and she took note of the position she had on top of him.

"Can I fuck you now?" she whispered into his neck and his hand stilled at the dip of her waist. She smiled against his neck, he had been so dominant with her earlier and it was only fair she returned the favor. She didn't wait for his answer, just pushed back seeking out his cock and he shifted only slightly enabling her to slowly sink onto him. He groaned as he filled her and she winced, she was still sore from their efforts before but she needed to feel the release again, anything to take her mind off her confession.

He was looking up at her with a smug expression and she could have killed him because she knew what he was thinking. She flattened her palms on his chest intending to wipe that look off his face. As she began to rock her hips against him his eyes slipped closed and his mouth opened. He grasped her hips and held her gently as she rode him and she smiled at the effect she was having on him. She arched backward and pleasure coursed through her from the different angle. He was moaning openly now, his fingers digging into her hips with each movement. She reached behind her grasping the top of his thighs as she angled herself further back and he couldn't help but thrust up into her. Her eyes were closed and her breath was catching and she couldn't believe she was close already.

Sex with Elliot would be the death of her she concluded because she never wanted to stop. When she felt his hand reach out and grasp her breast she bit into her lip and dug her nails into the muscle of his thigh. Her stomach spiraled when she felt him drag his hand down south, between her legs and moved the rough pad of his thumb against her clit. She lost it, calling out as her walls clamped around him and her body shuddered at the pleasure. His hands moved to grasp her hips as he drove firmly into her and came against her muscle contractions. She tried to rein in her breathing as she continued to clench around him, ignoring the slight discomfort between her legs because it was so damn worth it to come on top of Elliot Stabler. She tried to move off him but his grip at her waist wouldn't budge and by the look on his face he was still trying to come down from his own orgasm.

She waited a few beats before she tried moving again and this time he let her. She winced as she slid off him and wobbled slightly in the process, her legs feeling like jelly post her straddling position. She lost her stability and slid down the side of him, bumping his hip before she rolled onto her back, a groan escaping her. Her whole body was reeling from the after effects and she was utterly exhausted. She heard him chuckle at her not so graceful topple.

"Shut it," she smiled moving her arm and whacking him playfully in the stomach. He seized her palm before she could retract it and curled his fingers in between hers. It never ceased to amaze her how strange it felt to be holding his hand. She lay there staring up at the ceiling and listened to the jagged rise and fall of his breathing. She realized in their haste they hadn't even pulled the comforter down and she wondered if she'd ever look at this bed the same way again.

Her eyes were getting heavy and the light in the room was blinding so she closed them. A few breaths later and she felt him lift the hand that captured hers and press his lips lightly against the back of her hand. She smiled sleepily, her eyes still closed and it wasn't long before she felt the mattress bow and his hand pulled slowly out of hers. She heard him tugging the comforter down and then there was silence and she felt his eyes on her again. She opened them to see him ogling her naked body and as exposed as she felt she had no energy to even attempt covering herself.

"Damn you're beautiful," Elliot whispered, his eyes tracing her curves as if her were committing them to memory.

She smiled weakly and managed by some miracle to pull herself up the bed and move under the covers he'd just revealed. She hiked up the sheet so it covered her breasts and her head fell back on the pillow. She just looked at him, standing there completely naked in front of her carrying himself as if he were fully clothed.

"Come to bed," she said tiredly and she noticed the flicker in his eye as he registered how easy that had been for her. She closed her eyes again and a few moments passed until she heard the light switch flick and she relaxed her eyes against he darkness. She felt the mattress bow accommodating his weight and she rolled slightly into his side from the motion. She wasn't used to sharing her bed and out of instinct started to move over to give him some room. It wasn't long until she felt him reach out, circle her waist and pull her into him, sheet and all enveloping her with his body.

She smiled as she relaxed into him allowing herself to settle into his warmth as he spooned her. She felt the rise and fall of his chest against her back and after a few beats she let a hand trail down and smooth over his forearm that was holding her against him.

She wanted to say something to him in that moment but there were no words that seemed

appropriate. She felt him lightly kiss the crown of her head and it wasn't long until her

breathing deepened and she was drifting off to sleep.

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

Ok so here is the last installment for Chutes and Ladders. Thank you to everyone who gave this a shot and for the awesome feedback. I started this fic 3ish years ago and it had been sitting on my computer in draft form until I recently got the drive to post. As it was my first fic feedback is most welcome (constructive or otherwise) as I know there have been some sloppy mistakes throughout and I apologise! I'm also Australian so things get lost in translation eg spelling 'apologise' 'favourite' - I'm just sayin ; ) In terms of endings let me just say I loath them for 2 reasons. 1. because they are usually just the lovey-dovey closure chapter and 2. because they are so final but regardless I hope this dots the i's and crosses the t's for you. Thanks again!

**Chapter 9**

Elliot's eyes blinked against the sunlight that spilled through the blinds and for a moment he wasn't sure where he was. His apartment in Jersey? His hotel room in the city?

_No._

He was lying on his back looking up at her ceiling and he could feel her body next to his. Not draped across him possessively or curled up against his side, but she was close. He turned his head and saw the chocolate strands splayed against the pillow and smiled.

She was on her front, hands pushed under the pillow beneath her with the sheet started half way down her back. She was naked, right beside him and it hadn't been a dream. He couldn't count the mornings he used to wake up to Kathy draped over him, under him, around him and he figured it was only fitting that Olivia would be the exception to the rule.

Even in bed she was independent.

He'd have to change that.

He wondered if she had woken up before him and purposefully created space because he'd sworn they were spooning throughout the night. He smiled at the thought that she had a mini freak out somewhere in the night and determined a mere inch between them would make a world of difference.

He turned onto his side, doing his best not to rock the mattress beneath them and propped himself up on an elbow. He wanted to take her in for as long as he could before she woke up because he wasn't sure how today was going to go.

Or anything beyond for that matter.

Her face was turned away from him and he let his eyes trail down her body over the side of her breast that was pushed into the mattress and across her bare back. He reached out and gently pulled the sheet down a little further hoping to grant him a little more access to her back.

He stilled when it hit just below her wound. He saw it then, the gunshot wound that nearly cost him _his_ life.

_Fuck. _

It had completely escaped him last night and he closed his eyes at how rough he'd been with her. Pushing her back up against the kitchen counter, holding her into the mattress, gripping her waist as she straddled him.

She hadn't said a word.

It looked as if it was in the early stages of healing but surely she'd still be in a slight amount of pain, only weeks ago she was having trouble reaching for a plate.

He let his hand reach out and lightly skim his fingers across the jagged skin and the regret rippled through him. He should have been there that day to protect her because no one would have had her back like he would. No one would have crossed the line or pushed the envelope.

No one would have died for her like he would.

She was stirring beneath his touch and his hand stilled on her back but didn't move away. He watched as she turned, pulling the sheet up in an effort to cover her breasts as she moved around to face him. She looked across at him sleepily, blinking against the sunlight in an attempt to adjust her eyes. She looked at him hazily and as hard as he tried he couldn't hide the concern from his expression.

"What El?" she said worriedly, her voice a little horse.

When he didn't answer her, he saw her eyes registering the possibility that he might be regretting the events of last night. He needed to speak now before he led her to believe that were the case.

"Your back," he said, his voice a little groggy and her eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"I didn't go anywhere." She rubbed her eye and he tried not to smile at her doe like confusion.

Clearly she wasn't a morning person.

"No Liv, your back, you're still recovering and Jesus last night I-"

"El," she cut him off dropping a hand to forearm. "I'm fine really," she assured him exhaling tiredly and letting her head flop back down on the pillow.

He narrowed his eyes in scepticism, not sure if he was buying it. Her token _I'm fine_ response held little to no value these days.

"I stopped taking the painkillers last week, it's fine," she tried to stifle a yawn and failed.

He relaxed a little at her statement and reached out to rake a hand through the strands of hair that had fallen across her face.

"So you're not sore?" he eyed her with concern.

Her face broke into a playful smile then that reached her eyes.

"Well I wouldn't go that far."

He picked up on what she was referring to and instead of pulling her towards him, he inched his body closer to hers and let his hand rest on her hip.

She let her hand trail across the plains of his chest at his new proximity and he closed his eyes before he spoke.

"I was rough with you last night," he told her sheepishly, ashamed that he wasn't more careful given her condition.

She didn't respond, she just let her hand trail a little lower towards his abdomen and her lips finally curled into a smile.

"I know," she said slowly, the timbre of her voice was excruciatingly low.

Her hand continued it's downward path and he seized it just before she reached the dip of his pelvis.

"I'll be more careful next time," he whispered, intertwining his fingers with hers.

She watched him for a few moments trying to fight off the makings of a smile.

"Hmmm and when will that be?" she mumbled tugging their intertwined hands towards her. He let her pull him until he was for the most part on top of her but he was careful to retain his weight on his knees and forearms.

She looked up at his body that had practically made a fort above her and she chuckled. In the process the sheet between them had twisted, tangling him against her. She smoothed a hand up his upper arm and tried to pull him down towards her but he wouldn't budge.

She let out a sigh of disappointment and she rubbed her neck in frustration.

"I'm not made of glass Elliot," she said softly and he looked down at the seriousness in her eyes. He immediately drew back to that first night and his overprotective ways.

_Stop treating me like I'm made of glass. _

He closed his eyes against the memory. He wanted to tell he was sorry for doubting her, for pushing her, for making her feel like any less of a person or detective because he had his own set of issues when it came to her. He knew what she was capable of, twelve years by his side had proved that a thousand times over but it wasn't easy watching her constantly be a stones throw away from danger. He let his own fear get the better of him that night and he took it out on her professional abilities.

His mouth made the motions of an apology but the words 'I'm sorry' just felt like wallpaper these days. He could sense she was getting restless under him and was slowly twisting out from under his stance. He let his body fall to the side as she manoeuvred herself out of the sheets and without so much as a look in his direction she headed towards the bathroom.

He watched as her bare backside disappeared and he heard the door click shut behind her. He remained stationary as he heard the tap running for an extended period of time, washing her face or brushing her teeth perhaps. He flopped back down on the bed and closed his eyes and moments later he heard the toilet flush and the shower start up.

He clenched his jaw. He couldn't have just woken up and said 'good morning' to her like any normal person would do. He had to lay straight into the weakness in her lower back. Nice one. He wondered if this was what their future held, constant arguments, unavoidable fights, silent treatments, tension. Like hell. He wasn't waiting a moment longer, he was putting an end to this now.

He moved off the bed and opened the bathroom door gently without so much a knock. The steam was clouding up the mirror and the shower curtain was drawn closed so he could only make out her silhouette. He didn't ask for permission to join her, just parted the curtain and stepped into the tub. He watched her under the spray letting the water soak into her hair and spill down the plains of her olive skin. He tried to control his bodies reaction at the sight of her before him dripping wet. Jesus.

He came up behind her careful not to scare her with his presence and reached out smoothing his hands over her upper arms. She didn't jump under his touch, almost as if she had expected he would join her. She moved her head out of the spray but didn't turn around and he took that opportunity to speak.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his words barely audible over the water. "I'm sorry I was such a dick."

He could see her registering his apology and she took the step back so her shoulder blades pressed against his chest. He let his hands curve around and squeeze her biceps gently.

"When?" Olivia spoke towards the pounding water and he desperately wanted to be under the warmth with her. "You'll have to me more specific," Olivia murmured and he had picked up on the hint of playfulness in her voice and was thankful she wasn't taking this too seriously.

She let herself lean further back so she was pressing against the hard sold wall of his chest and he was careful to keep his lower half away from her body.

"When you made me prove myself to you? When you cut me off at the bar? In the locker room with the stopwatch-"

"Careful Olivia," he rasped into her ear, "because I have a list just as long."

And he was pretty certain he'd win.

She shut up then because she knew he was right, they'd both done things they shouldn't be proud of and it was a miracle they had made it to this point.

He could feel the spurts of water flicking onto him and the steam provided enough warmth for the time being because he needed to say this.

"I had no right to doubt you or make you prove anything to me, Liv I was just scared.. petrified of losing you. Sometimes I feel you're the more capable one, you've got an undeniable restraint that I'll never be able to match. For twelve years you kept me calm, honest and safe and there is no one in the world I trust more to have my back than you."

He felt her relax against his words and his chin found a resting place on the top of her head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, he would say it every day if it helped. "I screwed up," he admitted closing his eyes at the realization that he effectively ended their partnership that night.

She reached out and grasped the hands on her upper arms and drew them further across her body.

"El," she found her voice, still staring straight ahead at the pounding water. "How many times did they try to split us up?" It had been a question but he knew she wasn't looking for an answer. "They were right," she expelled and his heart sank because he knew it was true. "We were too close," she continued and he waited, knowing there was more. "And that night.. that night all we did was prove them right."

He closed his eyes against her words, he knew he couldn't have the best of both worlds but it didn't make it any easier knowing he wasn't the one by her side anymore.

"And if I can't be your partner El," she said softly. "Then this is a pretty decent compromise."

He could tell she was smiling when she'd said it and she'd certainly picked one hell of a silver lining. He wasn't prepared when she moved her ass flush up against his growing erection and he groaned at the contact. He had done well to keep his arousal under wraps but there was no hiding it now.

She moved her hands backwards and sought out his thighs, relying on him completely to keep her upright as she tipped backward into his chest. He was strong, but he wasn't going to risk them slipping so he encircled his arms around her stomach and held her for a good while purposefully ignoring her obvious impatience. She tried in vein to move against his hardness but he did his best to keep her still because he needed to say this.

A few agonising moments passed and all he could hear was the pounding of the water in front of them matched by the pounding of his heart. He closed his eyes, his mouth skimming her wet locks when he said it.

"I love you ok."

He held his breath as the waves of silence crashed between them before he heard the small chuckle reward his attempt at humour. Her hands slowly left his thighs and smoothed over his forearms in front of her and he let out the breath he had been holding.

He knew he wouldn't have been able to say it to her face, or without keeping it light because he wasn't sure how she would take it in the harsh light of day. He could tell by the way she was drawing him closer that she'd registered the seriousness within his words and she wasn't pushing him away.

He kissed the crown of her head and she turned slowly within his grasp until she was facing him and suddenly he was nervous. She smiled softly and let her arms encircle his neck moving him slowly backwards until they were both under the welcome warmth of the spray.

He held his breath as the water poured between their bodies and he knew in that moment that after 12 long years she was finally done running.

End.


End file.
